This week on RHNY the women are all about their "careers." The episode opens with Jill throwing a party at Zarin Fabrics and to show hard she really works. It must have really hit a chord when Mario called her out on not having a job a few weeks back. Mario and Ramona are at the part and again, Mario will not let the tennis match die. He's upset that Jill wouldn't let him pick her partner and therefore the game stunk. Mario was also unhappy with Simon's tennis ensemble. The white t-shirt and shorts was too 7th grade gym for him. But isn't it ironic Mario how Simon's outfit was very middle school but you're the one acting like a child? Perhaps we need to do a little switcherooing.
Suddenly Bethenny has an epiphany regarding her dating life, "Think of my vagina as a vase, if you've had sex with me it's time to send flowers," she tells Bobby, who immediately gets incredibly uncomfortable. Ahh Bethenny, you've done it again. She decides that she's going to come up with her own rules and forget about Ramona's Kevin Costner obsessing, greased up, bay watch loving tips and play by her own rules. Wise decision Bethenny. You may be single but at least your eyeballs are inside your head.
Kelly waltz's into the party with her babe of the month. You begin to hear a piercing sound, "Hiiieeeeeee" galore, no not a hyena, a creature far worse. A retired model who thinks she's still relevant. AHHHH! Brad the gay husband is OBSESSED with Kelly's BF. Max better watch himself! But if he's with Kelly he must be gay so Brad I think you MAY have a chance. Oh it turns out though that Kelly and Max are PERFECT for each other because they are both so SPONTANEOUS! And TOGETHER they're like FIRECRACKERS! The way they pull the pillows off the shelves, messing up Jill's store to hit each other, possibly busting open thousands of dollars worth of products, that is SO zany and whimsical of them! WHO knows what these two crazy kids are capable of! All I'm saying is it's a good thing Jill doesn't own a knife store.
Ramona is developing her skin care line because her ruddy rough skin looks so great for her age, according to her. She's become quite knowledgeable in skin care because she's wasted thousands of dollars on buckets of Vaseline with french labels slapped on them over the years. She found a chemist (homeless man) and together they developed a formula for the fountain of youth (booze). Ramona decided to stimulate her senses (bulging eyeballs) by investing her genius (money) into her two passions, skin and jewelry (shallow, and shallow). Ramona believes that she works SO hard she might give herself a breakdown. I could very easily picture Ramona having a breakdown based around this skincare line. With all of the pointless decisions she has to make and tasks she forces upon her minions who knows how this poor woman is even STANDING any more? "It puts the lotion on it's skin or it gets the hose again..."
Ramona throws a party to support her brands, True Faith Jewelry and TRU Skincare, to which Bethenny calls out that she has no idea what she's doing. Anywayyyyy... Ramona's friends are there and shockingly they all seem relatively normal and nice. They are all want to set Bethenny up with somebody because they LOVE HER. Bethenny laughs off the compliments as she always does and tries to turn the attention towards Ramona since she can sense she's getting jealous. Jealous? Ramona? OHHH is she ever. To make herself feel better Ramona makes a jab at Jill because she's not there to defend herself and Bethenny jumps in saying that Jill's a great friend to her and has helped her in a lot of ways. Ramona tells Bethenny the reason Jill is friends with her is because she's "the under dog" and that makes Jill feel better about herself if she sucks. Jaws drop, heads hang in shame and embarrassment. The friends try to save Ramona from herself but it's too late. The deed is done and the conversation is quickly turned back towards Ramona's lotion and her "perfect skin." Oh and Ramona quotes Donald Trump. Yes, she's stable.
The Countess meets with the writer of her book on manners, because obviously she can't write her own book. A Countess can't be bothered with such details when there are poor people in the world who need to be made to feel even less than they already do! One topic The Countess apparently feels passionate about is how women should never have to pay for a date. Once she was asked to pay and she was APPALLED! It was HUMILIATING! She knew her ghost writer would completely understand her feelings on this important issue--forced smile plastered to her face, clenching her pen trying to keep it on the paper and not throw it into LuAnn's heart. This season the Countess has really rubbed people the wrong way but now that we know about her upcoming divorce it's almost too sad to even hate her. She loved her fake title a little too much and now that she'll be stripped of it what else does she have to live for? Her children? Not if they can't be baby Counts and Countesses! Now they're just everyday commoners like her old family, before she got married to the old guy. How appalling! The Countess needs to find herself a new Count. Maybe Count Chocula is single. Then she can have all the free cereal she wants and never have to worry about paying for it.
Back to Kelly and her shameless self-promotion of non-talents. She is putting together a JEWREY line (She can not pronounce the word jewelry correctly for some reason. It comes out of her mouth with the L missing making it too hard syllables, the way a 5 year old would pronounce it. Must be the product of her high-class upbringing) and for her JEWREY line she decided to get together with a JEWREY maverick to design it for her. She tells this maverick what kind of JEWREY she wants to make. You know stuff that people like Amanda Bynes would want to wear, like giant silver owl necklaces. After she finishes designing JEWREY for an hour, Jill and Kelly get together to design a custom $16,000 Birkin bag for Jill from Bobby for her birthday. Since the economy is so crappy these days Jill thought it was better to go small for her birthday this year. Yes, small Jill. Apparently Kelly also started a magazine, one of her many pre-paid accomplishments, called "Elle assssesssssories." Because when you're rich and dumb you can do ANYTHING! I wonder if that was the tag line for the magazine? In addition to this Birkin bag, Jill receives a brand new Mercedes SUV. She loves it EXCEPT the iPod doesn't hook up in it. SO annoying! Bobby says he'll use it and get her another one. Can you IMAGINE? No iPOD hook up! How could he do such a thing? AND on her BIRTHDAY of ALL days!
Traditional Home magazine comes to Jill's house to shoot her newly decorated pad as well. Before she used to be a traditional Park Avenue kind of girl but now she's traditional with a little ugly in her. How much you wanna bet Jill pitched this story to Traditional Home prior to going through with this redo? I think she at least got rid of the POP coffee tables. Saved herself a WORLD of hurtin' there.
Alex and Simon are celebrating a birthday too and they are celebrating with jewelry. Not Kelly's JEWREY but some other "one-of-a-kind" jewelry. Alex is looking at some earrings to which Simon points out that she has "quite a long, thin face." Thin or melting Simon? After picking out earrings to complement her paper thin mug they head out for another surprise. BUT there's another surprise in store! There is traffic and bad weather so Alex's only surprise is a hissy fit from Simon. What a lucky gal! The original surprise was to go home and celebrate with the boys, which, is not a surprise Simon. So basically nothing blew the surprise but you. And how that surprise was ruined? I am still unclear. And how ANY of that was a surprise in the first place, I haven't the slightest. I think he basically realized his "surprise" was crappy as they were driving there and got upset about it. Paper face seems to never get upset about anything though so all is well in in Brooklyn's Grey Gardens once again. I hope they at least cleared out the raccoons and cat feces for her birthday. Francois probably swept everything under his bed, that little minx.
Next week: Kelly takes slutty pictures of herself for a Halloween party invitation but later decides to bail on her own party, leaving the housewives high and dry, but probably not too dry since they were at a party after all.
