The bazillionaire socialite whom everyone previously loved to hate and hated to love is heading back to TV in a way that fans haven’t experienced before: as a dramatized character portrayed (at least presumably) by a completely different person. That’s right, Paris Hilton is cashing in on the success and relevance of her memoir and documentary by signing on to spin her autobiographical work into a scripted TV series. The few details that we know of seem pretty sweet already, and I know exactly who should play the woman who once asked if Walmart made walls.
The forever-buzzy studio A24 stepped in and optioned Paris: A Memoir to adapt as an episodic TV show, and it would appear as if the execs are highly invested in the project, quite literally, as the deal was reportedly worth six figures, with Dakota Fanning's producer banner also involved. The book made both headlines and heads turn when it was released in March 2023, as the former The Simple Life co-star shared many candid anecdotes from her storied life, including landing on the cover of Playboy and dealing with an eighth grade teacher with a crush on her, and one can only imagine that the TV version of things will also cause a stir or two.
Paris Hilton is said to be part of the upcoming adaptation in some way, shape, or form, but the details of her involvement were not detailed at this point. Now, I think we can all agree there would be a weirdly wonderful appeal to having Hilton portraying herself within the show, especially since the crew wouldn’t need to do much to de-age her. But I have an inaruable pitch for who would truly rock out as the House of Wax vet.
Kaitlyn Dever, Y'All
Anyone who’s familiar with at least three projects from Kaitlyn Dever’s filmography knows that the actress works wonders in whatever role she takes, regardless of genre, tone, or amount screentime. Comedy? Look no further than Booksmart and her years on Last Man Standing. Straight drama? Dever was aces in Unbelievable, Dopesick and Short Term 12. And she’s no stranger to outside-the-borders fare such as Justified — Lorette McCready for life! — Monsterland and, most recently, Hulu’s invasion thriller No One Will Save You. So there’s nothing in my mind that thinks she wouldn’t be able to spin a multi-dimensional performance out of playing Paris Hilton.
In the same vein, Kaitlyn Dever has all the cred in the world to instantly legitimize the objectively bonkers concept of “an A24 Paris Hilton movie,” in the same way Daniel Kaluuya producing the Barney movie for the studio makes it seem less ridiculous. Not that Hilton’s life informing a high-profile TV drama is nearly as weird now in the post-prestige TV era as it would have been a decade ago, but there are no doubt plenty of potential viewers who would need a good reason to be swayed into watching. And good reason, thy name is Kaitlyn.
And this is probably not as important as anything else, because Hollywood magic, but Dever is also at the perfect age where she could play a younger Paris without much work needed (beyond loads of blonde hair dye, naturally), and also wouldn’t need much touching up to play a version of Hilton closer to current day.
Less Logical Dream-Casting Idea: Krysten Ritter
Wouldn't it be a uniquely fascinating trip to see Krysten Ritter in IT Girl mode as Paris Hilton? I won't spend a whole lot of time trying to convince anyone about this one, since it would seemingly be far less likely to come together, considering Ritter and Hilton are so close in age. But if for some reason A24's head honchos aren't paying attention to my ideas about Dever, they could at least settle on my second choice, amirite? (This show would give the Love and Death co-star a whole different way to get drunk on TV than her time as Jessica Jones' titular badass, too.)
At this point, there's no telling when this new project will begin casting, or when that news will eventually reach future audiences, but I'll be here singing Kaitlyn Dever's praises all the while. In the meantime, our 2023 TV premiere schedule has more than enough small-screen fare to dig into while also wondering who the show will get to play the Kardashians and Nicole Richie.
