It’s been a week and the country has had time to fully mourn the loss of Lawrence Kutner. The shock has subsided, the rumors have stopped swirling and the truth has come to light. No, actor Kal Penn isn’t really dead and he wasn’t unceremoniously fired by FOX. For those who still don’t know, he got himself a sweet gig with the Obama Administration, so calm down! Let’s all get over it together, shall we? Maybe a new case can distract us. An environmental activist, chained to a group of other protesters outside a coal mine, has trouble keeping on his feet and his lack of balance brings him through the doors of Princeton Plainsboro Hospital.
Cameron apologizes to Chase for having to postpone their romantic vacation, but she has to stick around PPH a bit to ensure that House takes the activist’s case. Chase is understandably upset; after Kutner’s suicide, he believes life is too short and wants to enjoy it with the one he loves.
Cameron introduces the new case to the team. Being as obnoxious as usual, House is curious why Cam is trying to step into Kutner’s shoes. Okay, there’s a couple of mentions of Kutner already, not even two full paragraphs into the recap; I thought we were trying to get over Thirteen doesn’t believe there’s any case at all; an environmental nutjob is exposed to tons of toxins. Cam tells her a tox screen was clean and there are no apparent neurological, muscular or cardiovascular abnormalities. Taub thinks the patient may be faking the illness to get a hefty settlement from the police, but Cam isn’t convinced – why would he play possum just to get sent to the hospital with the best diagnostician in the country? House orders Cameron to perform a vestibular caloric test to check whether the patient’s balance problem is in his head or in his body.
House meets up with Wilson in the cafeteria to discuss the case and try to figure out why Cameron is hanging out with the team. Wilson surprises him by ordering an egg white omelet with wheat toast and no bacon. Wilson never eats like this. Too healthy. What’s up?
The vestibular caloric test entails Cameron injecting ice water into Eco Freak’s inner ear, but he doesn’t seem too concerned; he’s more interested in preaching on the sins of having pesticide-laden flowers in hospital rooms. Suddenly, he reacts to the water – it makes him feel like he’s in free-fall and then he vomits all over Cam. She reports back to the team that despite the vomiting, all results are normal. Foreman suggests carotid atherosclerosis (narrowing of the carotid artery). House orders Cameron to administer a holter monitor and carotid doppler test.
During testing, Eco Freak begins to hiccup uncontrollably. He tells Cameron that he’s been hiccupping off and on for about a week. Before she can tell House about the hiccups, Chase confronts her in the hallway about their vacation. She fends him off by telling him she has to stay on the case but can’t tell him why. He’s angry and suspicious, so he goes to Cuddy and asks her if Cam is trying to get back on House’s team. Cuddy doesn’t seem aware of Cam’s involvement. Chase asks her whether she thinks Cam is in love with House and she doesn’t really answer, just says it’s a ridiculous question. He asks whether Cuddy herself is in love with House; again, she avoids giving an answer and Chase doesn’t feel any better.
Cameron tells the team about the hiccups. Taub suggests multiple sclerosis and House orders Cameron to perform a lumbar puncture. Although House would be upset, she asks Foreman to help her with the puncture. Foreman is suspicious about Cam’s refusal to go on vacation with Chase. She denies anything is going on. The hiccups make the lumbar puncture impossible, so she decides they need to drug the patient before proceeding.
House goes to the lounge to seek out Wilson’s lunch. He finds a healthy bowl of kale and other rabbit food; while picking through the green crap, a woman enters and introduces herself as Eco Freak’s wife. House is curious why the patient didn’t tell anyone that he was married, nor that he’s the father of a 4 year old son. Mrs. Freak tells him that her hubby is often getting arrested and tries to protect his family by not letting them know about all his exploits. House wonders how she found him in the lounge and she responds that the doctor in the office next to his told her she may find him here – Wilson. What is he up to?
House goes to Eco Freak’s room where he finds Cameron and Foreman trying to complete the lumbar puncture. He tells Cam that he knows she’s spying on him for Wilson, maybe preparing to act as a substitute grief counselor in the wake of Kutner’s death. She denies it. Then they all notice that Eco Freak’s neck looks a little weird. It’s swollen and bumpy. House pokes his finger into the flesh and it snap, crackle and pop!
The nasty crunching sounds in Eco Freak’s neck are caused by an air leak between his lungs. Thirteen suggests progressive systemic sclerosis. House orders IV methyl-prednisolone, but he doesn’t send Cam to do it because he knows she wants to be at the hospital with the team; he wants to see where she goes and what she does now that he’s finally setting her free. She retreats to the ER to hide out and do more work. Cuddy finds her there and asks her if she’s in love with House. Cam thinks she’s just pissing a circle around her man. Cuddy tells her neither one of them should be trying to get with House and she cautions her not to lose Chase over a dumb reason.
