Tonight Lost recap is going to be short and sweet, both because I'm exhausted from having seen the new Star Trek and am afraid of J.J. Abrams further infiltrating my brain, and really, not that much happened tonight. Yes, we caught up with all of the characters, and moved them further along on the journeys that will lead to the season finale. But pretty much like every other penultimate episode of a season, this episode was more about the build-up than any actual action. So let's split it up into factions and figure out what the hell was going on.
Locke, Ben and Richard.
Locke arrives strutting to Richard Alpert's beachside camp, reminding everyone that he is the leader and taking charge in every way possible. Richard explains that he saw Jack, Kate, JIn etc. all die back in 1977, but Locke is sure he can avoid that, and for starters goes tramping off in the jungle with Ben and Richard for some mysterious mission. Turns out, the island has told Locke that the reason Richard was there to clean his wound when he was time traveling... is because Locke himself told him to! Having rescued his past self, Locke returns to camp and keeps making rules, announcing that it's finally time to visit Jacob once and for all, but Locke won't settle for just some mystical solo visit. He's bringing everyone with him! Richard's followers, perhaps in need of a little excitement, follow eagerly, and when Ben tells Locke he and Richard have their doubts, Locke says all confidently that he's going to kill Jacob! Even though Jacob might not really exist!
Kate, Jack and Eloise.
Faraday is dead, for sure, and Jack and Kate are brought into the Others camp to explain to Eloise just what the hell is going on. WIthout much effort they convince her that they are indeed from the future, and that guy was indeed her son, though Papa Widmore is still left pretty confused. Jack, hellbent on continuing Faraday's mission to set off the hydrogen bomb, gets Eloise and Richard to lead him to the bomb's location, which happens to be in an underwater temple-- I mean, obviously. Kate balks at this point, still a tiny bit uncomfortable with Jack's plan to nuke the island, but just when she's about the be shot for insubordination, Sayid pops up out of the woods with his handy marksmanship! He's not happy that these bastards saved Ben's life after all that work he did, but he still follows Jack and company under the water, through the woods, and to Jughead's house. Eloise asks out loud "Well, now what?" Your move, Shepard!
Miles, Jin and Hurley.
Hurley raids the Dharma pantry and is ready to head into exile with his bros, but first Pierre Chang intercepts them, and gets them to fess up about being from the future by tripping up Hurley on historical questions ("That means you fought in the Korean War?" "There's no such thing.") Miles admits to being Chang's son, which really doesn't result in the kind of emotional reunion I was hoping for, but does convince Chang to evacuate the island by submarine, starting with his own wife and child. Miles, Jin and Hurley witness the evacuation, seeing Charlotte and Baby Miles make it safely off the island... along with Sawyer and Juliet? Hurley figures it's part of some master plan of Sawyer's, but it turns out, good ol' Radzinski has more to do with this turn of events.
Sawyer and Juliet.
They've been dragged down into a Dharma control room to be questioned and roughed up by Radzinski, who demands to know where Kate and Jack went and where the hostiles are and all that. Sawyer is beaten to a pulp despite Horace's protests, and still won't talk, and even when Phil punches Juliet, both of them remain silent. Finally they get word of the evacuation in progress, and Sawyer says he and Juliet will tell them whatever they want to know if they can get a seat on the submarine. I have no idea why that seems like a good deal to anyone, but somehow Juliet and Sawyer make it onboard, and just when it seems they're going to get away with all of it and live happily together forever... Kate somehow shows up! Because she ran back to Dharma when she got afraid of Jack's nuclear bomb, and for some reason they put her on the submarine, and now the love triangle WILL NEVER END. GOOD GOD END THE MADNESS.
