Moving sucks. It’s probably the most annoying, unnecessarily complicated, and downright irritating thing that normal people have to occasionally go through. Every couch ever made is four millimeters to large to fit through doors, and every wireless internet set-up is at least a two day ordeal that involves tech support and lots of swearing under your breath. It gets me all worked up just thinking about it. Unfortunately, not everyone can sympathize with this inconvenience. The Simpsons have always lived in the same house. The Brady Bunch never moved. Peter Griffin has always resided on Spoon Street.
I know what you’re thinking: these families had to move to their current residences at some point. That’s true, but I didn’t see it. I need to witness Jerry Seinfeld lugging a foosball table up three flights of stairs. My eyes need to soak in House writing “Bathroom” on five separate boxes that the moving company will invariably throw in the bedroom. The whole process is so annoying that it seems ripe for comic hilarity, but sadly, most executives are just unwilling to build completely new sets in order to make it happen.
There have been several families that did make the on screen journey to a new abode, but for some reason, the new residence always seemed to be right across the street. Fonzie moved atop the Cunningham’s garage. Mike and Gloria sauntered out of the Bunker residence and into the old Jefferson house. That never happens in real life. Actually, I shouldn’t say never. My uncle rented an entire moving truck and workers to lug his shit directly next door, but he’s at least 80% lavish caricature of a human being.
I think this lack of main character displacement boils down to familiarity. Viewers grow to love houses and apartments to the point where they take on a life of their own. Where would Grandpa Munster be without his trademark basement/laboratory/potion mixing hut? Can you even picture Al Bundy without his trademark floral couch nestled in front of the red brick background? I know I can’t.
Friends is one of the few shows that has actually incorporated moving as the characters progress into better and worse jobs, but the main focus of those apartment swaps was always about roommates. Monica and Chandler moved in together. Joey and Chandler cohabitated. Phoebe and Rachel tried to make it work. How I Met Your Mother has also given the new homestead premise a try, but both of those programs are based in New York City so I can hardly sympathize.
I guess I just want my favorite TV characters to know my pain. I’ve laughed with them. I’ve cried with them. I’ve done just about everything but move with them. I yearn for Ralph Kramden to rearrange his furniture. I ache to behold the Muppet Babies crawl to a new room. I don’t think I’m asking for too much. Just give me one half hour of Samantha Stephens complaining about how many rolls of duct tape it takes to change addresses. Then I promise I will shut up.
