Even though I am a fan of many of the best romantic comedies, I will freely admit that the genre can frequently be hit or miss (like, well, every other genre), which is why I’m usually eager to try new entries when I hear about them. This is one of the reasons why I was excited to watch Shotgun Wedding when it finally debuted as part of the 2023 new movie releases. Not only has star Jennifer Lopez been in some lovely rom-coms that I’ve enjoyed thoroughly, but if you also promise me a romantic adventure a la Romancing the Stone/The Lost City, I’m there, OK?
Luckily, Lopez, Josh Duhamel and the rest of the Shotgun Wedding cast delivered an engaging rom-com that kept me watching, and also brought up a lot of thoughts for me as I watched the film. So, let’s dig into them!
Obviously Darcy And Tom Were Right To Pay For Their Own Wedding
I cannot believe that Darcy’s mom gave her shit for not accepting money from her dad for their wedding. You guys? Darcy and Tom are like 152 years old. And, before you give me shit for ragging on the fact that they are a very mature couple, know that I, too, am like 152 years old.
As Darcy tells her mom, they’re old enough to pay for their own wedding, and despite some early mistakes with the printing on their pre-ceremony reception napkins, no amount of money was going to help them avoid the near disaster to come, anyway.
But I Still Don’t Get Why Tom Had To Plan The Whole Thing Himself
OK, so Darcy and Tom had the money to pay for their own destination wedding in the Philippines. That’s great, but I still don’t get why “groomzilla” (as Darcy’s mom calls him) had to literally plan every detail himself. As we see later, he even hand-made all of the centerpieces and welcome bags for their guests himself. I realize he wanted everything to be perfect for his bride (who didn’t even want this big wedding) and probably had some extra time on his hands after being released as a minor league baseball player, but still. Learn to delegate (and listen to Darcy), my dude!
Ugh, A Public Proposal
Blah. Who in the world decided, at some point in the very long history of humanity and traditional marriage, that springing a proposal on your intended with a massive audience was a good idea?
I don’t see anything romantic about them at all. It just seems like a way to force someone to say yes, in the hope that they won’t humiliate you in front of thousands of sports fans or all of your combined friends and family. Well, let me tell you something. If the person you’re publicly proposing to didn’t explicitly say that they want said public proposal and they then say no to you in front of everyone? You have humiliated yourself. Think about that before you go making those JumboTron plans, alright?
Who Is Turning Down Pre-Wedding Sex For Pineapples?
What is this? Really, what message are we supposed to be taking away about Tom (who has already fallen into the ocean while trying to set up the post-wedding getaway boat for Darcy) by watching him fuss over the pineapple-based reception centerpieces as his bride-to-be is lounging alluringly on the bed and giving him all kinds of come-hithers? That he’s goofy? Oh, OK, well then…message received.
Of Course Jennifer Coolidge Leads To My First Big Laugh
Jennifer Coolidge is great as characters who are well-meaning but sorta clueless, and Tom’s mom, Carol, is no different. When she comes strolling into the bridal suite unannounced just so her son can make up a welcome bag for the newly (and surprisingly) arrived Sean (Darcy’s ex-fiancé), and then quietly says to her kid, “Tommy, she’s not wearing any pants,” which causes Tom to throw the tray with welcome goodies down with a crash, I definitely LOL’d. God love Coolidge and Carol; she’s a joy through the whole movie.
Tom’s Wedding Suit Is Terrible, But It’s Exactly The Kind Of Suit I Expect A Guy Like Him To Wear
Oh, excuse me. A baby pink and black tuxedo? Where do you think you’re going, sir? A prom in 1983? The Met Gala? I totally believe that this is what every fussy, ex-baseball player wants to wear to his wedding. Why, though, is another issue that I really need a whole different article to work through.
This Is The Perfect Wedding Dress For An Adventure Comedy
It’s pretty, flimsy, nearly impossible to run easily in, and has lots of easy to shed layers/parts so that we end up with Darcy in something that just barely resembles clothing. I expected nothing less.
There Are Some Brutal Kills In This Movie
I fully expected some of these pirates to die, but I wasn’t quite thinking that the kills would be so brutal. We got three deaths by grenade explosion, one got kicked out of a very high helicopter, two died by the very same vehicle crashing, and Sean’s dumb schemer neglected to let go of his parasail before getting pulled into the whirling rotor of the copter, so he was chopped to bits. Even the first, accidental, death led to a growing pool of blood from a head wound. Shotgun Wedding ain’t playing, y’all.
I Don’t Know That I’d Be Able To Marry Tom After He Accepted Pirate Island As A Wedding Venue
When Darcy found out that Tom knew this island resort had a problem with pirates, and still thought it was a good idea to hold their wedding there, she was understandably pissed. But, she still married him just a few hours later. I couldn’t have done it, you guys. Maybe in like, a month, but not the same day me, my family, and friends almost died. No way!
Tom’s Kinda Goofy. How Did He Manage To Figure Out The Plan So Fast?
Tom clearly shares several traits with Carol, because I do think his heart is in the right place, while he just doesn’t think enough stuff through. So, how did he manage to put together Sean’s plot to steal money from Darcy’s dad so fast? I simply don’t believe he’s quick enough to connect those dots before the situation got way worse, the poor thing.
I Think I Need A Whole Movie Where Jennifer Coolidge Gets To Fire Automatic Weapons
The White Lotus cast member has already admitted to being “thrilled” that she got to be part of a rom-com shootout, so let’s just go all the way and have her play a gun-toting assassin or heavily-armed, revenge-seeking school teacher or something. Are you listening, Hollywood? Make it happen!
Everyone Is Still Up For A WEDDING After All Of This?!
They were all held hostage and had their lives threatened for hours, as Darcy and Tom fled through the jungle trying to save everyone. They should all be beyond exhausted, and yet, by dusk, they’re finally enjoying the couple’s beach ceremony. HOW?! How is anyone chill enough about being held captive at gunpoint to sit through a wedding?! I know, for a fact, that several of their guests would have soiled themselves thoroughly and possibly multiple times during the day, but everyone is still in their pre-kidnapping wedding clothes. No one needed/wanted so much as a shower after all of that? Give. Me. A. GIANT. Break!
At the same time, I’m glad that Darcy and Tom were able to put their relationship problems behind them and help all of their guests survive so that they could have what she wanted all along: a non-traditional wedding ceremony. Congrats to the happy fictional couple!
