Mysterious Holes In Indiana Stump Scientists

There are holes in the dunes in Indiana, and geologists have no idea why. The Lake Michigan park dunes have been closed indefinitely after a series of holes have appeared and disappeared in the area. Unlike anything experts have ever seen, the holes are being viewed as some new sort of phenomena. Months of study have revealed nothing, and the longer the pits are studied the more questions are raised.

The mysterious dunes nearly claimed a victim last year, when a young boy was swallowed up for three hours beneath eleven feet of sand. He was eventually rescued and recovered after some rehabilitation; he is believed to have survived thanks to an air pocket inside of the hole. These mystery dunes, The Huffington Post reports, are about a foot in diameter and have been found on Mt. Baldy just an hour out of the Chicago area. The dunes are believed to be unique to Baldy, as it’s one of the only known dunes that shifts its position around ten to fifteen feet annually. No answers or theories have been offered yet by modern science, but I believe I have a theory.

We are dealing with baby sarlaccs from the Star Wars universe. Holes that just appear out of nowhere? Holes, more importantly, that swallow people and leave them alive. Now, the kid that was recovered was lucky this sarlacc was a baby, as a full grown sarlacc can digest a person over the course of a thousand years.

Obviously this is an issue the scientists and lawmakers of Indiana need to take very seriously, as Sarlacc pits attract nothing but space gangsters and bounty hunters. Sarlaccs can live up to 50,000 years and are most mobile in their youth, which would explain the wandering nature of these mystery holes. I cannot stress enough that we should try to handle this problem; now, though, while it’s young, as they only get more dangerous, massive, and sentient as time goes on. It’s been said that some can even possess telepathic abilities and retain the thoughts of those they digest! Please help me spread the word and keep giant sand aliens off our Hoosier shores.