There was once an age of heroes and underdogs, of sporting glory of the highest degree, and all of the spandex one could want to wear. The iconic series American Gladiators was once a titan on television, and after rewatching old episodes of the series, I had some random but comforting thoughts.
Having American Gladiators Available On YouTube Seems Fitting
Having this classic game show on YouTube seems absolutely fitting. I used to watch the series in syndication on the weekends, and having a platform that recreates the old-school TV experience (ads and all) is nice and cozy.
The American Gladiators Theme Song Still Slaps
How do I know the American Gladiators theme song still slaps? For starters, it never got old when rewatching random episodes. And that’s on top of having every note of that song buried in my memories since youth. But more importantly, the theme is one of the only things that mostly endured through the eras of change that ran through the series, including the very first episode.
The Names Of The American Gladiators Are As Ridiculous As I Remember
The names of the physically impressive specimens that faced off against the mere mortals are totally ridiculous. However, that’s a compliment if I was going to go into a challenge like this, I’d want to be rocking up with a moniker like “Laser” or “Turbo”, serving alongside equally awesome ladies named “Diamond” and “Siren.” Sometimes, ‘ridiculous’ means ‘it rocks so hard it’s out of the ordinary.’
There Is No Way This Series Wasn’t Inspired By The Running Man
American Gladiators started airing in 1989…which was just two years after the theatrical release of The Running Man. While that film is a source of many of the best Arnold Schwarzenegger quotes, you can’t tell me that this slice of ‘80s dystopian action wasn’t a key influence. The combat may be way less lethal, but the pageantry and even the eventually upgraded arena for the Gladiators are points that only prove me right.
Those Pugil Sticks Look Like Giant Q-Tips, No Matter How They Dress Them Up
“Joust” was one of the most memorable games that appeared in that fabled first episode of American Gladiators. In that challenge, competitor and Gladiator would face off on pedestals standing tall, armed with what looked like giant Q-Tips for the purpose of knocking down their competitor. I know stripes of colored tape were added in later seasons, but they’ll always look like those cosmetic implements to me.
How Did These Contestants Actually Stand A Chance?
Look, I know that professions like construction workers or stunt performers are vocations that can keep an American Gladiators contestant fit enough to compete. But I’ve seen computer operators and even a New York City groundskeeper face off as well. And while I would ask how people like those could even stand a chance, it didn’t take long before they proved themselves as formidable players.
Why Is The Referee Dressed Like An Executioner, And Not An Emperor?
Imagine my surprise in revisiting American Gladiators from the very beginning, and seeing a referee dressed like a hooded executioner. The pro to this situation is that it’s rad as anything, and I thank them for taking the time. However, the con is that if we were really going for the modern Colosseum vibe, that ref should have been an Emperor.
The Trash Talk Is Top Tier, Between The Contestants And The Gladiators
Even in the world of these gladiators, trash talk is something that means a lot to the experience. Both contestant and professional alike are allowed to get in some choice digs, and we’re all the better for it as the bravado helps amp up the games and/or the defeat of one’s opponents.
Assault Might Be My Favorite Challenge On American Gladiators
One word can sum up the challenge where over 60 seconds, five weapons, and a Gladiator stationed at an air cannon that shoots tennis balls, a contestant can win glory: “Assault.” Quite possibly my favorite challenge in the American Gladiators canon, one of its highlights came in Season 3’s premiere when competitor Kristi Kropp crawled into a last-second victory. The behavior of a true MVP, if you ask me.
American Gladiators: Brought To You By Spandex!
Here’s a factor that walks the line between ridiculous and awesome: the wardrobe for American Gladiators’ guests and fixtures is all spandex. Mock it all you want, but when you look as good as the people who match physical wits on this show, it’s a crime not to show off. It’s kind of like if you made Baywatch without the red bathing suit.
This Show Walked So Nickelodeon Guts Could Climb
What other series had absurdly awesome games, cool nicknames, and a lot of color and flash infused into its sport? Nickelodeon Guts, my friends. And American Gladiators walked so that the children of the not-too-distant future could climb the Aggro Crag.
How Was There Never A Pro-Wrestling Crossover With American Gladiators?
Besides the fact that WWE veteran Hulk Hogan would co-host NBC’s eventual reboot of American Gladiators, I can’t seem to find any sort of crossover between those sports legends. I find it hard to believe that Vince McMahon wouldn’t have at least entertained the idea of pitting Macho Man Randy Savage against the gauntlet of Gladiators.
A Show Named American Gladiators Should Have Had A Chariot Race
In fitting with the “modern Colosseum” atmosphere that American Gladiators was trying to employ in the series, I found that the absence of one specific challenge was disappointing. If you’re going to have gladiators fight, why isn’t there a chariot race added into the mix?
I’m Kinda Surprised American Gladiators Was An Hour Long Game Show
Most game shows are 30 minutes tops, with some of the more modern hour-longs being made of two separate episodes bundled together. With that in mind, I was kind of surprised that American Gladiators actually had enough in every single episode to fill a typical hour-long timeslot. You’ll hear no complaints though, as there are plenty of games to go around.
American Gladiators Could Have Been The Original American Idol
As American Gladiators expanded, the audition process became a pretty huge deal. So when I heard the rundown of physical challenges that would-be competitors would have to endure in the audition phase, all I could think was American Idol. More specifically in the notion that if they’d shown those auditions as episodes of the series, the producers could have beaten that phenomenon to the punch.
