The Golden Girls is the television equivalent of comfort food (even Deadpool loves the show), but just because the classic NBC sitcom offers up plenty of "Thank You For Being a Friend" sweetness doesn't mean it's without spice. Our core four of Blanche Devereaux (Rue McClanahan), Dorothy Zbornak (Bea Arthur), Rose Nylund (Betty White) and Sophia Petrillo (Estelle Getty) were known to loveably fling around funny insults at each other throughout the show's seven seasons (though the actresses' real-life dynamic was reportedly more complicated). Here are some of our favorites.
Jealousy is a very ugly thing, Dorothy. And so are you in anything backless! - Sophia
Mother-daughter duo Sophia and Dorothy had a very loving relationship on the iconic comedy series but that didn't mean that either of them ever shied away from poking fun at their family member. Case in point: Sophia's hilariously brutal burn from the Season 2 episode "Ladies of the Evening."
Can I ask a dumb question? - Rose. Better than anyone I know. - Dorothy
A sweet farm girl from St. Olaf Minnesota, Betty White's Rose Nylund was often portrayed as more sheltered and more naive than her roommates and was known for making goofy comments or sharing peculiar stories about her upbringing. Thus, many of the jokes aimed at the character focused on her intelligence or perceived lack thereof.
My mistake. I thought since you look like Yoda you were also wise. - Blanche
You might think a Southern belle like Rue McClanahan's Blanche Devereaux would be all prim and proper, but Blanche could give it as good as she got it. After getting sassed by Sophia for her age ("Wake up and smell the coffee, ya fossil!"), Blanche retorted with an equally vicious and exceptionally funny comeback in the Season 6 ep "Snap Out of It."
Dirk's nearly five years younger than I am. - Blanche. In what, Blanche, dog years? - Dorothy
Speaking of age jokes, there were loads of them in the Season 1 episode "Blanche And The Younger Man," which saw Ms. Devereaux lie about the age gap between her and her lover Dirk, a young aerobics instructor. However, Dorothy's canine-inspired quip was a standout.
I think there’s a connection between your brain and wallpaper paste. - Sophia
For a tiny Italian woman, Sophia Petrillo is full not only of seemingly endless stories about the old country ("Picture it, Sicily!") but also razor-sharp slights and snubs. Dim-witted Rose is often the subject of Sophia's quick wit, as was the case with this sensationally sarcastic barb from the show's first season.
Oh, blow it out your Tubenburbles! - Rose
Sweet Rose isn't as known for verbal slams as the rest of the titular ladies, but every once in a while, even she would partake in the show's signature jabs and jibes. In the Season 3 episode "Three on a Couch," the foursome seek out a professional therapist to help them with their bickering, during which Rose unleashes several choice words from her Norwegian heritage.
I have a date. - Dorothy. With a man? - Blanche. No, Blanche, with a Venus fly trap! - Dorothy
A shameless flirt, Blanche was known for her numerous relationships with gentlemen throughout the course of The Golden Girls' seven seasons. Dorothy's love life, however, wasn't quite as prolific as that of her coquettish roommate, which the other characters frequently used as a running joke in the sitcom.
Go to sleep, sweetheart. Pray for brains. - Dorothy
After the ladies' Miami home is robbed while they're at a Madonna concert in the Season 1 episode "Break In," Rose is still a bit unnerved following the burglary. However, that didn't save Ms. Nylund from being the butt of the jokes, with Dorothy canceling out a loving endearment with a laugh-worthy insult.
No matter how bad things get, remember these sage words: You're old, you sag, get over it. - Sophia
As the oldest of the core four, Sophia is sought out by Blanche for advice when an upcoming birthday makes the latter feel a bit depressed over her age in the Season 6 ep "Snap Out of It." However, her sassy response may have Blanche thinking twice about coming to the elder woman for any words of wisdom in the future.
Honey, that phony hair color won't wash out just because you got caught in the rain! - Blanche
Many jokes on the show played up Rose's role as the "dumb blonde" of the bunch, and this wisecrack from the Season 6 episode "The Bloom Is Off the Rose" is no exception. After Rose comes in from the rain crying after seeing a sad movie, Blanche jests that her friend is actually weepy because of a ruined dye job.
Stanley, you’re one chromosome away from being a potato. - Dorothy
Dorothy had a tumultuous relationship with her ex-husband Stanley Zbornak (Herb Edelman), who had left her to marry a young flight attendant. Despite their estrangement, Stan made numerous appearances throughout the show, usually prompting a bitterly funny barb from Dorothy aimed at her freeloading former spouse.
