Just in case it wasn’t enough that Lauren had what was probably the worst summer of her life, Whitney, who is already set to return to Paris next summer, and Lisa Love gave her some unsubtle verbal stabs on her first day of work at the world’s longest-running internship. Lauren, forever to be billed as “The Girl Who Didn’t Go To Paris” (Lisa Love’s words, not mine), shed some exquisitely genuine tears as she dropped by Jason’s to give him his stuff back and later when she had some girl talk with Heidi, putting some serious doubts into the whole Script Theory. Still, the theory has not been debunked.
Either the masterful storyline consultants got that much more brilliant, or new ones came along (the premiere was, after all, called, “Out With The Old…”). Heidi’s newest boyfriend Spencer (a few steps down from lamebrained Jordan) sketchily hung out with Audrina, conjuring up some pretty standard triangular drama. Audrina pretended to want to be friends with Spencer and make up with Heidi, but Heidi wouldn’t even pick up her phone to hear it. Shortly after the increasingly affectionate pair (Heidi and Spencer, that is) enjoyed dinner at Spencer’s favorite restaurant, Spencer invited alleged friend Audrina for a meal at the same place. Audrina seemed totally aloof about the whole thing when she discussed it with her co-worker at her new job as a receptionist for Epic Records. Epic Records must’ve pulled some strings to get Audrina working for them, though probably not too many, considering the fact that they were negotiating with, well, MTV.
Heidi, moving up in the cutthroat world of Bolthouse Productions, now works the doors at all the major club events in LA. The promotion also seems to mean that she can now work club jobs and effectively juggle her outside-of-work drama without having a superior yell at her (phew). Making good use of her newly acquired earpiece (evidently the ultimate symbol of power in Bolthouse Productions), Heidi watched Spencer arrive at some posh club opening with Audrina. Through some icy stares, Heidi managed to wordlessly convey her hatred for Audrina, who seemed thrilled as she followed Spencer to the dance floor.
Grappling with what seemed like physical side effects of her rocky (wow, no pun intended for all the ‘Laguna’ watchers reading this) relationship with Spencer, Heidi announced that she’d leave work early. (Apparently her promotion lets her leave her job at anytime without telling Bolthouse himself.) True ‘Hills’ fans shouldn’t have been surprised when Heidi walked out of the drugstore and later into the bathroom of her apartment with a home pregnancy test, because, well, it was in the extended trailer. The producers must be going for ridiculously fast-paced drama this season, because I can’t even remember when or how this whole Audrina-Heidi-Spencer triangle started (oh, wait, that was never made clear). I loved the melodramatic (but poignant nonetheless) “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” cover that played at the premiere’s end, as Heidi closed the bathroom door (which, by the way, was totally a symbol for her closing the door on her relationship with Spencer, because, doors can be reopened at anytime, duh). It reminded me of the Imogen Heap ‘Hallelujah’ cover that fearlessly played as Ryan carried Marissa in his arms on the third season finale of ‘The O.C.’ We all know how that ended. Let’s just hope the same won’t be true for Heidi (or what could be her unborn child).
