Still reeling from the confrontation seen ’round the world? Me too. But that doesn’t mean we needed filler to catch us from the fallout. There was no mention whatsoever of last week’s face-to-face farewell. Instead, Whitney went on a date and Speidi lamely argued over the wedding. Lauren’s date with wallpaper earlier in the season had no sparks, but the awkwardness was engrossing to watch. Whitney’s date, on the other hand, had no sparks and had nothing else. She and Jarett, her personal trainer, agreed that they’d rather have fun than pursue a relationship. It’s hard to believe the dull date was fun for them. Clearly it wasn’t fun for us.
I’m not sure she knew it, or she cared, but Whitney had a lot of pressure on her. It was the first time she got a romantic subplot (though apparently she ended a relationship in May—the girl may not be riveting to watch but she’s got a special talent in hiding things from the camera), and it’s not surprising why she hasn’t had one before. What is surprising? The most exciting revelation since the Lauren-Heidi send-off: Whitney barely wears any makeup. As Whitney prepared for her anticlimactic assignation, Lauren snooped around her bag, discovering very little makeup. The little scene was so amazing because Lauren was doing exactly what we do every week—poke our noses around pretty purses and their owners.
Heidi said the fight she had with Spencer over the wedding arrangements was the worst fight they’ve had, but I think the fight they had over Spencer’s Hollywood mural was considerably more heated. Heidi brought Spencer, who looks perpetually pissed whenever the idea of a legitimate wedding is brought up, to a church where they met a pastor. The mere thought of Speidi premarital counseling was more entertaining than anything that actually happened. Spencer was so keen on eloping that he packed bags for him and Heidi and booked a honeymoon suite in Vegas.
An unaware Heidi refused to go through with the plans, took off her wedding ring, and Spencer took his bag and spent the night with his parents (so I guess he finally told them about the wedding?). The two reconciled—an unsatisfying juxtaposition with last week’s forgive-and-forget. That coupled with Whitney and Jarett’s uneventful friend-fest left a disgustingly sweet taste in my mouth. Why can’t they all just not get along?
