After a (literally) 5 minute recap of the train wreck that was last week’s premiere episode, we get to see what the Celebrity Apprentice is really all about. These morons are trying to do some good in the world – even Joan Rivers.
Joan’s charity God’s Love We Deliver, takes meals to people who can’t get out of their houses. I feel like a cynical bitch, ‘cause they stop at a house to deliver a meal and the first thing I said was, “Why can’t that lazy bum leave her house?” She was a young-ish gal with two kids. Turns out she has cancer. Seriously, I’m a jerk. Thankfully, when Joan gives the check to the gal from GLWD, the gal tells the woman with cancer that they are going to use some of the money to help her, specifically. I’m still a jerk.
When we get around to Donald’s meeting to introduce the task, we find out that Zappos.com is the biz of the day. Ms. Kardashian is chosen to be the PM for the ladies, and Scott Hamilton gets the gig for the men. They are guaranteed at least 20K for their charity if they win. Basically, Zappos wants a cartoon character developed to convey their culture and customer service.
First step is a meeting with the CEO (Tony) of Zappos for each team. The women are doing well, asking what Zappos wants out of the campaign – and Melissa Rivers starts grilling him on his past relationships – as in what color hair does he prefer on a woman. The other gals recover from the inane irrelevance, and say they’ve got it. The men get the same audience, and Tom Green won’t shut his freaking pie hole!
Trump’s “nugget” of the day is about handling the pressure. He’s not sure Khloe can handle the pressure – but he’s sure Scott can. Great. Thanks for that.
The ladies literally sit and talk and talk and talk. They can’t decide anything, and the only thing I’m seeing is that the Rivers’ gals are straight up nutso. Joan suggests they hire a midget. They have to write a script to start with, and Annie takes control. Wacko Joan is offended because she’s written Emmy winning shit, and yeah whatever. Who cares what anyone has done in real life – it’s all crap if all you do is run your damn mouth.
Actually, it seems like Annie is trying to be in charge of everything, but Khloe decides to take the bull by the horns and get things under control.
Rodman is about as nutty as Joan. He thinks they should get a transvestite – no, not just a tranny, a sexy male tranny. Tom Green is all about that – but Scott Hamilton is not down. Their designer shows up, and they are still not ready to start. Clint Black is an inconsiderate ass (per Tom Green), Scott Hamilton can’t control anyone or anything (really?) and Dennis Rodman is crazy.
Back to the crazy ladies, and they finally strike gold and come up with an idea. Claudia comes up with a super hero chick, and Melissa gets the slogan. Melissa takes credit for all of it. Then they have a focus group with a bunch of comic book guys. Just picture the biggest dorks you’ve ever come across – and that was them. They are captivated by the pretty ladies, and love all of their ideas. Someone comments that they were a bunch of virgins – exactly.
The focus group goes to the men, and Tom Green takes charge. Tom Green isn’t known for being exactly “on task”, and he keeps the focus group from doing anything, basically. Scott Hamilton blames Tom for the lack of congruity, and you know that really, Scott is just a wuss. They still have no real plan, and time is running out fast.
The men are completely disorganized. They’ve got no clue other than a storyline. No character name, no control. Tom is obsessed with the name, the rest of the guys are ignoring him. He feels that no one respects him – hmmm…wonder why? He is the most obnoxious man on the planet. No one like Scott’s name EEE (everything, everywhere, every time) – but they let him have it. Jesse James and Rodman are the costume designers, and Jesse James cracks me up when he says he’s gonna change his biz to “West Coast Choppers and Costumes! Hi-larious!
Tom isn’t allowed to do anything or make any decisions. He tries to cause conflict and is constantly derailing the project. Herschel Walker says Tom *may* have ADD. What a freaking understatement.
The women on the other hand, have their shit together. They have their costume ready when they get there – they literally just have it together. Except Claudia comes down with what seems like Strep Throat, and she’s the presenter. Oh no!
Jesse James and Dennis Rodman are irritated with Clint Black – and with good reason. I’m a fan of Country music, but not a Clint Black fan. I find his songs and his demeanor obnoxious. They are trying to scrape their presentation together, but the time is quickly approaching. Presentation time…
Claudia starts the ladies’ presentation, and in spite of the teasers, she isn’t doing bad. She says she should have gotten a “C” on that presentation. Natalie admits she would never wear the outfit, and the ladies are crushed.
The men decide to put Tom Green up. He actually does a great job, but the CEO is turned off by using the letter E rather than Zappos use of the letter Z. Tony (that’s the CEO) begins to announce the winner, but that isn’t how TV works is it? Damn commercials. My stupid DVR is caught up, so I’m stuck watching them.
So, we go to the boardroom, and the men start self-destructing right away. The women look awesome, because they are overall working well together. Tom and Scott start in on each other, and Scott honestly looks like the bad guy. That’s kind of irritating because Tom is extremely obnoxious.
The one thing I love about the women is that they correct Melissa when she claims credit for their character. I’m glad they aren’t letting her run things.
This show is getting really, really, really long – and blah, blah, blah – the women win.
The women leave, and the men are grilled by the Donald. He questions Tom and Scott, then asks everyone who he *should* fire. Herschel = Tom, Brian = whoever came up with “EEE”, Rodman = Scott, Jesse = Clint (Donald says What the F&C% did Clint do? – Tom and Jesse say Clint is too argumentative), Clint = Tom.
Donald tells Scott to bring back two, and Scott is smart enough to take that advice (unlike Gene Simmons from last season). It’s gonna be Tom and Herschel. He admits he’s bringing Herschel back as an advocate, no so either of them are going home.
Trump asks Herschel for his perspective, and then tells him to leave – he ain’t going anywhere. Tom and Scott continue their ridiculous arguing – and Trump is stuck on the fact that Tom disagreed with the name “EEE”. I’m beyond bored with this process, and if they put ONE more commercial break in, you aren’t going to find out who got fired. Oh, there it is…
Alright, I was bluffing. I hate it, but I want to know who got the axe.
They’re back. And, you know, as much as I hated the way Tom acted, I’m definitely an outside-of-the-box kind of girl. Scott is stuck in the box and is trying to bring the whole world in that little box with him. After a particularly heartfelt comment by Tom about both he and Scott being Testicular Cancer survivors (together, they’re a pair – HA!), I’m actually rooting for Tom.
It comes down to the person who named the character. So, Scott – you’re fired.
