It was obvious from the start that The Golden Bachelor was going to be a show unlike anything Bachelor Nation had ever seen when much of Gerry Turner’s introduction centered around his late wife, Toni, who was married to Gerry for 43 years before her death in 2017. A framed photo of her was prominent as he got ready for his big first night, sending the message that Toni was very much still a part of this journey. With many of those featured on the show also experiencing loss, it’s been powerful to watch them find comfort in each other and navigate the complicated emotions of feeling love again.
Grief and loss aren’t common topics to discuss on primetime television — they’re especially rare on reality dating shows — but what’s happening on The Golden Bachelor is something special, as we’re seeing the good memories of wedding days and even sex discussed in the same breath as death and loneliness. I can only hope that there’s healing for these seniors as they share their feelings with others who have had similar experiences. Below are a few of the powerful ways grief and loss have been addressed this season.
I Was Moved At How Theresa's Story Changed Gerry's Perspective On Loss
If Gerry Turner sharing the story in the series premiere about how he lost his wife didn’t telegraph how central grief would be to The Golden Bachelor, his first one-on-one date sure did. He and Theresa Nist got to know each other over burgers and a milkshake, quickly realizing how similar their stories were. Theresa, like Gerry, was married to her high school sweetheart for over 40 years before he died. “Loss of a spouse is the worst thing,” he told her. However, I was surprised that in addition to feeling her sorrow, Gerry found validation for his pain, as he said:
Theresa’s story was so similar to mine. All of a sudden, my emotion about my loss, just looking at her and listening, felt just a little different. I didn’t feel like breaking down and crying for once. I felt like I was talking to someone that understood the loss of a spouse.
It was amazing to see how one conversation changed his perspective on his grief and felt less alone. The couple bonded further over just wanting someone to share the simple pleasures of life with, so it’s no surprise to me that a strong bond was formed on that date that led to Theresa Nist being one of Gerry Turner’s final two.
Nancy's Emotional Wedding Dress Moment Ignited A Profound Conversation With Gerry
Dress-up dates are nothing new to The Bachelor franchise, so it’s possible nobody expected that having a few of the contestants adorn wedding dresses for a photo shoot would evoke strong memories of their past relationships. Nancy Hulkower certainly was caught off-guard when emotions of her wedding more than 30 years earlier came flooding back, inspring quite the profound conversation with Gerry. She said:
I haven’t had a wedding dress on for, gosh, 36 years. And it was when I married the love of my life. And I was like, this evokes and brings up so many emotions that were all good. I was lucky to have my husband. I was lucky. He’s the father of my three children. But just having on a wedding dress, I don’t know, it was overwhelming.
What struck me most about this interaction was that she wasn't overcome just by the loss of her husband. She was overwhelmed with happy memories and how lucky she'd been to have him. Ellen wasn't the only one experiencing the complexities of this process, either.
I Loved How Gerry And Ellen Portrayed The Pain Of Falling In Love Again After A Loss
Falling in love can be a magical thing, but for those who had lost loved ones in death or — in Ellen Goltzer’s case — divorce, there’s a lot more to it. Ellen said as much to Gerry Turner following their big pickleball date, and I was surprised when she straight-up told him that feeling those long-dormant emotions was painful. She told him:
I’m falling in love with you, Gerry, and it’s really hard.
I think it’s fairly typical for people of any age to be scared about getting vulnerable with someone in a relationship, but this made me realize how truly bittersweet it is to fall in love again after loss. Gerry Turner understood completely, though, and he cried as he recalled:
To hear her say the things she just did, she makes me think back to the last time that someone looked at me like that and said those things to me. The last time that happened was with my wife of 43 years. And when I lost Toni, and I thought the world ended, I never thought I would see it again. And yet I am. I’m seeing it and feeling it.
Somehow, the vibe of The Golden Bachelor is wholesome and tragic and hopeful all at the same time.
Theresa’s Daughter Speaking About What Her Mom’s Relationship Meant For Her Father’s Memory Was Heartbreaking Yet Hopeful
While stories about former spouses were sprinkled throughout the season, I was personally touched by what we saw during Hometown dates that gave viewers a whole new perspective on just how a big a deal this was. For Theresa Nist, It wasn’t just that she was dating again, it was new for her daughter Jen to see her mom with someone who wasn’t her dad. Jen became emotional as she threw her support behind her mom’s new relationship, saying:
Here they are with the chance to do this again, like in a whole different way, though. Like, you know, it’s not replacing the spouses that they had, for sure, ‘cause you can’t, you know? [Crying] And it doesn’t really feel that weird for some reason. Like it doesn’t change how much, like, love we have for my dad, you know?
I love that Jen talked about her dad on The Golden Bachelor, and I'm sure there are members of Bachelor Nation who related to the struggles of seeing their parents start dating again. She gave a voice to all of those people when she pointed out that her mom's new love wouldn't take away from what her parents had shared.
I Was Moved By Ellen’s Story Of Her Friend Roberta, Which Highlighted The Strength And Importance Of Having Girlfriends
It wasn’t just loss of family tackled on The Golden Bachelor. Back on Night 1, when Ellen Goltzer stepped out of the limo, she raised her hands to the sky and shouted, “Roberta, we made it!” I didn't expect to become so emotionally invested in Roberta, but in a season that highlighted women's friendships as much as anything, it makes complete sense in hindsight.
Ellen’s friend of 60 years had convinced her to apply for the show before learning that she had Stage 4 cancer. Viewers would find out at the end of that first episode that Roberta Zaktzer had passed away before they had a chance to watch the premiere together, and Ellen Goltzer had everyone in tears at the “Women Tell All,” as she recalled how her friend had tried to hold on long enough to see her on TV. She said:
When I got back from filming and everything, [Roberta] was in a semicoma state, and I knew that she was suffering. And I knew that she was staying with me so we could share that. I finally said to her, ‘I don’t want you to suffer anymore. I want you to go. It’s OK. We’re gonna watch the show, just from different places. Together.’
The first season of The Golden Bachelor was dedicated to Roberta's memory, a fitting move to highlight the strength of friendship in a season that addressed grief in groundbreaking and powerful ways. Everyone on this initial season undoubtedly touched people at home in similar circumstances, and their courage to be so vulnerable should be celebrated. The Golden Bachelor has allowed people in their golden years to feel seen, it’s given hope to seniors that love can happen at any age, and hopefully people who are grieving have been able to see that they are not alone.
