Whether it was Late Night or The Late Show, David Letterman had one of the best talk show bits in the history of the medium with his recurring Top 10 lists. Over the years, the legendary TV host touched on topics ranging from “words that almost rhyme with peas” to Tom Cruise internet stories to things celebrities always wanted to say to him before ending his run in 2015.
And while we would love to share the hundreds of lists Dave shared over the years, we thought for the sake of everyone’s time we would keep this relatively short and sweet with 32 ridiculous things David Letter did a Top 10 about. That said, it’s a diverse and outrageously funny list…
Top 10 Words That Almost Rhyme With Peas
David Letterman started making lists way back in September 1985 when he provided Late Night views with “10 Words That Almost Rhyme with Peas.” Little did anyone know at the time, but Dave’s rundown of words like heats, rice, ice, nurse, and meats would be the start of a long tradition that would be a staple of his shows for the next 20 years.
Top 10 Ways The New Show Will Be Better
The Top 10 bit moved to CBS with David Letterman when he became the host of The Late Show in August 1993. Just months after his NBC departure and infamous feud with Jay Leno, Letterman poked fun at everything in this hilarious moment. While “A whole new wardrobe for Vanna!” earned the top spot, the new “Rappin’ Dave” character, and the G.E. jokes line were just as great.
The Beach Boys Sing David Letterman’s Numbers From His First Year On The Late Show
Though this one feels like a clip show from the first year of The Late Show, David Letterman found a way to make it stand out by including the Beach Boys singing the numbers between each joke. Hilarious, memorable, and random as random can be, this great look at Dave’s first year away from NBC was full of all kinds of wonderful moments.
Top 10 Craziest Things People Say About Tom Cruise On The Internet
There are so many wild stories about Tom Cruise on the internet. Some are true, some not so much. Back in December 2008, the Mission: Impossible and Top Gun star got in on the fun when he helped David Letterman with “The Top 10 things people say about Tom Cruise on the internet.” Cruise didn’t hold back and included jokes about everything from his views on mental illness to the couch incident to his ego. Nothing was off limits.
Top 10 California Names
In 1996, The Late Show with David Letterman went on the road and made a stop in San Francisco. During his unforgettable episode, Dave came up with a list of the Top 10 California names, and it didn’t disappoint. Some of these names are straight-up bonkers and hard to believe. But each person did include their driver’s license photo.
Top 10 Messages On Alex Rodriguez’s Answering Machine
After Alex Rodriguez’s steroid scandal, the New York Yankee found himself being the butt of countless jokes for weeks, if not months, on end. David Letterman got in on the fun with “Messages Left on Alex Rodriguez’s Answering Machine,” which included lines about Madonna, Michael Phelps, Mark McGwire, and other celebrities who had stood trial in the court of public opinion.
Top 10 Hockey Player Pick-Up Lines
The Late Show with David Letterman had a series of Top 10 lists involving pick-up lines, and the funniest has to go to the group of hockey players looking for dates. With lines like “My Zamboni or yours,” jokes about pucks, and plays on famous hockey players’ names, there was enough to earn a seat in the penalty box.
Words That Sound Creepy When Said By John Malkovich
There’s something so off-putting about John Malkovich’s line delivery in movies like Con Air and In the Line of Fire, which is what made this Top 10 so much fun. Appearing on The Late Show with David Letterman, the classically-trained actor brought the ick to CBS.
Casey Kasem’s Top 10 Numbers
Years before his passing in 2014, Casey Kasem appeared on The Late Show with David Letterman to share his favorite numbers. This hilarious, ridiculous, and downright preposterous bit was the kind of stuff that made the CBS show so much fun. And if you thought one was Kasem’s favorite number, you would be wrong. Very, very wrong.
Top 10 Things Celebrities Have Always Wanted To Say To Dave
The Late Show with David Letterman had one killer final run of guests back in 2015, and it all culminated with a star-studded “Top 10” during the series finale. “Top 10 things celebrities have always wanted to say to Dave” featured Chris Rock, Bill Murray, Steve Martin, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, and so many others getting one last dig at their old friend.
