It's amazing that The Simpsons has managed to maintain its core cast together since 1989, through past pay disputes and in-flux ratings and the occasional passing of cast members like Marcia WallacePhil Hartman. Rarely have the show's actors opted for retirement, but such is the case for longtime voice actress Pamela Hayden, who brought to life beloved characters such as Milhouse Van Houten, Jimbo Jones, and Rod Flanders, among many others.
The Simpsons announced Hayden's retirement plans along with the update that fans will hear her final on-screen performance when the second "Treehouse of Horror" episode hits the 2024 TV schedule on November 24. It sounds like we won't be hearing from any of her characters for the rest of the current season, also, as it's noted the hunt is on for a replacement vocal performer.
While we're definitely going to miss every single one of her major characters and unique deliveries as one-timers such as "Woman Paying for Plow Service" and "No Homers Club Leader," I think most would agree her bespectacled beta-nerd Milhouse is the best of the bunch. So let's take a look back at what aren't just some of the character's best quotes, but the ones that I'll no doubt continue to keep repeating for years to come.
"Everything's coming up Milhouse!"
The ultimate underachiever slogan, and in a show that actually had a catchphrase with the word "underachiever" in it. One doesn't need to have successfully avoided moistening one's bone-dry calves with clothing choices that are only appreciated in hindsight, but it certainly helps.
"So this is what it feels like when doves cry."
If I ever met what appeared to be my doppelgänger, and made up my mind to dislike this "other," and then found out that we shared the same name, I don't know that I would instinctively paraphrase a Prince classic. But why DO we scream at each other?
"I think she's hot! Sorry, it just slipped out."
All Milhouse wanted to do was show off his snazzy new earring, and Bart had to go and cause him to make the most uncomfortable Freudian slip a pre-teen can make to his BFF. It's as relatable as, say, telling a stranger or your worst enemy that you think their mom is hot. Thank goodness we're saved by the bus!
"I wasn't scared. I was just peeing."
Nobody likes to get called out for what may or may not be a truly embarrassing act, but there are usually ways to defend such behavior that don't involve professing a habit of wetting one's pants for pleasure, not panic. Just don't go believing Milhouse is scared of Harry Potter, because he's NOT.
"Uhh. My shirt fell off."
Posing shirtless for pics definitely isn't the worst thing that can happen in a photo booth, unelss you're the person who's caught doing it. And so when life hands you those kinds of lemons, it's easiest to squirt lemon juice into the eyes of onlookers and bear claim to having a tempermental shirt that just won't stay on.
"But my mom says I'm cool."
This line is a perfect retort to any kind of downer message, from Mr. Burns repeating his specific "No geeks" rule to a boss firing you to a fast food employee telling you their ice cream machine is broken. Extra cool points if you happen to be wearing a tiny tuxedo at the time.
"And the winner of the Milhouse 500 is... Milhouse!"
Sometimes in life we just need a self-congratulatory win, no matter how we have to come around to getting it. Even if it involves a 500 lap race without any opponents. We're all kind of the pit crew in the Milhouse 500, are we not?
"Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? Why. Did. I. Have. The. Bowl?"
An example of hilarious Simpsons logic on par with Homer's "yes, once," response to Hank Scorpio's shoe question, Milhouse references a past incident involving Bart gaslighting him about not having a goldfish after Santa's Little Helper ate it. The fact that he waited until that moment to bring up the most damning evidence is hilarious, and is the perfect thing to say to a friend caught in a lie, especially if they happen to have a live goldfish in their mouth.
"We're through the looking glass here, people."
I may never give a chalkboarded conspiracy theory pep talk about the Rand corporation working with reverse vampires trying to eliminate dinner, but anytime I do explain something that's even slightly more complicated than A-B-C, nothing makes it sound more dramatic than a looking glass reference.
Maybe one day we'll circle back around to round up all the best Jimbo Jones quotes that still crop up on a daily basis, but for now, we tip our hats and remove our glasses in honor of Pamela Hayden's decades of hilarity and two-dimensional wisdom. Revisit her entire Simpsons career with a Disney+ subscription.
