Last week, good Christian soul and Redemption Island stud Matt defeated Sarita for his sixth consecutive duel victory, and thus earned a spot back in the game. The thing is, you survive THAT many duels, and odds are, not many people are going to be happy to see you return. For the tribe merged, and Matt was at a crossroads whether to rejoin his former Ometepe tribemates, or to flip over to the side of the former Zapaterians. Of course, his kind-hearted, all-trusting, God-fearing soul told him to throw back in with Boston Rob, who, of course, wasted no time whatsoever in sending Matt right back where he came from: Redemption Island, thus becoming the first guy in Survivor history to be blindsided TWICE in the same season.
Pick whatever cliché you want, and it’s true: nice guys do sometimes finish last, especially those who go against Rob Mariano. So Rob and the former Ometepe now have a solid 6-5 lead going into this week, and unless someone like Grant or Phillip attempts a major palace coup, the former Zapatera tribe are basically sitting ducks, waiting to be picked off one by one.
Redemption Island, Night 21. Home again, home again, jiggety-jig. The first thing Matt does upon returning to RedIsle is to congratulate himself for being “the most naïve person ever to play Survivor,” which is not exactly a distinction worthy of congratulations, but whatever gets you through the night, I guess. The first time he was blindsided, he shrugged it off good-naturedly. This time, however, it stings like a bitch, and for the first time this season, he looks genuinely upset, mostly with himself. His faith isn’t shaken, not at all, but he promises that if by some miracle, he finds his way back into the game, the gloves are definitely coming off.
Murlonio, Day 22. David equates Rob’s masterful plan to simultaneously flush out Ralph’s HII and send Matt back to RedIsle “like something out of a mob movie.” The former Zapaterians’ days are numbered and they know it, and Mike can only shake his head, smile, and congratulate Rob on his successful gambit. Julie called the move “cold-blooded,” and has also resigned herself to the fact that Ometepe, as a whole, is a nut that just can’t be cracked. Ralph seems to be only one still scrambling, and approaches Natalie and Ashley about what their plans for Top Three are; he says that he would definitely vote for either of them over Rob, but they just stare into space and dumbly reply that they haven’t thought that far ahead. Huh? Seriously? Who wants to bet Rob has thought that far ahead? Who wants to bet he’s thinking about it right NOW? Sheesh.
Ralph’s main frustration is that he no longer has any power whatsoever, and again, that is totally Rob’s doing. In fact, we see Rob instruct his alliance, simply and straightforwardly, to just not talk to the Zapaterians at all. Don’t eat with them, don’t sleep near them, just treat them like dead men (and woman) walking. Of course, this is not only strategically sound but it covers his paranoid ass quite well. If this plan goes off, and there’s no reason it shouldn’t, Top Six is all but set in stone. In interview, he reveals that he wants his alliance to come off as arrogant as possible to the Zapaterians while avoiding that behavior himself, because that would sway their jury votes coming Final Three. Jeez, this guy is smart. And ruthless. And a control freak. He’ll shake your hand with his right while stabbing you with his left. You gotta admire that, even if you don’t approve of it. A little later, Natalie tells Rob in secret about Ralph’s little ploy to vote for Ashley over Rob, and Ashley decided not to tell him. This, of course, means that Ashley has dropped right to the bottom of the Ometepe food chain. Wow. I thought Ashley and Natalie were BFFs, and Natalie just gave her up without hesitation.
Immunity Challenge #1. Yes, this episode will feature not one, but TWO Tribal Councils. The episode’s first IC proceeds thus: all eleven will dig in a small sand pit to unearth a club with which they will smash a ceramic tile. (The six that move on: Grant, Rob, Ralph, Mike, David and Julie.) The next challenge involves the contestants dunking their head in a trough, filling their mouths with water, and crawling underneath the trough to spit the water into a glass tube, and repeating the procedure until the tube is full. (The three that move on: Grant, Mike and David.) The final challenge is to assemble yet another three-dimension puzzle in the shape of a tiered pyramid. Now, this was exactly the kind of puzzle I would have expected David the Puzzle King to rock out, but he gets smoked like an oyster by other two, with victory going to Grant, who was a beast yet again. He wins Immunity, which is not really significant because he’s in no danger, but he kept both Mike and David from getting it, which is.
Mike knows full well that it could be any of the five Zapaterians going to RedIsle next, and about the only non-futile thing they can do is try to find Ralph’s presumably re-hidden HII without the benefit of a clue. They notice that the camp flag has changed position since they left, so they surmise that the HII might be buried beneath it. Of course, nothing goes on without Rob noticing, so he sends his entire alliance, like a herd of black ants swarming on a pigeon carcass, to “help” them look. Eventually, Rob and Phillip take shovels to the sand, but come up empty. This worries Rob, who cites his “Idol paranoia” as his #1 fear, because HII’s are what sent him packing in the Heroes vs. Villains season. Mike sees a tiny crack in Rob’s veneer, and posits that trying to make Rob believe they already found it may be their best bet. Before heading to TC, Rob pools his alliance’s opinions on who should go next; they think that David is more strategic, but also reason that Mike might have the best chance of unseating Matt as RedIsle champion.