Top 10 Things You Don’t Want To Hear From A Lifeguard
Back in the early days of The Late Show with David Letterman, Dave had some wild Top 10 segments, like the one involving a lifeguard sharing comments no one would want to hear from him. This included everything from “Shark!” to “If the water’s a little warmer around here, it’s my fault.”
Top 10 Things Never Sung By A Gospel Choir
A full gospel choir does make everything sound better, or at least that’s what David Letterman was trying to prove on The Late Show. When this talented ensemble of singers took to the stage, they made things like “Oh my God, they killed Kenny,” “Dave’s Insane,” and “Lather, rinse, repeat, lather, rinse, repeat” sound like songs from the heavens.
Top 10 Things That Make Bob Barker Angry
The late Bob Barker, who passed away in 2023 at the age of 99, made an iconic appearance on The Late Show with David Letterman a The Price is Right themed Top 10 list. Items included “Losers who guess that the price of a toaster is $50,000,” “Recent allegations that game shows are fixed,” and “Recent allegations that I’m fixed.”
Top 10 Things You Don’t Want To Hear From A Gas Station Attendant
Another great Top 10 moment came in the early days of The Late Show with David Letterman when the host gave viewers “Things you don’t want to hear from a gas station attendant.” These included some wild remarks like “Regular, premium, or ranch flavor,” and “This is my car! You stole my car!”
Alex Trebek’s Top 10 Rejected Jeopardy Categories
The world lost a good one in 2020 when Alex Trebek passed away at the age of 80. Years before his passing, the Jeopardy host shared some hilarious rejected categories from the iconic quiz show. Sections like “Guys I, Alex Trebek, have beat the crap out of,” and “Gap-toothed freaks,” and “Exciting shows on at the same time as Jeopardy” were just too good.
Reasons Larry David Did Not Win An Emmy
Larry David never won an Emmy for his work on Curb Your Enthusiasm, and he had a fun time joking about it on The Late Show with David Letterman back in 2006. David, very much on-brand, had responses like “I don’t know and, frankly, I don’t care,” and “Hey, at least I didn’t lose to Barry Manilow.”
Top 10 Rejected Sean Connery Movie Lines
Sean Connery died in 2020, leaving behind an untouchable legacy. And one of the funniest moments of his career took place on The Late Show with David Letterman when he shared rejected movie lines like “The name’s McDonald. Ronald McDonald,” and “Dr. No, Dr. Kevorkian. Dr. Kevorkian, Dr. No.”
Top 10 Words That Sound Romantic When Spoken By Barry White
Barry White could make anything sound cool, and that’s probably why David Letterman invited the late singer to provide a Top 10 list back in the day. Could anyone make “Jazzercise” or “Oprah” sound so romantic?
James Earl Jones’ Top 10 Things That Sound Cool
No one had a voice like James Earl Jones, the late actor behind characters like Darth Vader, Mufasa, and Terence Mann. Back in the day, David Letterman had him on to read 10 things that sounded cool with his voice, including “Pinhead,” “Heebie-jeebies,” and “Oprah.”
Top 10 Good Things About Having The Same Name As A President
No surprise here, but there are a lot of people out there who share names with former United States presidents. Well, several appeared on The Late Show with David Letterman to share why it’s not such a bad thing. And with comments like “It’s fun to buy rounds for everyone and send the tab to the White House,” and “I’m named after the guy who actually, I’d never heard of him until today” it’s easy to see these guys had a sense of humor.
Top 10 Things Every New York City Tourist Needs To Know
In 2004, David Letterman invited a group of tourists to share some much-needed advice regarding trips to New York City. Going one by one, the visitors shared lessons like “A cab from JFK to Midtown should run you about $600,” and “If your car is towed, it’s cheaper to buy a brand-new one than to pay the fines” to a great number of laughs.
