As one of television's most present and visible entertainers right now, Steve Harvey is well aware of how many millions of eyeballs are on him at any given time. And so it only makes sense that he has increasingly become something of a fashion icon as of late, proving time and again that he can pull off just about any look with pizazz and swagger to spare. As if we needed any further proof, the oft-impersonated Family Feud frontman shared a few shots from his latest photo shoot for Paste Magazine, and it’s impossible to put a cork on all the thoughts that immediately spring to mind.
Let’s go through Steve Harvey’s pitch-perfect new images one by one, with each complemented by the three things that first popped into my brain after it fully grasped what was on display. Just be sure to cover any mirrors that are in the immediate vicinity, as no one should have to be shamed by their own appearance just because Harvey is looking so gawsh-damn dapper.
1. Steve Harvey Is Wearing A Mobius Strip
Okay, so I know this isn't really the case, since those can’t logically exist in three dimensions. But the fact that this outfit doesn’t feature a “sleeve” so much as a “void,” makes it hard for my brain to grasp how any clothes work. Plus, if anyone could pull off wearing an impossible shape, it’s Steve Harvey.
2. Steve Harvey Looks Like A Ziggy Stardust Villain
If astronauts exited a spacecraft on Mars and the first non-rock thing they caught sight of was Steve Harvey in this red get-up, I don’t think the reaction would be any more extreme than if someone would run into Harvey looking like this on Earth. Or even if he’s not quite flamboyant and sparkly enough to rival David Bowie’s alter ego, maybe he could at least be Black George Jetson in whatever live-action Jetsons reboot is being worked on.
3. Needs Matching Socks
Maybe I’m wrong, but it doesn’t look like Steve Harvey is wearing any socks beneath those blinding white pants. That’s all fine and dandy as a choice, but I think we can all agree this look would be truly completed if he was also wearing cherry-red socks, possibly only on one foot, in order to match the asymmetrical look. Wait, what do you mean NO ONE else agrees?
4. Family Feud Needs A Mobster-Heavy Spinoff
I wouldn't say this would be for any sort of TV purposes, since Family Feud: Mafia would be targeted towards a highly specific demographic. But rather so there's a platform for Steve Harvey to pull off this pic's two-coat-and-sunglasses look for TV audiences on a regular basis. And maybe we can bring former hosts like Richard Karn back for this spinoff, too, just to see what that looks like.
5. I Kind Of Need To Feel Every Single Texture In That Room
As much as I'd like to just remain wowed by Steve Harvey in and of himself, my brain needs little prodding to quickly revert to fantasizing about running my fingertips over the myriad textures within that perfectly decorated room. From the wavy wall patterns to the rug's hard angles to the table wood to Harvey's fur to the dog's fur to the chair, it's all so inviting. And if that Richard Pryor piece on the wall isn't behind glass for some reason, I'm touching that, too.
6. I Don't Deserve That Amazing Chair
I don't know how expensive this gorgeous brown spinner of a chair is, but it doesn't even matter that I probably can't afford it while simultaneously keeping my children nourished for multiple days in a row. The fact that Harvey looks this [fictional Italian slang for "exquisite"] is automatic proof that I do not deserve this chair, and would besmirch the manufacturer's reputation by having my rear end hover anywhere near it.
7. Everything Looks Like It Was Photoshopped In 2002, Yet Still Rocks So Hard
I would have zero trouble believing that every visual element within this picture came from a different photo, down to the various layers of Steve Harvey's smashing outfit. I would also have zero trouble believing that Harvey has the power to walk on water, or that this is the prototype for a new pool decoration that he's marketing.
8. Steve Harvey Probably Isn't Wearing Two Gloves
This image seems to be following in the footsteps (sleeve-steps?) of the first image, in that Harvey is only worried about one of his arms being adorned with additional clothing, while the other is left to its own devices. In this case, said arm is also fitted with a sparkly glove that, for better or worse, looks like the Everything Bagel version of Thanos' Gauntlet. It's a very, very particular choice, and I can't help but assume that he is not wearing the same kind of glove on his other hand, as I don't think his instinct would be to cover it up. I also don't think it would bit into most pockets without creating some form of fabric havoc.
9. Steve Harvey Probably Owns Color-Changing Suits
It's obviously no mere coincidence that Harvey's outfit matches up so well with his surroundings. And while that is more than likely due to the magic of editing software, I'd like to believe it's because the TV host owns a suit that can turn the color of "backyard pool water" at a moment's notice. Or any other color imaginable under the sun. Possibly made from bioengineered chameleon skin. Am I the only one who thinks Harvey has a secret lab beneath his home filled with fashion scientists and their experiments?
I can't wait to see what new looks Steve Harvey decides to pull off next. Because he's clearly going to pull it off without issue.
Fans can watch the entertainer styling it up in the courtroom on Judge Steve Harvey every Tuesday night on ABC at 8:00 p.m. ET. Keep an eye on our 2022 TV premiere schedule to see when and where other new shows will be popping up soon!
