32 Brilliant, Insightful, And Hilarious Quotes From The Late, Great Bill Hicks

Comedian Bill Hicks was only 32 years old when he died of pancreatic cancer in 1994. It's hard to believe he's been gone for almost as long as he was here on Earth. What isn't hard to believe is just how relevant his insightful humor still is today.

Hicks wasn't your standard stand up comedian. He was a philosopher as much as he was a comic. He was nihilistic, angry, depressing, and often, totally correct with his dark view of the world. His comedy isn't for everyone because often, it doesn't even seem like comedy. Here are some of his funniest and darkest quotes from his act over the few short years he was a star.

“It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.”

This quote pretty much sums up his philosophy on life. Everything is pain; let's find the humor in the pain. Even our own pain, indeed especially our own pain, is hilarious, so let's laugh at the darkest edges of life.

“I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.”

Hicks saw nothing as off limits. Everyone among us is terrible, including ourselves. So deal with it.

“We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.”

Hicks' politics were broadly populist, and this socialist-adjacent thought shows that. We have enough in life to deal with; why does money have to be one of them?

“I was in Nashville, Tennessee, last year. After the show, I went to a Waffle House. I'm not proud of it, I was hungry. And I'm alone, I'm eating, and I'm reading a book, right? Waitress walks over to me: 'Hey, whatcha readin' for?' Isn't that the weirdest question you've ever heard? Not what am I reading, but what am I reading FOR?

Hicks was a snob about intelligence. His humor was smart, and he was very smart, as the best comedians are. He wasn't afraid to tell other people that they should strive to be smarter. That's why he was reading.

“Go back to bed, America. Your government has figured out how it all transpired. Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control again. Here. Here's American Gladiators. Watch this, shut up."

Bill Hicks had a pretty strong libertarian or even anarchist streak running through him, as is plainly obvious in his critique of the American government. It also showed how he thought too many people were sleeping through life.

“I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out.”

To be sure, he knew that he was bitter, cold, and cruel, and he made no apologies for it. It's like he never smiled, and his comedy was deadly serious. Funny, but serious.

“Folks, it's time to evolve. That's why we're troubled. You know why our institutions are failing us, the church, the state, everything's failing? It's because, um – they're no longer relevant. We're supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right?”

Hicks also felt strongly about religion and science and was firmly against the former and steadfastly for the latter. It was a stark separation in his mind, and he wasn't afraid to make that clear.

“I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, "My dad can beat up your dad." I'd say Yeah? When?”

It's easy to see where Hicks' cynicism came from when you hear him tell "jokes" like this.

“When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.”

One way to describe his politics and his view of the world was that he was a pure contrarian. He didn't agree with people and he didn't seem to care if people agreed with him, as long as they were in on the joke.

“I'm tired of this back-slappin' "isn't humanity neat" BS. We're a virus with shoes.”

He really didn't think highly of humanity. He saw it as honesty, but some just found it depressing. Maybe it was to him, and he dealt with it through humor.

“It's great to be here. I thank you. Ah, I've been on the road doing comedy for ten years now, so bear with me while I plaster on a fake smile and plough through this stuff one more time.”

"Fake smile" says it all. Even when he told this joke, he forced himself to smile and it looked painful to him. Once again, this comedy was serious business.

"There are no lines. There are no lines. I say, erase all the lines."

He didn't believe in any kind of censorship, even when it meant his act was banned or omitted from network shows. Hicks didn't care, he plowed ahead with act, no matter the cost.

“This is where we are at right now, as a whole. No one is left out of the loop. We are experiencing a reality based on a thin veneer of lies and illusions. A world where greed is our God and wisdom is sin, where division is key and unity is fantasy, where the ego-driven cleverness of the mind is praised, rather than the intelligence of the heart.”

This quote seems straight out of 2025, not 1985 when Hicks might have first told it. Or maybe it was both, and it highlights that little has changed for a lot of people.

"I ascribe to Mark Twain's theory that the last person who should be President is the one who wants it the most. The one who should be picked is the one who should be dragged kicking and screaming into the White House."