House visits Wilson at home to find out why he’s been eating so healthy. He supposes it may have something to do with Kutner’s suicide and Wilson’s musings on his own mortality but W. laughs it off. The team calls House and he hears an earsplitting scream in the background; it’s Eco Freak shrieking in agony. A new symptom: excruciating pain manifesting in his left leg. House orders antibiotics and x-rays to confirm osteomyelitis (a bacterial infection of the bone or marrow); x-rays reveal that his femur is fractured – apparently, he broke the hardest bone in the human body simply lying in bed.
Thirteen thinks it’s osteogenesis imperfecta, but Foreman reminds her that brittle bone disease wouldn’t cause hiccups. House tells them the only answer seems to be cancer which makes tons of sense considering all the fun times Eco Freak has spent traipsing through toxic dumps and coal mines. House tells them to inform Chase that he should set the broken bone while they prepare the patient for chemo.
During the bone-setting procedure, Foreman bursts into the OR to request time for a biopsy. When Chase asks him whether Cameron agrees with House’s assessment that it could be cancer, Foreman spills the beans that Cam’s been off the case for ages.
House finds Cameron hiding out in the ER. He questions why she won’t go home or on vacation with Chase. She tells him that she found an engagement ring in Chase’s sock drawer. She doesn’t want him to propose now because she thinks it’s just a knee-jerk reaction to Kutner’s suicide. Here we go again – let’s get over this, people!
Foreman checks on Eco Freak and tells him and his wife that the biopsy showed no trace of cancer. He inspects beneath his bandage and notices that the surgical scar is bleeding. When he finds bruising on the patient’s other leg, he realizes that he’s hemorrhaging. House is still convinced that it’s cancer so he orders total body irradiation, although TBI will probably kill Eco Freak. Taub comes up with an idea almost as crazy: give him insulin-like growth factor to grow any tumors or malignancies to a detectable size. Mrs. Freak isn’t happy that they want to make her husband’s cancer worse (that’s if he has cancer at all). But it’s the best option they’ve got.
House is disturbed: he didn’t predict Kutner’s Smith & Wesson farewell, he seems to be wrong about Cameron’s reasons for hanging around him and the team, he can’t figure out why his best friend is eating like he’s trying to lose a few, and Taub just devised a brilliantly twisted diagnostic method that he should’ve come up with first. He goes to Wilson to bemoan his lost mojo. Wilson tells him that it’s normal for the suicide of a close colleague to send him a little off his game…Mojo? Who is he, Austin Powers?
Chase finally hunts down Cameron in the cafeteria. He’s seeing red because he can’t understand why she’s ruining their holiday plans just to be with House. Maybe that’s it. To be with House. She wants to be with House! FOX finally catches up with real time when Chase promptly breaks up with her. Whew! I was wondering when these two were gonna be on the outs on the show. It must be so uncomfortable pretending everyday that your ex is still the man/woman of your dreams.
Foreman, Thirteen and Taub prepare to administer the growth factor but Eco Freak’s wife is clearly upset. He tries to explain to her that his exploits trying to save the world obviously put him in this predicament. He knew what he was getting into and now he just wants his life to have meaning. But before he can finish his thought, he goes into v-tach and passes out.
House asks the team to come up with more theories to explain loss of balance, hiccups, air trapped between the lungs, a broken femur, and tachycardia. Since no one speaks up, he orders them to insert a defibrillator until they figure out what’s wrong.
House finds Wilson at the vending machine and he waits to see what healthy goodies he’ll select. After some thought, Wilson chooses gummi bears. House is intrigued – Wilson knows he hates gummi bears just as he knows House hates health food. Wilson confesses that he’s been messing with House to stop him from mooching food off him and, more importantly, to get things back to normal. House is impressed, then he has his eureka! The mojo’s back!
House arrives in time to stop Taub and the others from prepping Eco Freak for heart surgery. He asks the patient if he has a garden – he answers no, he and his family live in an apartment (okay, let’s try this again). He asks him if the apartment has a window box with some flowers – again, no (not off to a good start). Potted plants? Not at all, commercial growers use too many pesticides (oh, that rant again). Well, maybe you bought the missus some flowers? Mrs. Freak responds that he never would. Just once, out of desperation? Turns out he did; three weeks ago on their anniversary, Eco Freak missed a special dinner to attend a rally and he brought home roses as a peace offering. But his wife had already left with her suitcase. He later tossed the flowers and bought her a pair of earrings instead so she never knew until now that he’d compromised his beliefs for her. House tells him that he has spirotrichosis, an infection from a rose’s thorn. Despite all that fighting for the earth, the earth fought back.
House finds Cameron and tells her she can stop avoiding Chase now. She finds her ex-boo in the locker room and apologizes for forcing him away. She’s changed her mind and wants him to ask for her hand, if he still wants to. I almost wish he’d slam his locker shut and walk right past her. But he falls to one knee.
Everything seems back to normal post-Kutnergate. Until House goes home to rock out on the piano and harmonica. Mid-note, a familiar figure appears across the room…dead as a doornail Amber!
In Two Weeks: Cut-Throat Bitch just won’t go away!
