One of the great things about Phoebe in Friends was that you never knew what might come out of her mouth. While the Friends cast had no shortage of talent to go around, Lisa Kudrow delivered some of the funniest and most out-there lines through her performance as the offbeat and eccentric masseuse and musician, Phoebe Buffay. So naturally, it was a lot of fun revisiting some of Phoebe’s funniest scenes to compile this list of some of the best of the characters quotes.
“Both fine answers, but we were looking for leafy. LEAFY.”
Ask Phoebe to make up a game on the spot and she can do it. But don’t bet on being able to guess the correct answer to her questions, like what your favorite thing about trees might be. That’s what happens in Season 4 when Monica and Rachel are determined to win their apartment back from Joey and Chandler.
"Oh my eyes! My eyes!"
Phoebe wasn't the first person to discover Monica and Chandler’s secret relationship, but her reaction certainly is memorable! In the Season 5 episode, one moment she’s delighted to see her two friends through the window from across the way, and the next, she’s horrified to see what they’re doing.
"I’m Regina Phalange. PHALANGE"
The name Regina Phalange is practically synonymous with Phoebe Buffay. After all, it was her favorite pseudonym when a situation called for a fake name. This particular reference happens in Season 5 when Phoebe is pretending to be a business woman to help Joey connect with his hand twin.
"Bye Ross (FOREVER)"
When Ross is being forced to sever ties with Rachel so that he can reconcile with Emily in Season 5, it takes very little effort for Rachel to convince Phoebe to come with her to start a new group. Phoebe’s up for it, but she’s not going to leave without saying goodbye to Ross, including an ominously whispered “forever.”
"I should really start wearing hats"
What does one say when looking at themselves in the mirror while trying on a Trojan helmet? If you’re Phoebe Buffay, you might just come to the realization that you should start wearing more hats. That’s exactly what happens when she tries on Joey’s Trojan helmet at the hotel in one of the final episodes of Season 5.
"Ohhh, no!"
By itself, this may not seem like much of a quote, but anyone who’s watched enough Friends knows exactly how it’s meant to be said when Phoebe says it. When something doesn't work out the way she’s hoped, this is what she'll say — with an emphasis on the “Ohhh” and a drop for the “no.”
“Uh-huh. Why do you think it takes me so long to answer the door?”
At first, Rachel seems thrown off when Phoebe suggests that she’d want some time alone in the apartment so that she can walk around naked. And then Phoebe reveals it’s one of her own personal pastimes (and the reason she might take a minute to get to the door when someone stops by.)
"They thought that they could mess with us? They’re trying to mess with us?… They don’t know that we know they know we know.”
“The One Where Everybody Finds Out” is surely one of the most iconic episodes of the entire series, and undoubtedly one of Phoebe’s best episodes. She and Rachel refuse to be bested by Chandler and Monica in a game of uncomfortably flirtatious chicken to force them to reveal their relationship, leaving a baffled Joey to try to unravel this particular line about who knows what (and who does or doesn't know who knows what.)
"Yeah, if you get married in Vegas, you're only married in Vegas."
Every once in a while, you might learn something really random about Phoebe. Like that she might have once gotten married in Vegas, and is perhaps still married to that person. This is implied when she tries to tell her friends that a Vegas wedding means you’re only married in Vegas. The alarm on her face when they tell her that’s not true is fleeting, but it’ll always make us wonder.
"See? He's her lobster."
Ross and Rachel being each other’s lobsters is a well known fact to Friends fans, but Phoebe deserves the credit for the declaration. While her explanation about lobsters mating for life might not actually be true, she wasn’t wrong about Ross and Rachel being destined to be together when she called it in this Season 2 episode.
“Oh, hello Mr. Bicep”
In an attempt to force Chandler to admit he’s seeing Monica in Season 5, Phoebe turns up the charm with some hilarious flirting that includes introducing herself to Chandler’s bicep while admiring his jacket. It leaves Chandler very confused.
"What! Monica, I'm scared!"
Poor Phoebe is just trying to put a sweater on while waiting on hold on a phone call when she finds her head trapped in the sleeve. All she can do is panic and call out to Monica.
“Are you in there little fetus, in nine months will you come greet us? I will buy you some Adidas.”
Phoebe is always up for creating new music. Such is the case when she’s laying back killing time while she waits to find out if she’s pregnant in Season 4. I like to think the song she sang (to what would turn out to be three fetuses) helped make it a success.
“This is your third divorce. Ha, you love divorce you’re probably gonna marry it. And then it won’t work out so you’re gonna have to divorce it, Divorcing Guy. Ha-ha. I’m so drunk”
Season 6 starts off on a hilariously awkward note as Ross and Rachel have to come to grips with the fact that their escapades in Vegas the night before have resulted in them getting married. And Phoebe can’t help but poke fun at Ross for being the “Divorcing Guy” in the group. When no one thinks she’s funny, she quickly blames the alcohol.
"Wow. Well done."
What else does one say when addressing a higher power after being introduced to a man who looks like… well, Brad Pitt. Phoebe’s quiet but unsubtle reaction after meeting Monica’s dreamy old friend in Season 8 is perfect.
"I love Jacques Cousteau!"
