I went from a teen to an adult during the original run of Friends, and I can remember fondly the urgency of catching every new episode as it aired on Thursday night. As great as it was to watch the series during its original run, one thing I love about binge-watching Friends with my Max subscription decades later is noticing some of the huge things the writers managed to pull off over the course of each season. Right now, I want to talk about Ross and Rachel’s second break-up and how it changed everything (in a good way).
Before I get into the second breakup, I need to talk about where things left off after the first one.
What Happened After Ross And Rachel's First Breakup
Don’t worry, I’m not going to drag us all into the weeds of Ross and Rachel’s first breakup — the one in Season 3 that happened after Rachel asked for a break, and Ross slept with the copy place girl. The debate as to whether or not they were “on a break” and who was at fault is for a different conversation (but if you're wondering where I stand: they were and Ross was).
The point here is to highlight that this break-up was devastating. And not just for fans who wanted to see these two lobsters together forever, but also for both characters, who were heartbroken. It had a major impact on the whole group’s dynamic. Rachel and Ross could barely be around each other at first, and even after some time passed, it was clear that they were still emotional, disappointed and sad about the whole ordeal.
And Then They Got Back Together Briefly... And Then Broke Up Again
After Ross started dating Phoebe’s friend Bonnie (Christine Taylor), Rachel got jealous and did everything to get Ross back (including convincing Bonnie to shave her head again). Season 3 left off with a major cliffhanger: Would Ross stay with Bonnie or return to Rachel? He returned to Rachel, as Season 4’s opener revealed. But she wasn’t totally willing to reconcile until he read the gigantic 18-page (front-and-back) letter she wrote explaining all of her feelings and then agreed to all of her terms.
Their reconciliation was short-lived, however, because initially Ross agreed to Rachel’s conditions/opinions, though he’d technically fallen asleep and didn’t get around to reading the whole letter until later. Once he knew what he’d actually agreed to, he rescinded his apology and re-declared that they were, in fact “ON A BREAK!” when he slept with the copy place girl.
Ross and Rachel broke up again, but this time, it was very different.
Rather than being tearful and emotional, this breakup was loud and comical, as neither would give in to the other’s firm stance on who was at fault. They dug their heels in and broke up again, once and for… well, not all, but for several seasons.
How That Second Breakup Was A Game-Changer
If you’ve seen Friends, you know all of the above. But I felt it necessary to recap some of the bullet points of this particular area of Ross and Rachel’s timeline so that I can get into why that second breakup was a game-changer. Instead of being conflicted and emotionally on edge around each other, Ross and Rachel were comically at odds with one another, and it’s exactly what everyone needed (including the audience).
If the first breakup fractured the dynamic of the group and began to heal in a really sad nothing-will-ever-be-the-same kind of way for everyone, the second re-broke the situation and allowed it to heal in a new way, one where Ross and Rachel were no longer in love with one another but also able to be exes around each other without sadness, anger or awkwardness.
What’s more, and this really is a credit to Jennifer Aniston and David Schwimmer (and the rest of the Friends cast) as much as it is to the writers, their new dynamic was funny. After the whole fight about the note, things settled in for Ross and Rachel as exes who wanted to poke at each other just to get a reaction, but there was no real venom behind it. So they could exist around each other without so much hurt and awkwardness, and we could laugh and enjoy their chemistry without feeling sad that the romantic part was seemingly over.
Most importantly, Ross and Rachel could be among the rest of the group and things were ok. The elephant had left the room, for the most part, and Friends was free to move forward into Season 4 with new story arcs and character dynamics that didn’t need to incorporate Ross and Rachel’s breakup, unless it was for a joke.
There are a lot of things about Friends that I’ve come to appreciate even more since the show originally aired. The way the series took chances and found ways to evolve the group without drifting too far away from what we know and love about it is just one part of its brilliance.
The emotional tension couldn’t last forever between Ross and Rachel after that first breakup, but it was hard to see the characters making a full recovery as things were. I suppose the writers could’ve fizzled out the sadness and hurt and tried to let Ross and Rachel move on as acquaintances, but they managed to create a funny way to let the air out of that whole situation and rebuild their dynamic, essentially by having them re-break-up under different conditions. The end result kept the group together and allowed us to continue to love both characters separately, while also hoping they’d one day find a way back to one another.
You can watch Friends in its entirety on one of the best streaming services available, Max. If you’re a fan of the series, you may want to check-out the Friends-themed game show, Fast Friends, which is now streaming.
