Okay. To some, dueling scissors and combs aren’t quite as exciting as Survivor: Micronesia. But reality competition’s come a long way, baby. I, for one, much prefer a more refined, creative contest. But with a bit of backstabbing malice to go along with it – too much to ask? Shear Genius has its moments, but it’s pretty subdued for the most part.
So far, we’ve lost two would-be style mavens: cocky-for-no-reason Oshun and rather forgettable Parker. Last week’s Housewives of Orange County challenge winner, Charlie, is asked by host Jaclyn Smith who he thinks is the weakest link. Without hesitation, he points out Gail: “She’s been struggling a bit.” But then, behind closed doors: “So far, her work’s been really bad. I think she’s just out of her element.” Ouch. I guess this is the bit of fire we’ve been missing. Not bad, but could be hotter. Then, for no reason at all, Matt decides to confront Jaclyn about asking him the same question. Why? He didn’t win a damn thing. At least, not yet.
This week, the 10 remaining contestants are presented with a long-(no)cut challenge to terrify even the most seasoned hairdressers… Long-(no)cut. Get it? Don’t worry, you will… A parade of buns and chignons walks before the contestants. But when the clients release their carefully coiffed hair, it just keeps going and going and going… They all have ridiculously long hair. Down to their waists, past their butts. One even has hair that brushes the floor. Ugh. So, what’s the challenge? Create styles that are interesting, structurally complicated, and that utilize at least one hair accessory. Oh, wait. Without cutting a single strand off the heads of these modern-day Rapunzels. Sure, no problem. Our stylists look thrilled.
Each contestant holds a scissor box that contains a number inside. The number corresponds to the length in inches of hair for each of the clients. Meredith is the lucky recipient of the woman with 68 inches of hair that she’s been growing since the first grade. I repeat, 68 inches of hair. Sixty. Eight. Inches. Of. Hair. I don’t know which is worse: Meredith separating her client’s hair with her feet or the fact that her client let her hair grow that long in the first place. She can’t possibly get to wash it properly, right? (No, this isn’t tress envy. Not at all. No, really.)
Guest judge Campbell McAuley guides the stylists through their challenge. It’s priceless when he calls Charlie’s ‘do “bridal hair” and Charlie almost heaves. Nekisa freaks out when she overhears Campbell’s comments and tousles… no, f@&!s up her client’s hair. Nekisa, why are you here? Daniel decides upon a bouffant with pearl accents, but meets with some irritation from Matt who claims he had first dibs on the pearl idea.
Bottom two contestants: Nekisa and Nicole. Nekisa’s client ends up looking like she’s been hitting the pipe behind the gym after prom. Just nasty. Speaking of nasty, Nicole catches mad attitude when Campbell criticizes her for not being efficient or creative enough with her client’s hair. Nice, Nicole. Blame your client’s thin hair for that messy cherry vine idea. And speaking of prom (yes, I realize it was a couple of sentences ago), how did Charlie’s “drunken prom queen” upsweep make it to the top two? The other top spot? Matt’s curly-pearly creation. It actually ends up being quite pretty. And the short-cut challenge winner is… Matt! He’s awarded first choice of models in the elimination challenge and gets to designate the order of model choices for the remaining contestants.
Bring on the suck-up session! Meredith makes a strategic effort that night to lead the others in a toast to Matt, practically dragging the miserable hermit out of his room to enjoy a drink. One-by-one, the stylists make a beeline for him and start manufacturing relationships. Nicole rebels and refuses to kiss up to Matt, but she does pity the others profusely for their desperate attempts at brown nosing. But it’s a game! I know you’ve got pride and all, but play the game well. At least smile in his direction.
The next day, mentor Rene Fris introduces the elimination challenge: Red Carpet Hair. Matt readies himself to select a model, but is instead provided with a rack of red carpet gowns. Select a gown and then you’ll get the model who fits the dress. Here’s the order Matt decides for model/gown choice:
- Paulo
- Gail
- Meredith
- Dee
- Daniel
- Charlie
- Nekisa
- Nicole
- Glenn
Matt claims his choices are random, but then admits he’s not a fan of Glenn. To be honest, his behavior in general is pretty random this episode. Angry outbursts, lusty odes to his “perfect 10” wife. I’m not a total hater when it comes to a man expressing passion for his partner, but turn it down just a notch. And who wouldn’t be a bit creeped out by his attempt to psych out Charlie by calling him “bitch” out of the blue in front of his client? Twice. What’s with this guy? He may have been joking, but he still sounded weird.
The contestants have two hours to work magic, and Charlie is way more daring and talented when it counts. He pumps up his client’s color and creates an amazing ‘40s throwback style. Matt, on the other hand, makes a cascade of flaccid curls thrown heavily over the shoulder of his client. Why does he even bother to ask her if her hair holds curls if he’s just going to do his own thing anyway? It doesn’t hold curls, by the way.
After hair is complete, the clients get dressed and walk the red carpet for the judges: Jaclyn, colorist Kim Vo, stylist Mark Townsend, and soap star/TV host Allison Sweeney. I know I’m supposed to be talking hair right now, but I can’t help being really disturbed by Nekisa’s client in her gown – why are her boobs so horribly smooshed? Sorry, I’m really sensitive when it comes to breast breathing space. The twins need air. Free the C’s! Okay, it’s out of my system. Back to the hair…
Meredith, Dee, Nekisa, and Daniel are safe. The judges are most impressed with Charlie, Gail, and Glenn. And the winner is… Charlie, for the second week in a row! He definitely deserved it. And guess who the loser is? How the heck does the winner of the short-cut challenge, the one who proves himself at the top of the show and gains all of the advantages from that win, manage to stab himself in the foot with his own scissors? When he won the short-cut, Matt compared it to the first time his wife told him that she loved him. So, what’s getting kicked off the show? Matt, I know the name of a really great lawyer…
Next week: Contestants will be working on their own clients as well as those of their competitors.
