Last season - as well as the season before that - Evil Russell, the most conniving player in the show’s long history, sweet-talked everyone within earshot, lied his ass off, and made it to the final, TWICE. The thing is, he was such an arrogant wank that he failed to realize that the jury is made up of people… flawed people, who he couldn’t believe wouldn’t give the prize money to the best player. His strategy was based solely on the show’s tagline, and that was his downfall. This season, Marty proclaimed himself the “smartest player in the game”, and he may well have been, but “smart” and lucky” are not always mutually exclusive. He made alliances with the wrong people and made enemies of everyone else, and last week, he joined Alina on the jury. Ten people… well, nine people and one psycho bitch remain.
It seems that being stuck with the monument o’ suck that is Naonka for the duration of the season is my cross to bear. Forgive me if anyone reading this actually likes her, but in eight episodes so far, she has manhandled Kelly B (who herself is a testament to the human will), bullied Alina and Fabio, stolen Fabio’s socks and a sack of food, and been completely horrible to everyone not in her alliance, including freaking JEFF, who has no stake in who wins this game. All that, and she’s still around. By now, everyone figures that she’s the perfect person to bring to the Final Three, which means I am doomed to write at least seven more recaps full of her mindless self-aggrandizing ghetto drivel. Sigh.
Libertad, Night 24. Brenda is all puffed up about the last TC, stating with much assuredness that Fabio, Benry and Dan are now up the proverbial creek without a paddle. She even dubs herself and Sash the “king and queen” of Libertad, though she snarks that she’s more the king than Sash is. Holly wastes no time in approaching Jane with the notion of putting a crimp in their plans; now that Marty is gone, Jane should be mollified and open to reuniting with Holly, since the two of them (along with Dan) are now the only over-40’s left standing. Holly tells Jane that they’ve got Chase and NaOnka on their side, so they only need two more. Well, Holly, if you’re so sure NaOnka is going to turn on her BFF Brenda, you’re just asking for it, but I’m betting that Fabio, Dan and Benry would much rather hitch their wagons to Jane than Brenda.
The next morning, the sky is looking doomy, so the castaways do their best to preserve their ongoing fire by surrounding and covering it up as best they can. Of course, the objects that they are using to surround the fire are the various chests that they have procured over the weeks (reward challenges, the merge feast, etc.), and the chests just happened to be made of wood. Which are now surrounding the fire. Oh, this can’t end well.
Taking a stroll through the Nicaraguan drizzle, Holly approaches Benry that a power-move is in order, and he seems to agree. Jane, meanwhile, seems to be doing an admirable job flipping NaOnka onto her side, calling Brenda a “villain”, someone she wants no part of. Chase, meanwhile, is on the fence about joining either Jane’s cadre or Brenda’s, and says that he would rather vote out Benry because of his physical prowess. So, if you’re keeping score, that’s Benry, Holly, Jane and NaOnka on one side, and Sash, Brenda and Kelly S on the other, with Chase undecided and Fabio and Dan unapproached.
Reward Challenge. Pretty straightforward: using some large barrels, some planks and a rope, the castaways – split into two teams of five – must find a way to move the entire team across a length of beach without touching the ground. The winning team gets a sightseeing trip at a nearby dormant volcano, along with a feast of pizza and brownies. The teams are split, and the team of Jane/Fabio/NaOnka/Chase/Kelly S totally dominates the others. Even worse, Dan, who is playing on two bad knees, sustains an injury to his hand. Hope his Medicare is all paid up upon his return to the states. This victory is even more delicious by the fact that Brenda and Sash are now stuck at camp with Holly and Benry, who are very close to completing the palace coup against them.
After commercial, we join the victors as they are given a helicopter tour of the volcano, and it is truly breathtaking. After landing, the group don orange suits and hop on what looks like a sled, which allows them to slide down the black surface of the volcano. Fabio is over the moon about trying a version of surfing that he’s never even heard of before. Jane compares it to riding an electronic bull she once rode. Yee-haw.
Back at camp, we are witness to the worst camp-disaster since, I think, Season 2, when the Outback survivors made the mistake of building their camp on a dry river bed, and one storm later, all their belongings and food were washed away. We are given a few seconds of footage of the fire, which has already engulfed the chests that were meant to protect it. When the losing team returns, all of the chests – which, according to Benry – contained every morsel of food they had left – has been reduced to ashes, along with a portion of the tarp that covered their shelter. The glass jars are melted and fused, and the machetes are now just handle-less blades. With just under three weeks left and ten mouths to feed, this ranks a 9.5 on the what-the-f-are-we-going-to-do meter.