I Wish They Hadn’t Switched To More Traditional Referees In Later Seasons
Something that kind of upsets me is the fact that American Gladiators’ first season seems to be the only one that’s vastly missing from the official catalog. Part of that upset is also paired with the fact that the series lost some of its charm when it switched to traditional referees…instead of the hooded executioner shown in the first episode.
Assault Deserves More Love For Being Improved Over Time
Assault…you’ve come a long way, baby. Probably the most improved American Gladiators challenge of all, the simple World War II movie set battlefield in the pilot gave way to the grander spectacle you’d see in later seasons…complete with a cannon that shot soft balls at supposedly high speeds.
On Second Thought, Maybe Atlasphere Is The Best American Gladiators Challenge
Ok, so maybe there’s a competitor for the best Gladiators challenge after all. Brought into the fold later down the line, Atlasphere saw both sides climb into steel cages similar to hamster balls, with the purpose of rolling onto smoke-generating goals. It looks like it’d hurt more than the inflatable variant you’d see more often these days, but it also looks like it’d be worth it.
I Need To Go Watch The American Gladiators Documentary On Netflix
After revisiting all of the fun involved in this property, I think I need to watch Netflix’s Muscles & Mayhem: An Unauthorized Story of American Gladiators. I’d apply those same sentiments to ESPN’s 30 for 30 documentary on the same subject, as now that I’ve been reminded why this show was so fun, it’s time to dig into the actual history.
Anything Can Change In The Eliminator Round
It doesn’t matter how good you are at any of the American Gladiators challenges, as even a healthy and competitive lead can be wiped out at the last minute. One trip through The Eliminator can see our competitors swap places, as finishing the trials is only as important as being the first one to cross the finish. Victory can be snagged oh so sneakily, if you’re looking to close a fairly close gap.
One Of The Most Impressive Competitors Was Actually Star Trek Stuntman
You may not know the name Lincoln Simonds by heart, but the man is a professional stuntman with an impressive body of credits. At the same time, this Star Trek: The Next Generation vet was also one of the most impressive competitors on American Gladiators, especially in The Eliminator round from Season 2’s fourth episode. Watching that man sail through a paper door and over a Gladiator never gets old.
You Kind Of Need To Watch American Gladiators In Order
I went into American Gladiators thinking that letting it run random episodes would be the better way to form an opinion on the total experience. I was totally wrong, as this show runs in seasons similar to that of a major league sport. So if you become attached to the journey of certain contestants, you’re going to have to make sure to tailor your experience accordingly.
I Bet Universal Studios Hollywood Could Make A Killing Bringing American Gladiators Back
I could imagine Universal Studios Hollywood could make a killing if they brought American Gladiators back as a show in the park. Of course, they’d need to audition contestants in a rigorous fashion, but allowing your visitors to see such feats in living color feels like a throwback worth experimenting with.
Amazon’s American Gladiators Reboot Had Better Not Go Gritty On Us
\One could imagine the producers will want to modernize the battlefield and dump what could be seen as the cheesier aspects of the series. If this new version goes gritty and dark on the audience, I don’t think it’ll be long for this world.
Speaking Of That Reboot, If Assault Is Missing From The Lineup, I’ll Riot
Assault is as much of a fixture in this sporting institution as the goalpost is for American Football. If the Prime Video reboot doesn’t have this game included among its challenges, then I think I’m going to have to lead a friendly riot against its production. Or at the very least, I’m going to be very, very upset.
There Needs To Be A New 007 Reality Competition Focused On Just The Stunts
While 007: Road to a Million’s stunts are rather impressive for feats meant to be executed by everyday fans, I really want to see something more after revisiting American Gladiators. More specifically, why shouldn’t there be a reality competition where physically fit/professional stunt performers compete to execute action setpieces from the James Bond movies?
I Wonder If The American Gladiators Video Games Are Any Good?
Of course one of the true signs of American Gladiators’ cultural impact in its heyday is the fact that it had not only a line of Nerf toys, there was also a video game. While I have a feeling you’d pay out the nose for those actual toys, I wonder if any of the vintage video games are any easier to come by? I also have to question if they’re good because we all know how much of a gamble 8-bit/16-bit licensed tie-ins can be.
Someone Needs To Recover The Rest Of American Gladiators Season 1
It’s pretty noticeable that Season 1 of American Gladiators is the one that doesn’t have a playlist of full episodes. Someone seriously needs to try and correct that, as I want to see how long it took for the rough but ready game shown in the pilot was to be refined into the legend it became in later seasons.
Even As A Not So Sporty Person, I Can See Why This Show Endured
I’m not a huge sports fan, but I do enjoy a good competition. Between the athletes and the competitor’s impressive skills, and the presentation of American Gladiators, I can see why this series has lasted in people’s minds. Also, the sick Gladiator names and collection of challenging games still hold up today.
Do I Dare Watch The 2008 Reboot With Hulk Hogan Hosting?
Seriously, OG American Gladiators rode the line between tough and cheesy with an expert sense of timing. For the purposes of this list of thoughts, I avoided the 2008 reboot with Hulk Hogan acting as one of the hosts. Considering what pop culture was like at that time, especially the potential for misguided grittiness, I wonder, should even dare to watch that second variant?
If Gym Class Was More Like American Gladiators, I Think Kids Would Participate More
Physical education in school was something I think many of us dreaded. However, we could have engaged in various American Gladiators sports challenges, with a leaderboard/season structure like the show had, perhaps I may have become more of an athlete after all.
Assault! Assault! Assault! Assault!
It is a call. It is a movement. It is part of the way that American Gladiators will always live on in my mind. The children yearn for "Assault," and at the very least, this should be a game that finds its own life through fan recreations and/or future television incarnations. Long may it reign.