Top 10 Things You Don’t Want To Hear From The Guy At Starbucks
Sometimes, a Starbucks barista getting your name wrong can seem like the worst thing that could happen in a coffee shop, but a Top 10 list on The Late Show proved that wrong with comments like “Let me make sure that’s not too hot,” and “Some whipped cream for you… and some whipped cream for me.”
Reasons I, Homer Simpson, Am Proud To Be An American
Homer Simpson was on The Late Show with David Letterman more than pretty much any animated character in history. Back in the day, the family patriarch popped in to say why he was proud to be an American with reasons like “Warning signs on cups tell you hot things are hot,” and “Even a dumb guy can have his own show.”
James Earl Jones’ Top 10 Effects Of Y2K
Remember all the insanity surrounding the Y2K bug back in 1999? Well, The Late Show with David Letterman got in on the fun with the help of James Earl Jones, who shared scenarios like “Stuff’s gonna ‘splode,” and “Kraft Macaroni & Cheese will become even cheesier.”
Don Rickles’ Top 10 Insults For Dave Letterman
The legendary Don Rickles died in 2017, leaving behind a legacy that included everything from the Toy Story franchise to movies like Casino. Back in the day, Rickles joined The Late Show with David Letterman to share signature insults like ‘Letterman, let’s face it – you put the ‘suck’ in success,” and “Don’t look now, but something died on your head.”
Things Jim Carrey Will Always Say Yes To
Jim Carrey and Larry King in a tub? That sounds like some kind of nightmare, right? Well, it was a real situation on The Late Show with David Letterman when the Hollywood funnyman was asked to share his Top 10 things he’d always say yes to, including “Tub Time with Larry King,” and “Lucrative endorsement deals: remember, you’re not fully clean unless you’re zestfully clean.”
Reasons It Took Dale Earnhardt 20 Years To Win The Daytona 500
The late, great Dale Earnhardt finally won the Daytona 500 back in 1998, and one of his rewards was appearing on The Late Show with David Letterman. Wearing a leather jacket and his signature mustache, the NASCAR legend gave reasons for taking so long like “This year, whenever I passed somebody, I gave them the finger,” and “Who cares if it took 20 years - at least my name's not Dick Trickle.”
Top 10 Things Mick Jagger Learned After 50 Years In Rock N’ Roll
Legendary rocker Mick Jagger came on The Late Show with David Letterman to share some of the best things he had learned after 50 years in rock n’ roll. Words of wisdom like “Song royalties are great, but even they can’t match the guaranteed cash flow from a reverse mortgage,” and “You can’t always get what you want – like a good joke on the Top 10 list” made it an unforgettable night.
Rodney Dangerfield’s Top 10 Things He Likes To Do
Rodney Dangerfield was one of many legendary comedians to show up on The Late Show with David Letterman over the years. His appearance included a walkthrough of his favorite things to do, which included “Sing the ‘Star Spangled Banner’ at street fights,” and “Tell people who work with fertilizer – ‘Have a nice day!’”
Eminem’s Top 10 Pieces Of Advice For Kids
Eminem probably isn’t the first person you’d want giving advice to your kids, but that’s what made his appearance on The Late Show such a treat. How could you not like words of wisdom like “If I sign something for you, and I see it on eBay, when you go home, I’m gonna be under your bed,” and “Don’t waste your time watching this show”?
Top 10 Signs You’re A Lame Superhero
David Letterman poked fun at some of the lesser superheroes on The Late Show during its run, including the night he provided tell-tale signs like “Your signature catchphrase is ‘Please don’t hurt me,’” and “Can only fight crime until 10 p.m., then mom wants you home.”
Top 10 Things Never Before Said By A Star Wars Character
One night, David Letterman brought out all kinds of Star Wars characters to make statements they never said before. This included some bangers like “I once used the force to open a jar of Vlassic kosher pickles,” and “The only people more powerful than I are Emperor Palpatine and Oprah.”
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