New Jersey it's time for the end. But don't worry this is ONLY the beginning of our new love affair (I fear). Only six episodes yet you've given us so much. I can't wait to see what hasn't already been shown in the spoiler clips (table flipping included). We begin with Dina visiting Teresa's finished dream house. Dina thinks the house is "FREAKING GORGEOUS." Teresa designed everything herself, "every key stone, every column, every banista," she's got onyx coming out of her ass.
After doing the full tour of The Brownstones new competition, Teresa gets a carafe of wine from her home made wine cellar and takes Dina out to the quad to discuss a dinner party she wants to throw. She's going to invite Danielle (which we've known from the weeks of spoiler clips) and Dina is not pleased, but the producers asked them to have this party and invite Danielle so we can see a fight about "the book" so it's going to happen whether Dina wants it to or not.
At Danielle's house, she's showing her daughters her old "modeling" photos--some nudes we presume since her daughters look mortified and disgusted--in order to break the news about the book and how everyone in town thinks their mother is literally a whore. She asks them to believe what she tells them and not listen to rumors. Her daughters, hoping to believe what their mother says to them (as children should want to do), tell her that they love her and will believe whatever she says. Awww poor things, they'll learn one day. Those pictures and Steve should have been a hint though.
Jacqueline's parents have come to visit and she tells them about Ashley's attitude problem and how they have a car for her that she doesn't deserve. Her dad was a military man and he seems to want to give her the car but with restrictions. Jacqueline and Chris finally cave and give Ashley the car as an incentive to keep doing well, to which her face goes blank and all you can see are images of a white range rover speeding out of the driveway in her eyes.
Dina is still upset that her daughter is growing up. She said she's gone from sleeping with her stuffed animals to sleeping with her phone. And after the phone, you know what dorky young girls want to sleep with next... Better watch out Dina! OMG Lexi is also getting bubbies, and they're real, and Dina can't stop her. GOD Dina stay home and stop the bubbies! The bubbies made her decision; she is now officially retired and just a housewife. A tough choice to make when you're faced with comfort and stability either way but when it comes down to it she really loves just hanging out with her daughter and cooking spaghetti and meatballs.
Caroline and her husband are training a murder dog (German Shepherd) because they need so much protection living in Franklin Lakes. Caroline is just DYING to set that bitch loose on someone and you know who that someone is... Danielle.
AND here we go, "The Dinna Pahrtay." Everyone shows up to the restaurant, Lu Nella, and has fun chit-chatting about new bubbies and old bubbies, until Danielle walks in. Even though they all know she's coming they act completely shocked and surprised by her presence when she arrives about an hour later than everyone else. Danielle kisses everyone, takes her place right next to Joe (her favorite gay basher), and the oysters arrive. Joe and Teresa, classy as they are, pick and prod at the oysters, discussing Teresa's hatred of swallowing and aphrodisiacs, which then leads into how Joe can't keep his hands off of Teresa since getting her new bubbies. He took her home from the hospital, perked her up, fed her "a nice prosciutto sandGwich" and then got to humping. Everyone cracks up at Teresa's crass comedy routine until, dun dun dunnnnnn!! THE BOOK.
Danielle whips out the book and places it on the table, looking for drama. The laughing stops, Teresa rolls her eyes and the men are completely confused. Why everyone can't just ignore this lunatic is beyond me but I guess this wouldn't be an interesting finale if they did that so BRING on the killings. Oh man, in order to not give attention to Danielle, Teresa points out the book to her husband by saying it in Italian "il libro" she says to Joe, her mafia beefcake. Danielle says she wants to clear some things up about the book. Number one, she's not a prostitute but that is her picture in the book and she did change her name and she was arrested.
Teresa asks if the children can get out of the room because she doesn't want her precious babies to hear this. Danielle, Jacqueline and Caroline's kids all stay in the room. They don't want to miss the gossip. Danielle's poor kids already look scared and ashamed but they're afraid to leave their mother's side so they play along with the others. Mother Caroline runs the conversation and allows Danielle to say her piece uninterrupted by Dina and Teresa. "LET HER SPEAK" Caroline commands knowing all along that she and Dina are gonna rip her apart in a few seconds, just like that German Shepherd she taught to kill on command.
Danielle accuses Dina of telling the town about the book and Caroline allows this to go on until she is done. When Danielle finishes Caroline tells her that she, in fact, is the one who exposed the book to the town and not Dina. Danielle is shocked by this statement but believes that Caroline is lying to protect Dina and then here comes the line, "Let me tell you something about my family, we are as THICK as THIEVES." Caroline is truly the leader of this family and she is ready to shove Danielle into the back of a Lincoln.
Jacqueline is feeling torn between her friend and her family until Dina asks Jacqueline to tell Danielle the truth about who was showing everyone the book. Jacqueline comes to Danielle's defense by saying that it was both Dina and Caroline who showed off the book. Dina and Caroline look like they are going to slice Jacqueline and quickly try to shut her up. Dina says that Jacqueline was with Dina and Caroline when they found the book and Jacqueline goes ballistic. She says Dina is the one who found the book, she went looking for it and Jacqueline had nothing to do with it. Jacqueline screams and yells at Dina and calls her a liar, saying she won't cover for her any more. Dina calls Jacqueline two-faced and basically threatens her life.
Now Teresa wants to play. She wants to reiterate what was true in the book and why Danielle's husband wrote it if it wasn't true. Danielle, frustrated, tells Teresa again what two things are true in the book, that she got arrested and she changed her name. Then she berates Teresa for not paying attention. To this Teresa does not take nicely. She has been disrespected and you know you do not disrespect Teresa in front of her husband and family. So what does she do? She flips the table and calls Danielle a prostitution whore. Beefcake Joe takes her aside, asks her wtf she's doing and then kisses her pain away. Teresa doesn't like to be treated like an air head, we know now to never to treat Teresa like a dummy (to her face at least).
After Teresa flips the table Dina admits that she wasn't completely innocent in this situation either and that she can't stomach Danielle. Danielle comes back at her with a bunch of "sweet hearts" and tries to play cool. Then Dina goes back at Jacqueline again for not siding with Caroline's story. Jacqueline says that she knows they begged her not to tell but she doesn't believe what they're doing to Danielle is fair. Caroline and Dina threaten her life until Chris, Jacqueline's husband and Caroline and Dina's brother, steps in.
He tells them that they're all acting like a bunch of fools, that it's all BS, and that they should all be happy that they're healthy and together. He welcomes Danielle into his home and tells his sisters to lay off. I have to say, I was on team Dina the whole time but after seeing how horribly they treat poor innocent Jacqueline I'm changing my tune. Bullying someone into helping you belittle others is not cool ladies. Also the guilt that Caroline lays on Jacqueline at the end "You're hurting my MOTHER Jacqueline, MY PARENTS" is ridiculous. Caroline, you are not Tony Soprano. Let the girl have an opinion. Chris tells her to eff off so she and her gigantic, real bubbies leave, hovering over her golden boys.
In the end every one's lives stay pretty much the same, boring and Italian, except next season we'll have two new additions to the families. Teresa and Jacqueline are knocked up. Actually it appears that Jacqueline gave birth to her new son, Nicholas Francis, yesterday afternoon. I wouldn't be surprised if both babies were conceived during the aftermath of this drama. Teresa was all fired up from the disrespect and Joe loves seeing her new bubbies any chance he gets, while Jacqueline has a new found love for her even tempered, logical and manly husband. I think I may be in love with Chris as well. I can't wait to see what these fools bring to the reunion! Babies and bubbies perhaps? As long as the book is there, I'm in.