I know you don't get many dates, Dorothy, but stick with what you know. - Sophia
The Season 2 episode "Isn't It Romantic?" is a memorable edition of the show for its progressive-for-the-era depiction of Dorothy's good friend Jean (Lois Nettleton), who is a lesbian. When Dorothy asks her mother how she would react if she had a gay child, Sophia is wholeheartedly welcoming of the idea but still manages to sneak in a funny little dig at her single daughter.
Rose, you must be confused. You come to me if you have problems with a man. You go to Dorothy if there's some grammar you need help with. - Blanche
In another crack aimed at Dorothy's love life (or lack thereof), Blanche reminds Rose about what areas of life her roommates are strongest in. For the perpetually boy-crazy Blanche, that's all things romance-related, which is emphatically not the case where Dorothy is concerned, she jokes.
Why don't you just tell him that you don't know who he is? - Dorothy. And hurt an old friend? Boy, Dorothy, no wonder nobody likes you. - Rose
All four women had many love interests throughout the sitcom and in this Season 7 ep "Old Boyfriends," Rose funnily enough can't recall an old beau (Ken Berry) who claims that they dated back in high school. (Much to Blanche's shock, Rose reveals that she had 56 boyfriends her senior year alone!) When Dorothy suggests simply fessing up that Rose can't remember him, the latter offers up a very ironic insult in reply.
May you put your dentures in upside down and chew your head off. - Sophia
Between Sophia and Dorothy, we already knew that wisecracking was strong in the Petrillo bloodline and that theory was further proven by the introduction of Sophia's similarly diminutive and sarcastic sister Angela Vecchio (Nancy Walker). A conversation between the two siblings was like a tennis volley of insults, and this match point from Sophia was no exception. But no matter how mean the name-calling, the sisters always reconciled.
You'll have to excuse my mother. She suffered a slight stroke a few years ago, which rendered her totally annoying. - Dorothy
Again, that classic Petrillo humor! There were several variations of Dorothy's "You have to excuse my mother" jokes over the years on The Golden Girls (Ex: "She suffered a stroke which left her, if I can be frank, a complete burden") but our favorite is from the fittingly titled Season 6 episode "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Sophia?"
Blanche, if your 21st birthday was 20 years ago, you'd only be 41 years old. - Rose. That's right! - Blanche. Gee, you look terrible for your age. - Rose
A lot of the humor in Rose's put-downs is just how joyfully she delivers them. And she's positively proud of this jibe, based on the running joke that Blanche lies about her real age. (Fun fact: Given that the "Mother's Day" episode reveals that Blanche was seventeen in 1949, she actually would have been 53 around the time that Rose dropped this dig.)
The woman keeps a chicken in her home, how normal can she be? - Dorothy. I kept a chicken in my home! - Rose. You see my point? - Dorothy
In the Season 2 episode "Long Day's Journey into Marinara," Dorothy offers a two-for-one clowning: the first, against Rose's friend who keeps a piano-playing chicken as a pet, and the second against Rose herself, who wants to babysit the bird. It's yet another example of the wild—literally!—upbringing that Rose had in St. Olaf.
You're a furry little gnome, and we feed you too much! - Dorothy
Many of the jokes from Bea Arthur's Dorothy play up the petite stature of her mother Sophia—actress Estelle Getty was only 4 foot 11 inches, nearly a foot shorter than her 5-foot-10 onscreen daughter. In this Season 7 jest, she's basically comparing her tiny mom to a Gremlin.
Rose, you're bringing down the curve for the whole country. - Dorothy
It's another one lobbed at the daffy Rose, but sometimes she says something so witless that a Dorothy dig is warranted! Funny proof: after Blanche revealed that her sister Charmaine called, which was surprising because the siblings weren't speaking, Rose innocently asked, "Then how'd you know it was her on the other end of the line?"
You're not going to eat them, are you? - Rose. No, Rose. We're going to go to some dumb country and try to use them as money. - Dorothy
It's well-known that the gals liked to have a good gossip session over a few slices of cheesecake but in the Season 4 episode "The Days And Nights Of Sophia Petrillo," Rose admonishes her roommates when she finds double-fudge cookies in a cupboard after they had agreed not to keep the sweets in the house. Of course, Dorothy takes it as an opportunity to rib Rose.
