Summer is a crazy time of year. It seems like it ends just when it’s really getting started. It’s also a time to do all those things we couldn’t do during the year. We make plans, take trips, see friends, relax and enjoy what the season has to offer. Or you can just stay home and pretend you’re doing those things, by dialing them up on your television. With that in mind, I’ve made some summer plans of my own. Here’s how I’ll simulate an exciting summer, by staying on my couch.
Have a gourmet meal with friends
June 16, Top Chef returns on Bravo - Chef Tom Colicchio and host Padma Lakshmi are taking the wannabe Top Chefs to Washington D.C. to explore the cuisine of the nation’s capitol. Frankly, I didn’t know DC served anything but pork, so the new group of gourmet hash slingers might have their work cut out for them.
Commit a crime.
June 20, Scoundrels premieres on ABC – They are family of career (and kiddie) criminals trying to go straight when their dad commits one crime too many landing him behind bars. The West household looks like the exact opposite of the one I grew up in. They know how to cut school, steal, money launder and whatever else crooks learn along the way. I learned how to keep quiet and out of the way. The show looks promising, and any chance I get to see more of Tony Almeida (Carlos Bernard plays the cop hot on the West’s trail) you can count me in.
Fly out to Los Angeles.
June 27 Entourage returns on HBO - By many accounts, we could have wrapped up the story of Vinnie, E, Drama and Turtle a couple of years ago. But HBO heads back to the decadent and overindulgent well with another season. Season 7 sees Vinnie (what else) starring in a new movie and dating a porn star. There isn’t much left for the crew to accomplish at this point, but who doesn’t watch wishing they could roll around LA with Vince’s impunity?
Go to summer camp.
June 28 Huge premieres on ABC Family - Based on Sasha Paley’s novel of the same name, Huge follows the lives of seven teenagers bonding over the summer at weight-loss camp. My So-Called Life creator Winnie Holzman explores Willimina (Nikki Blonsky) and her friends as they navigate a harsh world, made even harsher when you’re overweight. I’m already rooting for every single camper in this show.
Road trip to Maine.
July 9 Haven premieres on Syfy - Adapted from the Stephen King novel, “The Colorado Kid”, Haven looks like a cross between The X-Files and Heroes. It tells the story of FBI Agent Audrey Parker heading to Haven, Maine to solve a murder. Except that Haven is a town where people with supernatural abilities congregate. Something in the town suppresses their powers allowing them to live normally. But of course, that’s all about to change and their abilities start flaring up again (like adult acne).
Turn the boob tube off and read a book instead.
July 11 Ochocinco premieres on VH1 - You know what we need more of? Celebrity dating shows. Yeah, I could use a couple more of those. In this VH1 (the kings of celebrity bachelor crap) production, Chad (don’t call me Johnson) Ochocinco hits the dating pool tournament style. By the show’s description he runs around the country picking women, then narrows them down to his “sweet sixteen,” “final four,” ahh, whatever. I’ve been meaning to pick “Infinite Jest” back up. That will probably make as much sense as this show.
Start a business.
July 25 Mad Men returns on AMC - I have no bigger regret in the entire world than not catching on to Mad Men earlier. Literally, not even the time I left my car under a tree during that huge wind storm makes me feel worse. This summer, I’ve vowed to catch up on the critically acclaimed show through DVD and onDemand so that once July 25th rolls around, I’m ready to join Don Draper and his cigarette smoking cronies at the Sterling Cooper ad agency.
Head to the beach.
July 29 Jersey Shore returns on MTV - Last year, the guido army took Seaside and America by storm with their blowouts, house music, fake tans, fake boobs, and six packs. By summer’s end, even my mother-in-law (who doesn’t use the internet or watch television) knew what GTL stood for. This season, the group heads down to South Beach to realize they aren’t nearly as big-boobed or tanned as the rest of the population.
Start a conspiracy.
August 1- Rubicon premieres on AMC – The less I know about a show, the better. In terms of Rubicon, I know almost nothing except it stars James Badge Dale (The Pacific), involves some kind of government/ big business conspiracy in New York City, and has a real cool title. (Wouldn’t you just sound mysterious if you told your friends you could wait to catch up on Rubicon?) Otherwise, I know very little about the show except that AMC puts out quality programming. Sign me up!
Those are my plans. Think yours are better? Tell me about your summer in the comments below.
