Question: Does Heidi not own a computer? Could her multiple plastic surgeries have cost her that much money? I mean, clearly if she got a nickel (actually, make that millions of dollars) every time someone played “Body Language (Feat. Spencer Pratt)” she’d be ridiculously loaded, right? Okay, okay, I know, pretty trivial issues considering Heidi and Lauren had two confrontations (three if you count the incident that is sure to propel iChat to instant infamy), but why would she choose to IM Lauren on Spencer’s computer and then neglect to delete the IMs before he could look at them? The farewell between Heidi and Lauren exuded finality (Heidi: The apartment looks sooooo good. Have a nice life!), but I’m still holding out for the showdown we’ve really been waiting for: Lauren v. Spencer.
Let’s get the requisite Audrina-sort-of-has-a-life-too sub-sub-plot out of the way. Audrina, who apparently was promoted to her own cubicle (isn’t the cover of Us Weekly higher than a cubicle?) at Epic in an earlier episode (deceptive “previously on…” editing anyone?), got to follow around a (suspiciously) friendly Sean Kingston on the set of Jimmy Kimmel Live (with a cubicle, comes great responsibility). Juxtaposed with her burp-now-talk-never date with grimy J-B, Audrina’s encounter with Sean Kingston, who even sent Audrina flowers (though she didn’t do anything to deserve them—at least when Heidi, Whitney, and Lauren “work” events they actually do work), felt like a male interaction unsuitable for The Hills (read: healthy, non-abusive, etc.).
Lauren’s staple look of shock (last seen, I believe, when she found out Jason got engaged) was sort of unwarranted when Whitney told her Heidi was right behind her at the Declare Yourself Party. That’s because Whitney and Lauren spotted Brent Bolthouse’s company on the list of sponsors ahead of time, and kind of figured Heidi would be there. It didn’t stop them from showing up (I refuse to acknowledge the glaring evidence—we’re supposed to believe Heidi capitalizes her I’s when IMing?!—that almost proves this whole episode was scripted, because, well, it was still riveting!), and nothing stopped Heidi from approaching Lauren (whom Kimberley knows as “that girl Heidi got into a fight with”). Whitney did a commendable job of minimizing the awkwardness as she introduced herself to Kimberley, but the explosive argument went nowhere.
Heidi, wanting more face time, IMed Lauren the next day, only to find Spencer later reading the messages and discouraging her from entering “the lion’s den.” The lion’s den turned out to be neat (Lauren: “Audrina makes me clean.”), suggesting it was only messy before because of the literal and figurative mess that Heidi brought with her (scriptwriters, that is what you were going for, right?). Heidi gave Lauren flowers, warning her they had thorns (I think you scriptwriters went a little heavy on the metaphors tonight). Lauren told Heidi—who claimed Spencer doesn’t hate her and she isn’t responsible for her fiancé’s actions—she wanted to “forgive and forget,” though she said she knew it took a lot for Heidi to apologize. Bottom line: Timbaland and One Republic are right and they’re not—it’s not too late to apologize, it’s just too late to get your apology accepted.
