I’m assuming Lauren would extend her “It’s not okay to have your boyfriend do your dirty work” philosophy to sisters. Stephanie Pratt (aka She-Pratt) stepped into her brother’s shoes by berating Lauren, Brody, and Audrina, defending her (possibly) soon-to-be sister-in-law and the Pratt dynasty. She also happened to be (The Hills has officially—just in case it wasn’t official weeks ago—made coincidences the new norm) present for J-B’s insanely (and rightfully so) gossiped about make-out session with mystery bitch in front of Audrina. See what happens when Whitney stays where she belongs in the Teen Vogue closet?
She-Pratt (who, by the way, is an electronically ordained minister!) made her first appearance off-stage in an impromptu tirade against Audrina, calling her and an absent Lauren bitches. It’s been obvious this season that the producers have trouble getting good dialogue out of Audrina (or maybe she has trouble memorizing the brilliant words of talented story editors?), but when Audrina relayed her She-Pratt sighting to Lauren it felt like real-life dishing. It’s moments like these that genuinely complicate the Hills realism question. And it’s moments like the subsequent confrontation that give the easy no-way-in-Hills-is-that-real answer.
Brody was the one who spotted She-Pratt as he, Lauren, Audrina, Frankie, and kind-of J-B (I say kind-of because, well, he was there and he wasn’t—he was clearly preoccupied with the girl who wasn’t his girlfriend) sat at a table at Opera (no, the Hillsters did not actually spend a night at the opera, though the drama of their evening was sufficiently operatic). She-Pratt, accompanied by Heidi’s friend Roxy (yes, Heidi has a friend!) strangely asked Brody to come home with her, before reprimanding Lauren for trash-talking her brother. Best insult of the night: Audrina’s observation that She-Pratt and Roxy are totally like Cinderella’s stepsisters.
Best insult about the night: She-Pratt’s surprising insight into Frankie—the wanna-be Wilmer Valderrama. Spencer praised She-Pratt’s loyalty, but Heidi was more interested in She-Pratt’s retelling of the J-B kiss that J-B himself so vehemently denied to Audrina who insisted she saw it with her own eyes. The parking lot brawl (okay, so it wasn’t a physical brawl, but it was a downright emotional one) ended in Audrina’s decision to go in the car with J-B, though she later informed Chiara that she immediately went home. Audrina mustered the strength (it’s tough to find energy when you spend so much time whitening your teeth and so much less time feeding yourself) to officially break-up with a sort-of-but-not-really upset J-B whose reconciliation efforts were minimal at best. I wasn’t feeling the whole tragically appropriate scored drive-away montage for this break-up. I’m sure Lauren watched this, smugly mumbling (or shouting), “I told you so,” at her TV. And I’m sure She-Pratt and Heidi mumbled whatever it was Spencer told them to say.