Tribal Council #1. Jeff opens the Q&A by going to Mike about the daunting deficit the Zapaterians currently face, and Mike responds that coming to TC with “zero options” is not much fun. Jeff asks Julie if there’s anyone on Ometepe who might not want to settle for sixth place, and she replies that Zapatera knows who the person on the bottom of the Ometepe food chain is, but coyly grins that that person has no idea. Phillip jerks his head around at this, and then David confirms that it is indeed Phillip who is the odd man out. Phillip calmly admits that he knows full well of his position, and doesn’t mind it one bit. He calls Ometepe his “family” and even initiates a half-assed group hug. Which is lame, but it really does seem that Phillip has been accepted into the tribe, which is something I never thought I’d see. I will say this: his newfound sense of camaraderie has made him SO much less annoying. He’s still a lunatic, but more along the lines of Mr. Bean and less like Buffalo Bill (from Silence of the Lambs, FYI).
I’ve yet to mention that Phillip has decide to adorn his head with a giant hawk’s feather, and of course he makes a big issue of it, and of course Jeff can’t resist pushing the right buttons to start an argument about it. Mike calls the feather a sign of insecurity, and Phillip goes back to talking about his “Special Agent” days, badmouths all of Zapatera (except Julie, I think) to their faces, and blah blah fishcakes, let’s vote already.
Voting time. Steve votes for Philip, and that’s all we see. No HIIs are played, so out come the slips. The first five votes, predictably, are for Phillip. And the next six, even more predictably, are for… Mike. Which rather sucks, because he’s an Iraqi war veteran and probably deserved to go further, but them’s the breaks. I find myself wondering if and when some kind of power shift is going to occur, because it always does. I only remember one occasion (and it was a long time ago) that one tribe completely and systematically took apart the other before turning on themselves, but it looks like this will be the case this season. Rob’s got a stranglehold on this game, and he ain’t about to let go. Which means Ralph, Steve, David and Julie are probably doomed.
That night, Rob congratulates Philip on his fortitude at TC, and assures him that Phillip is not on the bottom, far from it. Why would he be? Phillip’s the only one who takes Phillip seriously, and at this point I’d say Evil Russell has a better chance of winning the million dollars. You can bet your ass that Rob will be taking Phillip to Final Three, along with lazy useless coattail-riding Natalie, and then victory will be his. Easy peasy. About the only thing that can upset the apple-cart at this point is for Grant to realize that the bromance he has with Rob is going to end badly for him, and does something about it.
The next morning, a brisk rain is falling, and Phillip interviews that he knows full well what Rob’s endgame is, but craftily hints that Rob doesn’t know what Phillip’s is, and that a move will be made at some point, but not right now. I’m thinking that the best thing for him to do is to wait until only one Zapaterian is left (probably Julie), and then somehow get two other Ometepes (possibly Grant and Andrea) to throw a monkey wrench into Rob’s hierarchy. Meanwhile, Ralph and David know it’s fourth down and fifty to go, so they figure their only move is to talk to Ometepe one-on-one and convince them that Rob’s hammerlock on the million dollars has got to be broken. Unfortunately, they approach Phillip and Andrea first, and Phillip rudely responds that they’re not drinking whatever Kool-Aid Ralph is selling, end of story.
Immunity Challenge #2. The ten remaining players approach the challenge and catch a glimpse of a huge platter covered with cheeseburgers. The challenge: hang onto a wooden bar that is suspended over a small pool with their arms and legs, and then, after twenty minutes, just their legs. All of them are given a choice to either vie for immunity or sit it out and eat cheeseburgers. I would have thought that all of Ometepe would opt to sit out, since a Zapaterian winning Immunity wouldn’t affect TC all that much, but strangely, only Phillip and Steve elect to sit out. So while they stuff their faces, the other eight play it out. After 45 minutes, only David is left to face off against the Ometepe ladies, but he can’t hold on. Ashley and Natalie then cede victory to Andrea. Whoopee.
Not much happens pre-TC, except one thing: Ralph finds a bunch of fish in their net, and Rob tells them that you can eat fish that are already dead. (WTF?) Still, that doesn’t stop them from frying them up, and they offer some of their catch to Ometepe, who, under Rob’s withering glare, decline… that is, except for Grant, who decides that having one bite of fish doesn’t mean he’s not Rob’s bitch any more. Rob, the control freak that he is, calmly ponders his next few moves, which have got to include getting rid of Grant. I mean, when you think about it, he’s really the only other Ometepe member who has played a game even close to as good as Rob. But that’s for later. For now, Rob is torn between voting off strategic David or ailing Steve, who is nearing the end of his rope.
Tribal Council #2. Phillip opens the Q&A by singing the praises of his tribemates, who have apparently christened themselves “Stealth-R-Us”. Wow, that’s… so lame. Jeff asks Steve why he chose to sit out, and Steve frankly replies that he needed food more than a futile stab at Immunity. Jeff asks Phillip if the Zapaterians have tried to crack Ometepe’s alliance, and Phillip responds that there is a “buddy system” in place at Murlonio, such that no member of Ometepe is EVER alone. Another damn good idea from the brain of Rob Mariano. Julie calls Ometepe not so much a tribe as “a cult”, and David says that Redemption Island may offer their only chance of salvation.
Voting time. Nothing is previewed, save David voting for Rob on a wing and a prayer. Jeff collects the urn, and out come the slips. Zapatera’s four votes are for Rob, but no one on Ometepe is flipping today, thank you. And the next six votes are for… David. Another worthy competitor becomes fodder for Rob’s cannon. David’s torch is snuffed, and off he goes to join Matt and Mike. We even get a few seconds of David joining the RedIsle party, and Matt shakes his head because he knows the days of dueling with skinny broads is long gone.
Next week: Phillip has it out with Steve, and even drags out the race card. Oy vey. And also, presumably, the most anticipated RedIsle smackdown thus far: Matt vs. Mike vs. David. Can’t wait!
