I don’t even know where to start. Greatest episode in 24 history? Certainly the best since the Nina Myers era. I always thought the “Kim Bauer Returns” episode would thrust me into some manic, scratch ticket buying, pill-popping stupor. Instead, it’s nothing but a back story. I can’t believe how over-stimulated I am right now. My roommate Kyle is a half-hour into watching the episode on TiVO. I’m jealous the way you’re jealous of someone who’s about to see his team win the World Series for the first time. He’s going to be blown away by the last scene. Wow. I barely have it in me to go sarcastic on this recap. Just wow.
(By the way, mere coincidence that Olivia Taylor had the week off and it was the best episode in recent memory? I think not)
Let’s see if we can retrace our steps:
Our episode begins with everyone recovering from the aborted air strike. I forgot about this. The whole Presidential idiocy thing, I mean. The joint chiefs are questioning her decision, she has no game plan…didn’t the Original President Palmer get impeached for the same thing? I believe it was called “general incompetence”? Natch.
Aided by Tony – still hanging around the Starkwood campus – Jack and Renee quickly deduce the rationale behind the aborted air strike. Tony sees RP7, a gas only used to launch rockets. Jack calls President Taylor out in the blunt yet respectful manner only he can deliver: “Madam President, with all due respect I don’t think you’re being truthful with us.”
Amidst learning what RP7 is, the president confesses that Hodges has blackmailed her. Meanwhile, “RP7” replaces “Enrico Palazzo” as the name of my fantasy baseball team. I’ll take an obscure 24 reference over an obscure Naked Gun reference any day.
Taylor tells Jack and Renee that Hodges is on his way to the White House. She seems to think something positive will come out of this. Jack – have I told you I love Jack? – calls her on this stupidity: “Are you really naïve enough to think you can talk to him and change his mind?”
Convinced Almeida is the best hope of stopping the threat, Taylor tells Jack she expects he’ll do what he thinks is right. This is like the adult version of when my AP History teacher gave us a take-home test and told us to “let your conscience be your guide” when pressed on whether we could use the book. Renee correctly asks, “What the hell does that mean?” Jack’s translation: she wants us to move in, but can’t have it on record.
Tony does indeed move in, taking out two goons, planting the C4 on the RP7 and giving thanks to whoever decided Starkwood, like the White House, shouldn’t have cameras anywhere. Just when things were going well, a Starkwood crony emerges from the darkness to hit Tony from behind. The other Starkwood guy – who has been in enough episodes where he should have a name – sets off an emergency signal meaning “launch rockets immediately.” Tony beats up Crony #1, does a reverse spin kick (where are these moves coming from?) and takes down the other Starkwood guy. He loses his detonator temporarily before reclaiming it just in time. Tony hits the button, a tremendous explosion ensues and he eventually emerges with just a few cuts and bruises. Moss and the FBI move in to round up the Starkwood troops.
All of which is quite a break for President Taylor, who is in the middle of negotiating from a position of no power (brain or negotiation). Called into another room, she learns of the explosion at Starkwood, receives confirmation that it really happened and calls for Hodges to be arrested. Let’s just say he doesn’t take it well. He charges at her and warns “I’m just a small cog in a very big machine.” To whom could this refer? A chill runs down my spine as Hodges coldly states, “You’ll find out.” Please don’t take this guy off the show. Please.
Our (not-so) eagerly awaited Kim Bauer reappearance occurs sometime around 1:40 AM 24 time. Jack speaks for most 24 fans when he asks why Renee contacted Kim. Amen, man! No one wants her around, not even Papa Bauer. Apparently Kim has been trying to track down her dad all day. Maybe if he’d been near a mountain lion trap, she would have had more luck?
The inevitable reunion takes place, with Kim looking blonder than ever. She says she’s sorry. She’s blamed her dad for every mistake she’s made. I guess that means she’s blamed him for being kidnapped three times in season one? For her Streetfighter II boyfriend needing to have his leg amputated in season two? For dating C. Thomas Howell in season five? For…you get the picture. Know what I couldn’t get over in this scene? Besides the weird, hotel bar piano music, I mean? How much Kim has grown since season one. Did they purposely make her look older? Honestly, I felt like Jack could be dating her. Instead, he’s about to have his life saved by her. Times have changed, folks.
Back on campus, a rogue Starkwood agent – who I really think was Brendan Fraser’s cellmate in Bedazzled; I could confirm this if “random black dude” on imdb didn’t produce so many search results – has taken out two armed FBI agents and is fleeing the premises, biological canister in hand. Yet again I see references to The Rock, as the canister looks eerily similar to those green things Nic Cage had to defuse. Moss, ready to take Tony back to federal custody, is whisked away via chopper with Tony. They set down in some warehouse area, where the pilot is immediately gunned down by the black Starkwood guy who I’m going to call “Miles” just so I don’t have to keep writing “black Starkwood guy.”
Miles engages Moss in unfriendly fire, with Moss and Tony ducking behind a dumpster. It’s bam bam bam for a while before Miles retreats into the car and emerges with a higher caliber gun. Was this a machine gun? Mini-rifle? In the post-Golden Eye era, I’ve lost track of my guns. Anyway, with his new gun he scores a direct hit on Moss. I look over at my friend Chris and ask if he cares that Moss is about to die. Neither of us does (though I later feel bad for the man), but we wonder: is this going to be it for Tony Almeida? After all these years, taken down by Brendan Fraser’s ex-roommate?
Tony tries to help Moss as Miles moves closer to them. Moss desperately tries to warn Tony that the bad guy is behind him. Tony seems strangely unconcerned as death moves in on him, gets closer, closer and…wait a minute, is Tony signaling to him? Is Tony in cahoots with him? Is Tony killing Moss? Is Tony behind all of this? Are there enough question marks to convey how surprising this is???????????
Now…
Surely you can take umbrage with certain logistical issues involving Tony and how he pulled this off, but still we can return to my original point: wow. Never saw this coming. The plot has been flipped on its back. With Moss dead and Jack ailing, who in the FBI can we count on? Did Hodges know about Tony’s allegiances? He couldn’t have, right? Why threaten to execute him if they’re on the same team? Is Tony out for himself? What is his end game?
Moreover, who is the ultimate bad guy? There’s got to be someone above Tony, right?
A quick list of possibilities includes:
Emerson (we never saw his body, remember?)
The vice president (doesn’t pack enough star power)
Agent Baker (hey, he’s dead on Lost)
Audrey Raines and/or her dad (too far-fetched, even for a show where people walk away from plane crashes)
Donald Sutherland (one of these years they’ll think to use him)
Let me give you my sleeper pick for ultimate bad guy: former President Daniels (the guy from Frailty who took over for Wayne Palmer in season six). Think about it: he’s the one who lost the election to President Taylor. He’s the one who used to allow Starkwood to police the rest of the world for America. He’s the one who probably has enough connections to make all this happen.
Whatever the case, a banner episode overall. I didn’t even mind the Kim Bauer stuff. Let’s hope next week can continue the momentum.
(Preferably without any piano music)