This is something that, honestly, everyone should agree with. We need more reluctant presidents. That's not a shot at either political party, it's a shot at both.

"Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don’t know one child with a full-time job and children."

This is quite a unique way of looking at life. Is life worth living if all we do is work? It's something we have to do, but how do we all find a way to just enjoy the short time we have on this earth?

“They Want You To Be A Docile Apathetic Consumer”

This is a direct shot at the whole world and honestly, it's only gotten worse since Bill Hicks died in 1994. It's kind of crazy.

“I smoke to fill the potholes in my soul”

Me too, Bill. Me too.

"It’s all about money, not freedom. If you think you’re free, try going somewhere without money, okay?"

As cynical as he was about money and consumerism, he also saw reality for what it was. To be truly free in society today, you need money. That's not how it should be, it's how it is.

"I am availiable for children's parties, by the way."

There is a part of me that really wishes Hicks had done his stand up at kids parties. If you think clowns and magicians scare kids, how about a strong dose of Bill Hicks' comedy? That would scare kids for a lot longer than a few hours.

“Listen, the next revolution is gonna be a revolution of ideas.”

Unfortuantely, this is one thing Hicks might have gotten wrong. He died before the real dawn of the internet, but for all the talk that the World Wide Web would make education more egalitarian, it's really made us all more numb. Hicks would have hated it.

"Wherever truth, love and laughter abide, I am there in spirit.”

Underneath it all, Hicks was a comedian, not just a bitter philosopher. He sought truth, but he was looking for love and laughter. Can you imagine how much he would hate "live, laugh, love" posters, though?

“I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your mouth.”

There is definitely a side of Bill Hicks with a death wish. It's like he knew he wasn't going to be on this earth for long, so he made the most of it, as quickly as possible. He did nothing at half-speed, even the worst of habits.

“I can't watch TV longer than five minutes without praying for nuclear holocaust.”

Oh yeah, Bill Hicks really hated television.

“I do not believe making money in order to consume goods is mankind’s sole purpose on this planet.”

While Bill Hicks understood that money was needed to live, he wasn't happy about it. He truly believed life shouldn't be lived only in the pursuit of money or consumerism. Again, what would he think of the world today, where all of this is racheted up even more? It almost makes you glad he didn't have to live to see it.

“Life is only a dream and we are the imagination of ourselves.”

Deep, man. You didn't have to agree with everything he said. This is pretty out there, if we're honest.

“We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution.”

This is important. Life is up to us. We must deal with all the stuff it deals us and keep moving forward, individually and as a collective.

“Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one.”

Hicks wasn't just a nihilist. There was a kernel of hope in whatever he was ranting about. He wanted a better world, but he just didn't see one.

“I just have one of those faces. People come up to me and say, 'What's wrong?' Nothing. 'Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile.' Yeah, you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me alone?”

For Hicks fans, this sentiment has always been at the heart of his over-arching philosophy. You do your thing, I'll do mine, but if we both treat each other how we'd want to be treated, the world would be a much better place.

“I need my sleep. I need about eight hours a day, and about ten at night.”

Sometimes you could just see the depression behind his eyes and his jokes. He made no apologies for it.

“Today I realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration. That we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Brothers and sisters, friends and neighbors, vibrations in the mind of the one true god, whose name is Love.”

It was quotes like this that really left you wondering if he was serious or if it was just the most bitter satire ever.

“I get a kick out of being an outsider constantly. It allows me to be creative. I don't like anything in the mainstream, and they don't like me.”

Once again, Hicks showed why he wasn't interested in being compliant.

“The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they’ve never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people’s minds, exposing them to the light.”

This quote is really what Hicks was all about. He was angry, sure. He was bitter a lot of the time. His satire was dark, and it could be very mean. That wasn't everything, though. He could be positive, but he wasn't going to blindly smile through the darkest parts of life. It may not be for everyone, but Bill Hicks humor was unlike anyone else's before or after.