5 Awful Types Of People We're All Friends With On Facebook

Nearly everyone finds themselves annoyed by the occasional awful Facebook friend. These protestors, stalkers and complainers usually creep onto your Facebook wall only to bother you when you least expect it. There are the family members who embarrass you at every corner, and those friends you’d just love to bail on—if they weren’t somehow involved in the periphery of the social group you network with.

In the worst case scenario, these people might haunt you, giving you angst in dreams where the ‘unfriend’ button is always just out of your reach. In the best case scenario, you may simply shake your head in chagrin and move along with your day. Without further ado, here are the top five most horrible types of people to befriend on Facebook. There’s plenty of other personalities that peeve people out, but these are the ones that made the cut.

1. The Workplace Oversharer

Everyone has bad days at work, and occasionally it’s even amusing to talk about them. However, when you’re getting into bed sores and catheters, briefs and torts, or even the complaints people make that cause them to look stupid, you’re probably taking your workplace woes a little too far. Just ask yourself these questions: is what I’m putting on my Facebook wall for many to see boring? Does it have a squeamish factor? Do people really need to reaffirm that other people are stupid? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you could be well on your way to becoming a Workplace Oversharer.

Subcategory: the disgruntled employee, the workplace perfectionist

2. The Loudmouthed Mother

Most people don’t have a problem with mothers getting excited about their children. In fact, if there was a box to check on Facebook, I’m sure most women would love to look through pictures of their friend’s kids after they are loaded onto the social networking site. However, when a mother’s only Facebook purpose is to get loud about her children, things can go a little overboard. Yes, it’s cool that you use cloth diapers, and zealously read that mommy blog featuring Michael Chabon’s wife. I’m sure it was great that God gave your child the cutest dimples and that you donated your excess breast milk, but enough is enough. Being a mommy is a tough job, but it doesn’t always mean you have to tell anyone who will listen (and those accidentally in the way of your posts) about it, day in and day out.

Subcategory: the politically motivated mommy, the blogger/Goodreads mother, the eco friendly mom

3. The Negative Nancy:

The Negative Nancy is one of the most egregious Facebook offenders. Give that slippery rascal an inch and he or she will take a mile, throwing offensive posts in all directions, and starting pointless arguments at every turn. The Negative Nancy is the type of person who will get bumped to first class in a flight, only to complain about the person sitting next to them. Even sneakier, sometimes the negativity will creep into mopey or depressed statements meant to gain sympathy from friends. Sometimes things suck, and sometimes it’s extremely difficult to think positively, but if Facebook is there for a reason, that reason is not to bring down every other human being that has a vague connection to you. Unless your Facebook friends are all your archenemies. In which case, that’s a sick mindfuck, and I condone it wholeheartedly.

Subcategory: The Doomsday Prophet, The Hater, The Girl Who’s Unlucky In Love, The Jaded Jerk

4. The Blowhard

It may be fun to say inflammatory things on occasion, but if that’s the only way you can express yourself, you fall into The Blowhard category. Sometimes, when you feel fervently, it’s difficult to sit back and look at all the possible information before you toss your opinion out into the Universe, or, in this case, a social networking site. In those moments, we’d really hate for you to explode, but what about all of the other times you throw out a boastful and assertive comment simply to toot your own horn? If you find yourself responding with smug belligerence the majority of the time, you are The Blowhard, and people hate you. Although, that’s probably what you wanted, anyway.

Subcategory: The Critic, The Undereducated Opiner, The “I’m an Asshole” Guy

5. The Grammatical Nightmare

imshure it gots to be hard to lstn to ppl grip and moan bout the state of thur damn minds. However, it’s worse to subject people to sentences that force them into reading paragraphs that are contrary to phonics and also contrary to the English language. The Grammatical Nightmare either is barely literate and should be spending one hell of a lot of time working through any posts they attempt on Facebook. Or they are lazy. The latter is infinitely worse. When a person types with wild abandon, hoping terminology will get itself across with roughly the correct number of vowels and syllables, that person is setting his or herself up for failure. Everyone's allowed to miss an apostrophe or two, but no one is allowed to type like Madea sounds.

Subcategory: The Lazy Typer, The Poor Typer, Those Who Don't Give A Fuck

It isn't too late! Some of you may be twiddling your thumbs reading this, knowing you may be a culprit of one or more of these posting problems. Don’t worry, because I’m about to absolve most of you. Everyone is allowed the occasional Facebook post that complains about work, discusses a baby’s feeding habits, fails in the spelling aspect, is strongly worded, and has a depressive tinge. Some people are kind enough not to cash these in, but that’s neither here nor there. If you really had a bad day at work and want to complain about the horrible woman that treated you without respect, go ahead and get it off your chest every once and a while. But if you find yourself repeating these on occasion or regularly, it might be time to keep yourself in check.