Oh Dorothy, a man called for you while you were out. - Rose. Finally, now we can break out that bottle of champagne we've been saving! - Sophia
Dorothy did actually have several suitors during The Golden Girls' seven-season run on NBC—she even marries Blanche's uncle, Lucas Hollingsworth (Leslie Nielsen), in the series finale—but you wouldn't know it based on the way Sophia always made fun of her daughter's relationship status.
I'm just so embarrassed to be seen in this old thing. - Blanche. Don't worry Blanche, the dress covers most of it. - Sophia
Blanche would go to any length to impress a man and in the Season 7 episode "Mother Load," she can be seen sauntering around the house in a less-than-casual frock to tempt a local newscaster, Jerry Kennedy (Peter Graves). Leave it to Sophia, though, to take her down a peg by reminding Blanche of her age.
Rose, have I given you any indication at all that I care? - Sophia
Scenes between Sophia and Rose were always a delicious mix of salty and sweet. This quote from the show's first season is much of the same, with the older Petrillo abruptly cutting one of Rose's infamously long-winded stories short ("When I was a little girl, one summer we had a terrible thunderstorm...").
I have to confess, I dabbled a little in poetry writing in high school - Dorothy. That's nothing to be ashamed of! A lot of tall girls who couldn't get dates wrote poetry in high school. - Rose
In the Season 2 ep "Big Daddy's Little Lady," Dorothy and Rose partner up to write some lyrics for the chance to win $10,000 in a songwriting contest. However, before they can put their musical skills to the test, Rose proves that she's got an ear for a good insult, poking fun at Dorothy's schoolgirl days.
Terrific little figure, gorgeous hair, perfect skin. Just like looking in a mirror. - Blanche. Get some Windex! - Sophia
Blanche puts a lot of effort into how she looks and has a very strong sense of pride in her beauty. So when her young, pretty niece Lucy Warren (Hallie Todd) comes to visit the gals in Season 1, Blanche can't help but comment on the family resemblance. But, then, neither can Sophia!
Ned was sort of the town idiot. - Rose. When? On your days off? - Sophia
For a small town, St. Olaf, Minnesota sure packed in a whole lot of lore, which Rose proudly shares with her roommates, much to their chagrin. In Season 5's "Sisters and Other Strangers," Rose revealed that Olaf's town motto was "Better Ned than red," which prompted this classic Sophia zinger.
But of course, my heroine doesn't look like you. This is a romantic novel, not science-fiction. - Blanche
In the Season 5 episode "Sick & Tired," Dorothy is dealing with chronic fatigue and goes to see several doctors to figure out what's wrong with her. Meanwhile, Blanche decides to become a novelist, but is suffering from writer's block. The two storylines come together when Blanche declares that Dorothy is looking sicker and sicker, like her book's heroine.
Well, I'm here if you want to pick my brain. - Rose. Rose, honey. Maybe we should leave it alone and let it heal. - Dorothy
Rose's utter cluelessness is part of the charm of the character—and it's made even funnier by the mocking it regularly incites from her friends. Here's another instance of Dorothy hilariously trying to soften a savage response about Rose's dopiness with an endearment.
Must you always be so cheerful, you empty-headed Mary Poppins knockoff? - Blanche
Yes, Rose's perpetual sunniness does get picked on quite a bit by the other women, which serves as the basis of this joke from Season 3. When Rose asks Dorothy if she's noticed that Blanche has been picking on her lately, Ms. Devereaux struts in with a perfectly timed shady comment. (Even better is Rose's response to Dorothy after: "Let me know if you notice anything!")
Strictly hypothetical, let's say a man wants to take you out on a date. - Sophia. Why is that hypothetical? - Dorothy. Check your calendar! - Sophia
Sophia and Dorothy were the epitome of the judgmental mother-daughter relationship. And speaking of relationships, Dorothy's mom always had something to say about her dating life, including this Season 6 episode “Wham, Bam, Thank You, Mammy,” in which Sophia tries matchmaking Dorothy with a variety of men.
Get back here, you deceitful little Sicilian gecko! - Dorothy
This Dorothy Zbornak zinger hits on many of the things she regularly teases her mother about, from her short stature to her old-school Italian heritage to her mischievous nature. In this case, Dorothy finds out that Sophia has been milking a sprained ankle injury simply because she likes hanging out with the nurse that Dorothy hired her.
And yet, even with all of those traded barbs and blunt comments on The Golden Girls, it was always apparent that they all came from a place of love between Blanche, Dorothy, Rose, and Sophia.
