Another week, another episode starting with an arrogant proclamation by Rock. Bizarrely believing that Brad was his biggest competition—Brad who?—he repeats that he could beat Josh easily, and doesn’t exactly refute Bonnie’s claim that they’re surprised she’s still there. I’m just waiting for him to start beating his chest and telling people to hear him roar.
Back in the kitchen with Ramsay, we learn they’re all on the same team now! Black jackets for all, and champagne in the face, sprayed by Ramsay with the seeming force of a fireman’s hose. There always has to be pain involved, doesn’t there Gordon? He tells them that this week will be their first individual challenge—not counting, apparently, the first episode’s challenge to cook their signature dishes—and that they will be cooking for “trend setters.” Jen, for unknown reasons, automatically assumes it could be “Mariah or the Rock [she might have said Barack, but probably not]” and if so, she’ll pee herself. Between pulling spaghetti out of the garbage and urinating on herself, the Rock would at least be able to smell what she’s cooking.
Aside from the fact that Mariah and the Rock haven’t been trend setters the entire time ‘Hell’s Kitchen’ has even been on the air, Jen is, of course, wrong. The trendsetters are high schoolers, known for their refined palates and infallible sense of style! Each of the chefs isn’t afraid to cook down for high schoolers, with Rock making a prettied-up meatloaf, Josh doing salmon, Jen doing chicken and pasta, Bonnie doing fried goat cheese on salad, and Julia cooking my personal favorite Waffle House dish, chicken and cheese sandwich with onion rings. OK, WaHo doesn’t do onion rings, but they ought to. The chefs serve their dishes cafeteria style on color-coded plates, with each of them trying to flirt or cajole the students and Bonnie reminding them “Pink is nice!” I wonder if the producers intentionally chose plate colors to represent the chefs’ personality, and if Rock started a fight off-camera to ask whether giving him purple was supposed to say something about his manliness.
Julia’s WaHo magic works, and the kids vote to send her to Vegas, which is the prize this week. She chooses Jen as her companion and the two trot off, leaving Rock, Josh and Bonnie to iron the tablecloths and steam the carpets in the dining room. Naturally, they are incompetent and fight constantly about it. Jen and Julia, in the meantime, stick their heads out of the limo window like dogs, and refer to the bidet in their hotel room as the “booty cleaner.” As they are visiting the Green Valley Ranch resort, where the show’s winner will be a chef, Julia notes that it’s a chance for her to do what no one in her family has done before. Does she mean looking like an uneducated fool on television, because that seems to be what she’s done with her visit so far.
And back in L.A., the dinner bell rings! In the kitchen as one team for the first time, things seem to be pretty much the same as usual. Josh is back on appetizers, as always, and is constantly fouling them up, as he has literally every week. The man has never made a well-cooked risotto, so why should things change tonight? Ramsay is on his case as usual, but this time he calls Josh “a donut”—a tie-in with the endless Simpsons Movie promotions on Fox right now? Bonnie and Julia, in the meantime, pull off their entrees at practically the same time Josh manages the appetizers, so when a customer complains about her undercooked risotto, it’s the last straw. Ramsay rips off Josh’s brand-new “chef” tag, and kicks him out of the kitchen!
Back from commercial break, Ramsay actually chases Josh out of the kitchen screaming at him to take off his jacket, which really is unprecedented. It looks like Josh has been kicked out of the kitchen for real, and heads back to the dorm to pack his bag. As Ramsay explains to the remaining chefs, “He’s out on Sunset Boulevard looking for a bus.” Wow. Ramsay’s temper tantrums had been seeming constructive for a few weeks there, but kicking someone out in the middle of dinner service, leaving your kitchen a man short? You’re just cutting off your beef Wellington to spite your risotto… or something.
In any case, kicking Josh out actually does seem to help things, as Jen takes over appetizers and the entrees make it out in a reasonable fashion. Julia, on the other hand, keeps losing the garnish she’s already made—have goblins or poltergeists appeared in ‘Hell’s Kitchen’?—and gets all flustered, while Jen and Rock start the power plays we knew they would make and can’t quit sniping at each other. Rock notes the camera that he enjoys working with women normally, “not like these bitches,” which he thinks will make him seem less like an asshole, but oh is he wrong. Even after Ramsay slams he kitchen’s ceiling to get them to shut up, Rock persists in calling Jen a “simple-ass broad” under his breath.
Unsurprisingly, neither Rock nor Jen is chosen as the night’s leader—it’s Bonnie. She still has to choose two to eliminate, though, which I guess is making up for that week when they let Melissa stick around. Rock cries-- cries!-- as he contemplates the idea of going home, while Jen whines that “everyone hates me” and she “just wants to go home.” Julia, on the other hand, refuses to nominate herself for elimination, and why not! Green Valley Ranch could make a killing in attracting high schoolers to come eat those onion rings.
Bonnie nominates Rock, obviously, and then Julia! The tactic of putting up one person you really want to go and another you think can stay has worked in the past, though Bonnie actually had the chance to get rid of her biggest competition, Jen. Bonnie’s plan backfires miserably, though, and Julia, wonderful sweet Julia, goes home! Ramsay is clearly upset about the decision, and actually offers to send her to culinary school and invites her to come back on the show afterwards and win it all. Julia even gets a montage of her past successes as she walks down that backlit hallway, and Bonnie is clearly kicking herself as she watches Julia go.
Ramsay probably did make the right decision…as much as an ass he is, Rock is a talented chef, and has a much better chance of being able to run his own restaurant than Julia did. But man… who thought good could actually triumph over ambition on this show? I hate to admit it, but I did.
Next week: the chefs get surprised by something that makes them cry, which in reality TV lingo can only mean their families. In the kitchen each of the chefs get their chances to run things, and Bonnie apparently loses it and yells at someone! I knew we kept that girl around for a reason.
