Here’s to hoping the metaphor-of-the-week trend started by the past two weeks (white paint, anyone?) of The Hills will continue for the entirety of Season Three. Justin carelessly left Audrina’s motorcycle helmet – the latest instance of an everyday object imitating life in L.A. – on the couch at Brody’s over-hyped summer kickoff barbecue, figuratively telling Audrina that he wasn’t into the whole healthy-relationship-thing she wants.
The way Lauren put on the helmet and knocked on it, mimicking life’s never-ending blows, couldn’t have been more appropriate for the teary moment between the newly bonded BFFs, even though Heidi was all Lauren seemed to have on her mind. It’s hard not to put all your attention on Heidi, especially when she’s out in the boondocks with the rest of the Montag clan sharing her gremlin of a sort-of-fiancé with them. The rustic Colorado mountains may have resembled the sweeping geography of Brokeback Mountain, but the only romance there was that between Spencer, and, well, himself.
Watching Audrina walk with Justin on the beach felt like watching an unshaven, un-showered Tom Hanks in Cast Away attempt to converse with the first woman he’s seen in years. Justin and his gaudy grunginess (combat boots to the beach?) didn’t seem to care as Audrina talked to him about Lauren. He did, however, seem concerned when some random girl at Brody’s barbeque wanted to give him her number. A devastated Audrina insisted to Lauren that she couldn’t handle Justin anymore. It was obvious, though, that Lauren had the bigger break-up issues. She may have been drunk, but the tears she shed over taking in the finality of her ex-BFF-ship with Heidi seemed painfully genuine.
Heidi’s suggestion of a Meet the Montags weekend was suspiciously spontaneous (could the producers have been that desperate for a story arc?), in turn disrupting Spencer’s party co-hosting obligation to Brody, who was downright offended that Spencer would abandon him on the weekend of the barbeque to meet Heidi’s family. I’m hoping this isn’t any type of foreshadowing of a Spencer-Brody break-up reminiscent of the Lauren-Heidi fallout, though I’m fairly certain it is. I like the doubling motif, but I think people care more about the interior decorating situation of the Speidi apartment than the future of the Spody friendship. I do, however, think more people care about the Spody friendship than that completely unnecessary sub-sub-sub-plot of Brody breaking his wrist at the barbeque while playing football (Lauren, by the way, was totally in the right during the argument they had over her laughing at Brody’s injury).
It was quite enlightening to see Heidi’s humble home and charming mother, Darlene, who vehemently questioned Heidi’s fallout with Lauren and the unhealthy exclusivity of her relationship with Spencer. Heidi told her mother that she was building some new friendships with girls who were friends with Spencer’s friends (read: anti-Laurens exuding shadiness). Spencer told Darlene that Lauren only wanted Heidi for herself after telling Heidi’s stepfather, who didn’t seem to buy it, that Heidi was the love of his life.
Performances have always played a crucial role in shaping the action on The Hills, but Spencer’s performance on the trip to meet Heidi’s parents stands out above the rest, even if Heidi’s parents didn’t seem convinced that Spencer is marriage material. Perhaps Heidi’s parents don’t know the real Spencer because they don’t get cable TV all the way out in their farmhouse. Someone ought to send them a Hills Season Two DVD. That’ll do the job.
