Duad. Ted totally got in a fight on this week’s episode of How I Met Your Mother. No, seriously. He had his first ever real fight. If that isn’t brilliant enough for all you sitcom cynics…Marshall defends his weight against Lily’s kindergarten class and Robin continues her crusade for the first Emmy for any HIMYM cast member by uttering the genius line, “If he’s got no teeth, I’ve got no pants.” Okay, okay. I know you’re anxious to get to it so…
I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed Doug at the bar before but he’s the big bartender who’s always walking through when something funny is happening. As Ted explains it, there are three things very important to know about Doug: 1. He’s touchy about his hairpiece. 2. He’s extremely violent. 3. He’s also extremely loyal to his regular customers. This last extends very much so to Ted and his friend’s. Doug repeatedly goes so far as to kick people out if they’re sitting in the gangs’ booth. Funny, yeah? I always wondered how they got the same booth every night.
One night in particular, the guys who Doug kicks out of the booth aren’t too pleased about the whole thing and challenge him to a fight in the alley. When Doug comes to Ted, Marshall, and Barney to let them know about the fight, a discussion breaks out about the validity of fighting. Of course, they’re all against fighting because it’s juvenile and silly. Well, except for Robin whose Canadian culture and love of hockey lends her to believe that fighting is sexy. Hence the aforementioned line. Though Ted may no longer care if she thinks he’s sexy, Barney totally does so when Ted finally grows a pair and decides he needs to fight to prove himself, Barney follows suit. Awesome. The boys are ready and when they get to the alley, they’re completely pumped. Except Doug has already taken out all three guys.
Don’t fret, my loves. The boys didn’t totally miss their glory moment. Doug, as it happens, often blacks out when he gets angry, which allows the boys to act as though they had his back the entire time. Since Doug, the only witness, believes them, the only thing left to do is make it look like they’ve been in a fight. Barney starts it off by hitting himself in the eye. Seriously. I almost peed my pants watching that. Then, as Ted stares in amazement, Barney hits him. With a black eye and a bloody nose, the boys walk back into the bar just in time for Doug to announce to everyone that Barney and Ted won the fight. And none were the wiser. Except for Marshall, who according to himself has an extensive fighting background with his brothers. But those are just brotherly fights. I mean, they probably take breaks for hot cocoa, or so the gang thinks.
For now, though, Barney and Ted are the heroes and Marshall is the wuss. Naturally, Lily tries to cheer Marshall up by inviting him to speak to her class about being strong enough to walk away from a fight. When he tells the kids his story, though, they start calling him ask him why he would wuss out when he’s so huge. This leads to him having to defend himself by pointing out he’s wearing a baggy sweater with horizontal stripes. Maybe the kids will understand when they’re older. For now, Marshall can only hope he can be somewhat of an example for Ted and Barney, who are milking their “heroism” for everything it’s worth.
Back at the bar, the heroes are playing down their fight to two girls when they notice two guys sitting in their booth. Having to now fully play into their roles, they walk over and tell the guys to beat it. Then they find out Doug isn’t working and take it back but it’s too late. No, no, they don’t fight. The guys aren’t looking for that, they are just looking to serve the boys with notices that they’re being sued for assault. Ted and Barney promptly run to Marshall and confess that they didn’t actually fight at all. Vindicated at last. He knew they never fought. Marshall agrees to help them out but not before breaking the news to Robin, who had just invited Barney out with her (she had been all over him since he first stepped out of the booth to join the fight). So much for that. Stupid Barney and Robin. Why can’t they just be together for real already. Agh. Whatever.
The boys are off the hook but now Doug, angry Doug, knows that they not only sold him out but also didn’t have his back to begin with. And back to the alley we go. This time, Barney runs off screaming and Ted profusely apologizes. Until Doug says he knows now why Stella left him at the altar. That switched something on in Ted and he took a swing at Doug which leads to the only real fight Ted has ever been in. Really, though, it only lasts one more punch and he’s out. Doug doesn’t go unpunished so don’t feel too bad for Ted. Remember those silly brotherly fights Marshall kept talking about? Yeah. He and his brother had all out death matches so when Ted comes to, Doug is knocked out and Marshall is holding his wig. I love this show.
Just a little side note…it’s funny that Robin was into Barney and not Ted when the two of them were fighting. Maybe a little taste of what's to come. Oh yeah, they also teased about the goat episode again so that should be coming up. Forget about who the mother is, the goat’s the real mystery.
