From his days as a Saturday Night Live cast member from 1998 to 2004 to his self-reinvention as a late-night talk show host, emceeing NBC’s Late Night and The Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon has had a pretty stellar career filled with spot-on impersonations, surprisingly good musical performances, and some really funny quotes. The following are a few gut-busters we have heard the comedian say on SNL and his talk shows over the years.
"This Is My Show And It's A No-Nonsense Show. I'm Not Gonna Take Any Crap From Nobody" - Saturday Night Live
Arguably, Jimmy Fallon's single funniest SNL sketch is "The Barry Gibb Talk Show" – a recurring bit in which he plays the Bee Gees frontman, who hosts a political discussion program alongside his brother, Robin (Justin Timberlake). Gibb opens every episode by reminding viewers that he takes his show gravely seriously and demonstrates it by berating and belittling his guests at the littlest disagreement or even for attempting flattery.
"I Don't Know What That's Like" - Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
Jimmy Fallon is notorious for appearing in many SNL sketches that did not go as planned, particularly due to his frequent tendency to burst into laughter on stage. He poked fun at this reputation of his on Late Night after his guest Rose Byrne revealed that she struggles to keep from laughing when performing comedy.
"Move!" - Saturday Night Live
One of Jimmy Fallon's funniest recurring SNL characters is Nicky Burns – an arrogant IT employee with his own signature catchphrase. This was his rude way of signaling to coworkers that they should step aside so he could commandeer their computer and fix the problem himself.
"Thank You, Emails That Say, 'You Have Successfully Unsubscribed From These Emails,' For Completely Missing The Point" - Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
One of the best recurring bits that Jimmy Fallon introduced on Late Night and continued after he took over The Tonight Show sees him writing "Thank You" notes about various topics, from recent events to common annoyances. For instance, he once wrote a note that acknowledges the irony of receiving an email from the address you just requested to stop receiving emails from.
"Is It Hard To Get Into The Paris Hilton?" - Saturday Night Live
From 2000 to 2004, Jimmy Fallon co-hosted "Weekend Update" with Tina Fey and one highlight of that era includes his interview with Paris Hilton, which he began by agreeing not to talk about her then-recent scandal. However, when asking about her family's hotel chain and discovering that they have a location in Paris, France, he cannot resist the urge to use it as an opportunity for a series of hilarious double entendres.
"Thank You, Hand Sanitizer Pump In Public Restrooms For Supplying Me With 90% Of The Germs I Am Trying to Kill" - Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
In this funny "Thank You" notes segment from Late Night, Jimmy gives his audience a reason to carry their own portable bottles of hand sanitizer by pointing out how unsanitary the dispensers made available to the public must be.
"I Don't Come To Where You Work And Knock The Corndog Out Of Your Hand" - Saturday Night Live
Both Jimmy Fallon and host Sean Hayes could not stop laughing during an SNL sketch set at a clothing store called Jeffrey's after Will Ferrell's character enters the room on a scooter. Earlier in the hilarious classic, Fallon and Hayes' elitist employees take turns belittling their customers for their fashion sense but, mostly, just for being near them.
"Last Week, A Hunter In Kansas Shot His Friend Twice Because He Mistakenly Thought He Was A Turkey. After The First Shot, The Guy Said He Wasn't A Turkey. But, Come On, That's Exactly What A Turkey Would Have Said" - Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
Honoring a decades-long tradition in late-night TV, Jimmy Fallon opened every episode of Late Night and, later, The Tonight Show with a monologue of jokes taking aim at that day's most popular or obscure and bizarre news stories. For instance, in this bit, he acknowledges how crazy it is that a hunter would not only mistake a human for a turkey but also shoot at them more than once... unless they suspected some fowl play.
"Does This Mean I'm Knighted? Or Did I Just Get Queened?" - Saturday Night Live
When Ian McKellan hosted SNL in Season 27, he appeared on "Weekend Update" as Maggie Smith, who ended her Oscar predictions segment by stealing a smooch from Jimmy Fallon. Fallon then wonders, considering McKellan is a knight and a member of the LGBTQIA+ community if he now reserves the right to call himself a 'Sir'... or a queen.
"Thank You, Hard Taco Shells, For Surviving The Long Journey From Factory, To Supermarket, To My Plate And Then Breaking The Moment I Put Something Inside You" - Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
For as fun as Taco Tuesdays are, they can also be quite annoying, particularly when your shell inevitably cracks into pieces while you are still preparing the meal. Fallon points out in a "Thank You" note that what makes this especially frustrating is how the shell managed to remain intact until that moment.
