Anyone with any sort of common sense would agree that Spring is far and away the best season. In fact, many leading scientists (including Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, Bill Nye, and Dr. No) have devoted hours of research to the subject, and they’ve found that embryos mix together with some cells and chloroform to create a pleasant change in the serotonin. You just can’t argue with that kind of intellectual science. It could be due to the NHL playoffs. It may result from women ditching oversized sweatshirts for more enticing halter tops. However, the most likely answer is May sweeps.
For years, people have planted themselves atop their couches in late April and early May to watch their favorite shows conclude the season long character arcs. While other nations unite for the World Cup or unorganized canal building, Americans come together by sitting alone and pining over McDreamy. We truly are the greatest nation. But something went wrong last week.
According to The Hollywood Reporter, viewer favorites ‘Grey’s Anatomy’, ‘CSI’, and ’30 Rock’ all hit season lows for the 18-49 demographic. That’s not supposed to happen. People normally ingest network sweep episodes faster than knockoff Mexican Viagra. I blame Tivo. Television is no longer an event. Americans just tape whatever they want and use it later at their convenience (Kind of like Jeffrey Dahmer victims….or women).
While this is a strange turn of events, FOX and friends shouldn’t loose to much sleep. Our nation will never stop watching television. What else would we have to talk about?