The Thanksgiving episodes of Friends are known to be some of the best episodes of the series. In the Season 6 episode, amidst people admitting the truth about several things, including Rachel’s trifle being terrible, Phoebe confesses that she’s in love with Jacques Cousteau (due to having had a dream about him.)
“I was wondering — PLEASE — if it’s not too much trouble — Please — if, might I speak with Miss Emily Waltham PLEASE?”
Phoebe is left behind when everyone goes to London for Ross and Emily’s wedding in Season 4. But when she’s trying to urgently get in touch with her friends by phone, her efforts include trying to be super polite in hopes of getting the British woman she’s speaking to to help her. That includes putting on a special voice and inserting the word “please” a lot in the sentence. It does not go over well with the woman she’s speaking with.
"What a neat idea, all your clothes match! I'm gonna do this."
While Rachel’s devastated to see that her efforts to do her own laundry have resulted in all of her clothes turning pink in this Season 1 episode, Phoebe just sees a great way to make all of her clothes match.
“I’m unemployed. My music is all I have now. Well, music and making my own shoes. Pretty, huh?!”
Phoebe doesn’t forget to point out her shoe-making (or shoe-decorating?) abilities when calling attention to the status of her livelihood. It shouldn’t come as a huge surprise that Phoebe’s efforts to make her own shoes are similar to her approach to making music. You never quite know what to expect (but candy corns and tassels aren’t out of the question.)
"Nuh-Uh, they're maternity pants. Look, they even came with a list of baby names. See? These names are good, and these are bad!"
It takes Phoebe a moment to realize that the pants she’s wearing in this Season 4 episode are not maternity pants, but actually Santa pants. It isn’t the bright red fabric or the oversized belt that give it away, but the realization that the list of baby names (separated by good and bad) is actually Santa’s naughty and nice list.
"Oh my God, she's Smelly Cat!"
When Phoebe discovers that her voice has been dubbed over by a better singer for her “Smelly Cat” music video, her disappointment quickly turns to sympathy when all she can do is feel bad for whoever the singer is, as she feels the woman is as unappreciated as the cat she’s singing about.
"No, that made me feel precious."
Ross spends most of this Season 5 episode trying to figure out why Phoebe’s mad at him. Turns out, it was due to something she dreamed. But before that reveal, when Ross asks her if she’s mad that he described her handwriting as “childlike,” she beams when saying that it made her feel precious. And it’s kind of adorable.
"Dinosaur attack. Quick, everybody into the house! Ah-ahhhh!"
If you invite Phoebe to play with your dollhouse, she might bring a giant dog and a dinosaur, much to Monica’s dismay. This is not at all how Monica wants to play dollhouse.
“And did you notice the ice? We have crushed, cubed and dry. Look. AhhAhhh. Mystical!”
Monica thinks she has the most important elements of the party under control in this Season 5 episode, so she leaves Phoebe to handle the cups and ice. Phoebe takes her responsibilities very seriously… and creatively. So much so that her ice and cups outshine the rest of the party.
"That is brand new information!"
Ross thinks he’s revealing the big news that Rachel is pregnant with his child to Phoebe and Joey in Season 8. Little does he know that they already know. In fairness to Joey, he does an admirable job of feigning surprise, but Phoebe’s exclamation that this is brand new information might’ve oversold it.
“Yeah, when I first met you, you were like blah blah blah blah. I was like Shh.”
Poor Chandler has to learn from Phoebe that he’s not good at making a good first impression right as he’s nervously anticipating a big job interview in Season 8. Phoebe adds a cherry to the top of this news by describing their first iteration and it’s not good.
"Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to."
Phoebe makes it clear from the very first episode of the series that she’ll be totally honest. That includes expressing sincere disappointment in not being able to help out when Joey asks because she doesn’t want to.
"Here's something rich. Thirteen bathrooms in this place, I threw up in the coat closet. Ta-ta!"
Phoebe manages to chew and temporarily swallow a bite of veal during her first meeting dinner with Mike’s parents in Season 9. But as a vegetarian, she’s revolted and the meat just won’t stay down. After Mike tells off his parents (and their “sinfully boring” friends), Phoebe gleefully shares that she never actually made it to one of their many bathrooms when she got sick.
"Oh, ok, it's P as in Phoebe, H as in Heebee, O as in Obee, E as in Eebee, B as in Beebee, and E as in 'ello there mate!"
If you need to know how to spell Phoebe, she has you covered, as evidenced by this quote from the Season 8 episode, where she spells out her name by mostly using made-up words that rhyme with Phoebe (or are Phoebe).
"Say we are unagi!"
Ross thinks having unagi will be enough to best Phoebe and Rachel in a game of sneakiness. He learns how wrong he is the hard way more than once. Of course, Phoebe’s demand to be declared “unagi” by a defeated Ross is met with a correction that unagi is not something you are, it’s something you have. Obviously.
"Rachel. I don't know."
Phoebe makes the mistake of answering the question when Monica throws out the hypothetical idea of which one of them she’d date. Rachel smartly claims she doesn’t know, but Phoebe quickly says Rachel… and then tries to backtrack. Too late.
"It's fun, god I love how sexy I am."
Most people would despair at having to deal with a cold, but Phoebe finds the silver lining in her congestion as it’s doing wonderful things for her singing voice. Never mind the she sometimes erupts in a coughing fit, she sounds great?