"Say Hello, You Old Cork Soakers" - Saturday Night Live
In a Season 29 sketch, SNL host and musical guest Janet Jackson starred as a woman touring an Italian winery, where the guides (played by Jimmy Fallon and Horatio Sanz) explain that they make bottling their product easier by "soaking corks." However, in their accents, the phrase sounds like something a bit racy, which Jackson almost says on accident a couple of times.
“Steven Spielberg Is Going To Release A Biopic About Abraham Lincoln Next Year. Right, That's A Good Way To Honor Lincoln – By Sending People To The Theater” - Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
The 16th President of the United States, Abraham Lincoln, was assassinated by actor John Wilkes Booth on April 14, 1865, during a play at Ford's Theatre in Washington, D.C. So, while Steven Spielberg's 2012 biopic, Lincoln (for which Daniel Day-Lewis heavily altered his voice to the play the title role), turned out to be a critical and commercial success, Fallon has a point that a theatrical release might not be in the best taste.
"We Got A Freakin' Oxygen Molecule Joinin' With Two Hydrogen Molecules In A Covalent Bond Ovah Heah! - Saturday Night Live
One of the funniest SNL sketches featuring a professional athlete comes from Season 28 and stars NASCAR legend Jeff Gordon as a man who hires two aquarium repairmen (played by Jimmy Fallon and Horatio Sanz) whose compulsion to make wisecracks distracts them from their job and, ultimately, kills his fish. They are then forced to attend court-mandated therapy where their psychiatrist (Fred Armisen) suggests a word association game. When he says the phrase, "I like water," Fallon's character's first reaction is to make a wisecrack that describes the liquid's elemental makeup.
"Researchers In Canada Say They Have Discovered The Part Of The Brain That Is Used To Make Decisions, And This Is Weird: If You're Married, It's Actually Located In Your Wife's Brain" - Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
They say that, behind every great man, is a great woman – a common and certainly useful saying that must have inspired this Late Night monologue bit in which Jimmy Fallon pokes fun at a recent scientific update.
"We Only Had 'Tee Martoonis'" - Saturday Night Live
Jimmy Fallon starred in a series of recurring sketches with Chris Parnell as Kip and Wayne Bloater, who compulsively spew egregious puns at every person who bothers to have a conversation with them. One sketch sees the Bloater Brothers pulled over by a pair of police officers (played by host John Goodman and long-running SNL cast member Tim Meadows) and do not do a very effective job convincing them that they were, indeed, not driving under the influence because their explanation is, unsurprisingly, a barrage of wall-to-wall jokes.
"This Week, A 95-Year-Old Woman Married A 98-Year-Old Man To Become The World’s Oldest Newlyweds. They’re Registered At Bed, Sponge Bath And Beyond" - Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
Sometimes, the best late-night talk show monologues take a story that is wholesome and sweet and bring them down a size with a joke of lewd and even morbid quality. This particular Late Night with Jimmy Fallon monologue bit is more on the lighthearted side but is still not so pleasant to visualize.
"Tommy, Please Tell Me You Got That On Tape!" - Saturday Night Live
In a recurring sketch referred to as "Boston Teens," Jimmy Fallon plays Pat "Sully" Sullivan alongside Rachel Dratch as his girlfriend, Denise "Zazu" McDenna. Every sketch is framed as if it is filmed with a camcorder by their unseen friend, Tommy, who always seems to catch some sort of Freudian slip, which Sully is always quick to make sure was on the record.
"Thank You, Guy Who Uses the Urinal Right Next to Me Even Though There Are Literally 10 Open Urinals. Why Not Put Your Arm Around My Shoulder While We're At It?" - Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
This Late Night "Thank You Notes" joke convinces us that Jimmy Fallon might be the type of person who would walk into a public restroom with only two urinals and, if one of them is in use, he would choose a toilet stall. If that is not available, we imagine he would just wait outside until the coast is clear.
"According To A Recent Bureau Of Justice Survey, Night Is The Most Dangerous Time For Law Enforcement Officers. Second Most Dangerous Time: Day" - Saturday Night Live
First of all, night can be a potentially dangerous time for anybody to be out in public. Second of all, was there a specific time of night that the Bureau of Justice had in mind when conducting this survey? Third of all, whatever the outcome of this study, it led to one of Jimmy Fallon's most hilariously snarky "Weekend Update" bits.
