The moment we've all been waiting for is finally here. Ahhh yes, the reunion. The culmination of reality television that we wait all season long for. The show itself is just meant to waste time between reunions, where the real action happens. This is where we get to see these vapid creatures in action! Clawing at each other till each goes home and dies just a little bit more after piling on scoops of self-pity into the bowl of delusion they already live in. This... Is... SPARTA!
So here's the run down in the beginning: Jill got a Boob job to make them smaller--GOOD for Her! Bethenny's book is selling like hot cakes and she's dating lots of people, not A-Rod but someone special. The Countess was dumped via email but she gets to keep her title. And Alex was fired but rehired by some other boring company. Now for Kelly. Oh Kelly, Kelly, Kelly (I wish I had Woody Harrelson on hand to sing that whenever something stupid comes out of her mouth). Kelly has become even crazier since we last left her and the rest of the cast seems to finally realize it too. She "beat up" her ex-boyfriend (not the hot Spanish lover we got to know and fear for) because he kept deleting her Facebook page. She's upset that her wussy boyfriend tarnished the name she's been making for herself since she was a kid, which is funny because I'm PRETTY sure this name she speaks of is her married name. But I guess she was technically a kid when she married Giles Bensimon. You know those FRENCH, they like 'em young.
We also learn that Kelly hates tissues. It might have to do with the fact that when she cries sand comes out of her eyes rather than tears. There's one thing that the Countess knows for sure about Kelly's boyfriend, "he's certainly not a gentleman." Yes Countess, you ARE correct. A gentleman he is not. You are so good at manners. And life. And being the second or third worst human being on the planet. On top of beating up her boyfriend, Kelly has been accused of stealing some one's Jewelry designs. Specifically the blinged out owl that she's shelling out to suckers with no taste. Kelly thinks this is a cause of the recession. Everyone has one of those assistants who does all of the actual work and then expects to get paid for it. The nerve, right? OWL THIEF!
Ramona is special though. She gets an entire montage of jerkdom and horrid dance moves. A question from the fans is asked, "Ramona how come you didn't call Kelly out for saying she could never be jealous of you." Ramona responds by saying she lets things "slide over her head" and goes into a rant about how her father beat her mother so therefore she lets things go a lot of times. I'm PRETTY sure she just didn't get it at the time. It really did slide over her head. Kudooooz to you Ramona, Kudoooz. Then they launch into Ramona calling the Count old, yap, ya yap, zing, zing, zing, wack, wack, wack. There's just a whole bunch of yelling and rehashing. How about this, you're both rude. Settled. MOVING on...
The Countess tries to defend the over use of her title by saying that she uses it to her advantage with Charities that want to be associated with her because of the title, that's all. She doesn't take herself THAT seriously. Ramona and Jill lock eyes and start rolling them at the same time. And, Countess, just give the charities your money. they don't care about your title and neither do we.
Alex and Simon are writing a book on the experience of parenting, not a how-to parenting book but a story on the experience. Ramona asks Alex if she's ever disciplined her kids because they've all seen how crazy they can be, all of two times they've seen them. Alex holds it together and answers the question calmly. There is one thing they (her boys) have mastered she says, "they know not to say nasty things about other people"--hint hint. Ramona also didn't go to Alex's dinner party because she didn't want to go to Brooklyn. She doesn't eat in Brooklyn. Well Ramona I have news for you, Brooklyn doesn't want you to eat here either. Your eyes would freak out the hipsters.
Ramona also fears that Simon beats Alex after seeing his freak out in the car about ruining the non-surprise birthday surprise. Yes Ramona, the man in the ruby red, lace up, plastic pants beats up his wife.
Then we get to Kelly and her quote to Vanity Fair. She said that Bethenny cries over men all the time and that makes her dumb. The group looks around and gets their defenses up, you can tell some stuff must have went down behind the scenes because everyone is ready to pounce on Kelly when this comes up. Kelly starts her round about arguments again, "You need to come to me," "you called me Madonna," "you are beautiful so what the hell is wrong with you?" I'm just glad the other women were there to hear this bag o crazy this time around because I could not handle another round of Kelly dominating an argument that she clearly loses every time. It's like arguing with a person with Alzheimer's. I hope she sees these episodes and decides to go get help. Someone needs to send her some Ginkgo Biloba.
And come on BIG finish, Ramona spins completely out of control right before our very eyes. That's what we've been waiting for! She apparently said something on her blog about Bethenny not taking her dating advice and the way she said it hurt Bethenny's feelings. So to defend herself she rambles in circles, grabs Andy's cards out of his hands, and spits fire.
THE END.
Next Week, part two. The Countess get ghetto and Kelly suggests the Countess read her own book (meaning, learn some manners biatch!). But Kelly doesn't even know how to read so I don't know where she gets off either.
