It’s pretty unbelievable that J-B’s replacement is his utter antithesis—a gentlemanly, bathed guy who knows how not to belch at the dinner table. It’s also unbelievable that Audrina snagged anti-J-B so soon after breaking up with him. (Perhaps a long stretch of un-camera-worthy time passed between the goodbye and the hello?) Corey is probably the first boy-toy of a friend Lauren’s taken a liking to. Is anyone else dubious about the all-love-no-hate for anti-J-B? Could it just be that Audrina is so used to J-B’s prehistoric behavior that she doesn’t know what dating a post-stone-age man is like? Did I ever ask this many questions in a row about J-B?
I digress. Speidi may not be getting married after all (!): clearly there are more pressing issues than The Brody Question (sorry, didn’t mean to put you to sleep for three words) and J-B’s (Australian) replacement. Heidi took She-Pratt’s whole omg-we’re-family-now bit too seriously and confided in her about the fight with Spencer. Heidi asked She-Pratt not to tell Spencer about their girl talk, but She-Pratt snitched and told Spencer in the card store where they were picking up the Save-The-Date cards (yes, clearly the wedding date needing some saving, but not the kind Spencer had intended) that he shouldn’t waste money on anything related to the wedding. Now, why did She-Pratt wait until they were in the store to bring this up?
The Hills certainly doesn’t give us answers to all of our questions (like, why were Jen Bunney and Lauren beer pong partners?), but it did provide an important one. Why wasn’t Lo at Lauren and Audrina’s Halloween party (which is, by the way, supposedly the first party they threw at the apartment)? She had a midterm the next day, and had some terms to coin for her upcoming dinner with Lauren. Yes, the dinner was “romantical,” and Brody’s name was mentioned more than once, but take-home point: Lo still exists!
And so does that producer-fabricated chemistry between Brody and Lauren, who I’m convinced wouldn’t be interested in each other if story editors didn’t tell them to be. The two would(n’t)-be lovers shared an annoying dinner that ended with Lauren looking through the list of contacts on Brody’s cell phone. Brody told Lauren that Brittney-Canada-Whore and friends mean nothing to him, though they must mean more to him than the Brody-Lauren fauxtraction means to us. Sure, Heidi and Spencer have their problems, but at least we know they choose to be with each other.
For now, though, Spencer is choosing not to be with Heidi who, after being confronted by him about the She-Pratt dish session, defended herself by accusing Spencer of moving things too quickly. Spencer told Heidi that she just wanted a lavish ceremony so she could delay actually marrying him. Each lover’s point was semi-appropriate, but the two couldn’t reach a compromise. Spencer walked out leaving a devastated Heidi alone in the apartment, and leaving MTV execs wondering whether they had gone through the trouble of casting the Speidi wedding for nothing.