Back at the volcano, the winners are stuffing their faces, and the conversation turns to strategy. There is a moment of sheer incredulity when NaOnka actually pulls Fabio aside and calmly tells him the plan to blindside Brenda, like every insult NaOnka’s piled on him for the last 25 days is water under the bridge. And I never thought I’d say this, but bravo to NaOnka for telling Fabio this where Kelly S and Chase couldn’t hear her.
We don’t get to see the winners’ return to camp nor their reaction at the carnage, which ticks me off a little. Day 27 begins with Chase narking to Brenda about Holly’s plan to blindside her, stating that his trust in her is absolute. Jeez, what a twerp. NaOnka looks at Chase cross-eyed when he tells her that he snitched Holly’s plan, and wants NaOnka to join them in voting off Benry. NaOnka doesn’t want to play that, stating that she’s rather go with Holly and Jane to get rid of Brenda, who is becoming too powerful. NaOnka, in turn, relays the fact that Chase’s ‘nads are back in Brenda’s pocket to Benry and Jane, who are less than happy. NaOnka also tells Holly, pretty much confirming the suspicions she already had. So that’s now four on one side, four on the other, with Fabio and presumably Dan leaning towards Jane’s side. Me likey.
Immunity Challenge. Another pretty simple endurance challenge: the castaways must hold onto a thick knotted rope while suspended over a shallow pool, and incrementally moving from one knot to the next, with each move making it harder to hold on. Truly a test of upper body strength and balance. The first knot has the group leaning backward at roughly a 45-degree angle, and that rope gives me blisters just looking at it. Brenda and Sash hit the water early on, and kudos to Dan for lasting a lot longer than I thought he would. (But then, if you’ve seen his guns, they are quite impressive for a man his age.) Only Jane, Benry and Sash survive long enough to move to the second knot, which practically has their bodies parallel to the water. Yowch. Finally, it turns into a tussle between the North Carolinians, and how about this, Jane’s spindly but sinewy grandma arms prevail against the beefy Chase. And I’m sorry, I whoop and holler at my TV, because I just love a side-dish of irony with dinner.
Back at camp, Sash and Chase agree that Benry is going next, but Chase is unsure if his alliance is still the majority. Speaking of which, NaOnka stills feels close to Sash, and informs him that Brenda’s on an island, that that island’s population is dwindling fast. Holly confronts Sash and Chase with the plan that everyone seems to know about now, and even Chase may be finally seeing the light, though he admits that voting off Brenda would leave him with a group of people he doesn’t trust. Chase then confesses to Brenda that everyone’s against her, including her BFF NaOnka. This pisses Brenda off something fierce. So it looks like Brenda’s fate is now in the hands of Sash, who can only save her by donating his HII to her; and if he does, Brenda wants to turn the vote back on NaOnka. Hmmm… so Brenda or NaOnka is going home next? That’s a win/win if I ever saw one.
Tribal Council. Jeff starts the Q&A by asking Sash if he was surprised at Marty’s ejection. He says he was, and Brenda adds that it wasn’t her original plan to do so, but capitulated to the will of her alliance (read: Jane). She then turns the spotlight on NaOnka for betraying her, which NaOnka denies. Kelly S says she has no idea what’s going on, since it’s tough to see being so far up Brenda’s butt. Jeff asks Sash if trust is an important component of the game, and what’s Sash going to say, “No?” Jeff then asks Brenda if she’s “scrambling”, but Brenda says that going to DefCon 5 paranoia isn’t the way she plays. (Over in the jury box, Alina mutters to Marty, “she’s so irritating”. Tee hee.) Sash confirms that everybody’s strategies have changed now.
Voting time. Holly votes for Brenda, telling the camera, “You should have scrambled.” Word, Holly. Brenda votes for NaOnka. That’s all we see. Jeff collects the urn, and asks if anyone who has the HII wants to play it. Brenda smiles at Sash. Sash… stays put. Brenda’s smile vanishes. YES!! Out come the slips. Brenda. NaOnka. Benry. (?!) Brenda. Brenda. Brenda. And… Brenda. Death by hubris strikes again. And I wonder just why in the hell the subject of the decimation of the tribe’s camp never came up? Seriously? That’s kind of an important thing!
Next week: NaOnka pisses everyone off. Lather, rinse, repeat.
