A little over a week ago, the wrestling world was shocked and saddened by the unraveling of Chris Benoit. As a hardcore fan for about ten years and a casual observer since, I shared this outrage and confusion. It was certainly not the same superficial Canadian Crippler that I had grown to admire on television. Eventually, my indignation slowly oozed into a nostalgia period, and I began watching YouTube clips of old wrestling matches. This really got me thinking.
What happened to the over-the-top gimmicks of yesteryear? Wrestling used to be full of cartoonish caricatures with names like ‘The British Bulldog’, ‘The Hot Rod Rowdy Roddy Pipper’, and of course, ‘The Hulkster.’ Sadly, most wrestlers now compete with relatively average names like ‘John Cena’, ‘Kurt Angle’, and ‘Bobby Lashley’ or streamlined nicknames like ‘CM Punk’ and ‘Edge.’ It’s a disgrace. OK, maybe the term ‘disgrace’ is a little too harsh, but I certainly would call it disappointing. I blame Razor Ramon.
Let me explain. In the mid 1990s, perennial intercontinental champion, Razor Ramon, toothpicked his way out of the WWF, landing in Ted Turner’s WCW. Rather than keeping his old persona or adopting a new gimmick, he simply began wrestling under his given name Scott Hall. A few weeks later, he was joined by Grandma’s Boy actor and all-around badass Diesel. The seven foot beast soon began fighting under his moniker Kevin Nash. Soon Cactus Jack was Mick Foley, and the wrestling world was dominated by real people, rather than uproariously fictional characters.
So, in a desperate attempt to hold on to my past, I’m going to bring to you the ten most outrageous wrestling personalities of all time. I do, however, fell the need to point out that this definitely does not represent a list of the greatest sports entertainment superstars. You will not see the likes of Bret ‘Hitman’ Hart, ‘Shawn Michaels’, or even ‘Andre The Giant’ because, well, they’re just not unbelievable enough.
10)Bam Bam Bigelow It’s never a good sign when your most recognizable feature is a flaming tattoo on your head. He also had the trashiest female escort of all time in Luna Vachon. She scared the shit out of me as a child. Bigelow made it big with a small role in Major Payne, but he eventually left wrestling and turned to not paying child support. He passed away earlier this year.
9)The Bushwhackers I’m not sure if you remember these two idiots, but they waddled down to ringside, licking each others’ heads and moving their arms up and down in an autistic fashion. Luke and Butch were from New Zealand and reveled in exploiting ‘Mean Gene’ to their absurd antics. Luke also holds the dubious accomplishment of only lasting four seconds in the 1991 Royal Rumble.
8) Irwin R. Schyster Dubbed I.R.S., this clown would make his way to ringside with a nice white shirt and a briefcase, shouting things like, “It’s nice to know all the tax cheats showed up tonight.” He found some success with the ‘Million Dollar Man’ and even grabbed the tag-team championship belts a few times. Eventually, the Syracuse graduate moved behind the scenes and currently works as a promoter.
7) The Red Rooster Possibly the only WWF superstar to ever work the gimmick of being terrible at his job (except maybe 1-2-3 Kid). He dressed in red tights, wore a red coat, and combed his hair up in a ridiculous manner. This ass even called his fans “Rooster Boosters.” Thankfully, his gimmick never caught on, and he moved behind the scenes, working for all the major companies.
6) King Kong Bundy Bundy may have left his most indelible mark on the cultural landscape by inspiring ‘Married With Children’ creators to use his last name; however, his place in wrestling lore should not be underestimated. His menacing stare and obese body was extremely intimidating for potential opponents. He also would instruct referees to give him a 5 count after beating on lesser men. He also inspired Gorilla Monsoon to once quip that he looked like a “condominium with legs.” Hysterical.
5) Hacksaw Jim Duggan Upon Hacksaw’s debut in the WWF, he used a both patriotic and borderline psycho gimmick. He would carry an American flag to the ring along with a large piece of wood, harkening back to our country’s early roots of unarmed vigilantes who wanted to help in anyway they could. Duggan also took up a gimmick as a janitor, briefly. He’ll forever be remembered by loving fans as a backwoodsman type who appealed to beer-guzzling Southerners.
4) The Big Boss Man Former prison guard, Ray Traylor left the correctional system behind and began wrestling in the late 1980s. His nightstick wielding antics soon caught on with fans, and he enjoyed a long period of success throughout the 1990s. Sadly, Traylor suffered a heart attack in 2004, forever retiring his badass gimmick. Big Boss Man will always hold a special place in my heart as the first wrestling action figure I ever bought, at a garage sale for a quarter when I was five.
3)The Birdman Koko B Ware Koko gained minor fame in the WWF by carrying a large bird, Frankie, with him to ringside. He was also the victim of a heinous racial slur by future Governor Jesse Ventura, when ‘The Body’ asked him if the B in his name stood for Buckwheat? Keep in mind though, that back in the day that sort of overt racism was smiled on. Sadly, Frankie died in a house fire a few years ago. I have no idea what the hell ever happened to his owner.
2) One Man Gang OK...so One Man Gang wasn’t really that outrageous; however, I felt I needed to include him because his name is just so devastatingly awesome. Gang was actually a pretty poor wrestler, mostly using his size to intimidate people, but he briefly teamed with The Big Boss Man as ‘The Twin Towers’, one of the more ill-fated tag-team names of all time. Sadly, like the New York monuments he eventually crumbled into oblivion and began working as a prison guard.
1) Jake ‘The Snake’ Roberts ‘The Snake’ is arguably one of the best and most famous wrestlers of all time. Along with his prized reptile, Damien, he ejoyed monumental success in the WWF, until booze and mental problems bit him (pun intended). Over the years, Jake has made many comebacks, but most have resulted in premature firings for drunkenness and crack smoking. Still, he’ll always be fondly remembered as that crazy bastard who encouraged a Python to bite his opponents.
Honorable Mentions Issac Yankem D.D.S., Doink The Clown, The Undertaker, The Headshrinkers, The Nasty Boys, The Godfather
That’s all folks. Leave a comment if you wish to ridicule my list or add other favorite wrestlers of your own.