"Do You Like It Better Than Sleep?" - The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
During a 2017 appearance on The Tonight Show, Louis C.K. told Jimmy Fallon that his favorite thing in the world is to take a nap. When the host asked if he preferred naps oversleeping, the comedian did not hold back in telling him how stupid he believed that question was. We cannot say we really blame him.
"If You're Just Joining Us, Yes, These Are My Real Shoulders" - Saturday Night Live
Whenever Jimmy Fallon impersonated a public figure on SNL, he aimed to match the voice as well as the look of the individual but in a more absurd fashion. Case in point, when he portrayed TV personality Larry King with an exaggerated demonstration of his signature hunched-over stance with fake, unusually high shoulders.
"Thank You, The Phrase 'The Best Thing Since Sliced Bread' For Making Me Seriously Wonder Who Is In Charge Of Deciding What The Greatest Thing Is" - Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
We have no doubt that sliced bread was an absolute game-changer upon release. However, as Jimmy Fallon acknowledges during this "Thank You" notes joke from Late Night, there are more important inventions.
"New Scientist Magazine Reported... In The Future, Cars Could Be Powered By Hazelnuts. That's Encouraging, Considering An 8-Ounce Jar Of Hazelnuts Costs About $9" - Saturday Night Live
Jimmy Fallon's punchline for this "Weekend Update" bit is that he has "an idea for a car that runs on Bald Eagle heads and Fabergé eggs."
"Happy Birthday To Arnold Palmer, Who Turned 82. That’s 41 Years Iced Tea And 41 Years Lemonade" - Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
A drink that combines sweet tea with lemonade is often referred to as an Arnold Palmer, after the legendary professional golfer who is known to have requested it on many occasions. Thus, this was a pretty clever and funny way for Fallon to wish the late athlete a happy birthday in 2011.
"I'm Pat O'Brien. I Don't Breathe Through My Nose Ever" - Saturday Night Live
Former sportscaster and Access Hollywood host Pat O'Brien is known to speak in a nasally voice, which is something that Jimmy Fallon regularly brought attention to when impersonating him on SNL.
"A New Study Found That Women Gain More Weight After Marriage But Men Gain More Weight After A Divorce. Yeah, The Divorce Usually Takes Place After Men Point Out That Women Gained More Weight After Marriage." - Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
Thankfully, Jimmy Fallon was still married to his wife, film producer Nancy Juvonen, after making this joke in his monologue on Late Night.
"Plus, We're Letterboxed" - Saturday Night Live
One of Jon Hamm's funniest moments sees him and Jimmy Fallon playing Ace and Gary in a special live-action version of the recurring, animated pre-recorded SNL bit, "The Ambiguously Gay Duo." Their transformation into three-dimensional characters is brought upon by a raygun that also, as Fallon's Gary points out, changes the aspect ratio to 16:9.
"Thank You, Socks with Sandals For Being A Look That Proudly Declares To The World, 'The People I'm Friends With Now Are The Only People I Ever Want To Be Friends With'" - Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
This Late Night era "Thank You Notes" joke might be a little harsh as we are sure there are people who wear socks with sandals and still maintain decent social lives. Though, the question is, how?
"Georgia's Board Of Education Approved A Plan That Allows Teachers To Keep Using The Word 'Evolution' When Teaching Biology. Though, As A Compromise, Dinosaurs Are Now Called 'Jesus Horses'" - Saturday Night Live
This "Weekend Update" joke gives us a great idea for a sci-fi revisionist history thriller.
"Now Why Would An Angel Want To Get High? They Wouldn't Need To, Would They? They're Already In The Clouds, That's Kind Of Their Thing" - Saturday Night Live
Jimmy Fallon returned to host SNL's 2011 Christmas show, in which he appeared as multiple celebrities alongside musical guest Michael Bublé for a fake Christmas duets album ad. As comedian Russell Brand, he interrupts the singer's cover of "Angels We Have Heard on High" with a commentary about celestial beings needlessly taking illicit substances, which he ends by recalling memories of an addict coincidentally named Angel.
"Back At Hampshire College For Junior Year Numero Tres" - Saturday Night Live
Jarrett of "Jarrett's Room" was a character Jimmy Fallon could continue to play today if his SNL tenure continued because that webcaster was destined to never graduate.
"Thank You, People Who Say, 'Have A Safe Flight,' For Basically Saying, 'Hope You Don't Die’" - Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
Well, thanks to this "Thank You Notes" joke from Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, we are going to be thinking this every time we board a plane.
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