Gilmore Girls was a bonding moment for my mother and I, particularly around Christmas when the show liked to tie into the holiday spirit permeating the air. So I was surprised to learn recently that a real-life therapist absolutely does not have the same attachment to the mother-daughter series my mom and I do. Said therapist recently explained why she won't watch dive into one of the best shows to binge-watch on Netflix with her daughter.
No fast-paced dialogue? No debate over Team Logan, Jess or Dean? No wild overuse of coffee? No oddball townies popping in for a few lines of dialogue? Why? She explained.
While Lorelei Gilmore makes some lists for best moms on TV, per an expert, it has to do with “flow-of-care” duties, or the idea that really a mother should be caring for her daughter in ways that nurture her and allow her to remain a kid for as long as possible. The boundaries Lorelei exhibits with Rory are nearly nonexistent and, according to the therapist who spoke with Insider, this is honestly why the relationship is so damaging. Per Hilary Mae, a therapist from Philadelphia:
People say, 'Oh, that kid, she's an old soul.' Usually, it means they've been forced to grow up too fast. And so, I think Rory has been parentified — she feels this need to take care of her mom. Rory should feel taken care of and safe, so she can depend on her mom, and she can be a kid.
It may sound like an over-the-top response, but before Mae rewatched she did honestly think Gilmore Girls might be a positive bonding experience with her daughter. ... at least until she began watching it as an adult.
When I was watching it back, I was like, 'I'm not going to watch this with my daughter.' I thought maybe I would. When you watched it as a girl, you thought, 'That is such a beautiful mother-daughter relationship.
Yet the expert said all that changed the second time she got through the series, however, and she no longer feels the mother-daughter relationship is one she wants to explore with her own kid. This is certainly her prerogative and one that is valid given the inadequacies most of the characters display on the series. If you’re looking to Gilmore Girls to model the healthiest relationships on television, you are absolutely not looking in the right place.
Her comments are a different take but along the same vein as a recent viral tweet about Gilmore Girls that ran around questioning fans who are so into a show that is so "stressful" and not really enjoyable in some ways.
Having said all of this, Lorelei is not perfect but she’s not an evil person. Amy Sherman-Palladino's favorite Emily Gilmore certainly displays her own selfish interests and inadequacies. Rory is in the throes of making her own mistakes throughout the majority of the series. I personally think what Sherman-Palladino was attempting to get across throughout the entire series is that people are complicated and the decisions they make are not always the best choices, but it's important to try hard and always work to be a better version of yourself.
To me being able to see characters that were challenging and different than my own upbringing while I was still in the throes of growing up not only made for more interesting television, but also exposed me to a world outside my own naive viewpoint. Not every introduction to conflict is dangerous, and can be thought-provoking. Hopefully having seen Lorelei and Rory fight and bond over the years has helped families who watch to change, grow and stick with what they find to be positive and not negative about the relationship between the two titular Gilmore girls.
I don't know if Gilmore Girls will get another revival season, but I say bring it on.
