The White Lotus Season 3's Too-Real Female Friendship Dynamic Has Me Totally Stressed Out, And I Need To Talk About It

SPOILERS are ahead for The White Lotus Season 3’s first four episodes, now streaming for those with a Max subscription.

Real talk: one of the reasons I think I love The White Lotus so much is how unrelatable so many of the characters are to me. While I of course love a series that explores the kind of problems I deal with in my own life, there’s something especially beautifully escapist about watching these incredibly wealthy people have an absolutely bonkers vacation at a luxury resort that I don’t think I’d ever stay at – unless I won the lottery, I guess? Not to say I’ve never related to a single plot in The White Lotus before (I mean rich people are just like us, right?) and there are always characters Mike White has on the show that kind of serve as the everyman – which very much feels like Natasha Rothwell’s return as Belinda this season), but, I really wasn’t expecting to relate to one plotline.

It's the trio of women this season. This one is hitting harder than usual, and I need to discuss.

Alright, The White Lotus Friend’s Trip Plotline Is Stressing Me Out So Hard

There’s a lot going on right now in The White Lotus as we find ourselves halfway through the season. We finally know why Walton Goggins’ Rick is at the resort, and we’re still boiling over the return of Greg Hunt after Tanya’s death, and what it will mean for Belinda’s safety. But, weirdly enough, I find the friendship dynamic between these ladies to be the most nailbiting.

You know what I’m talking about. Michelle Monaghan plays a famous TV actress named Jaclyn Lemon who is with her longtime girlfriends vacationing in Thailand. Leslie Bibb plays Kate Bohr, who’s currently something of a country club wife who lives in Austin, Texas, whereas Carrie Coon plays Laurie Duffy, a corporate lawyer and recent divorcée who lives in New York. These three haven’t seen each other in forever, and spend conversation after conversation seemingly having pleasant exchanges, but it's obvious to any viewer that they are more so showboating and judging each other, and it honestly makes me sick to watch.

I Definitely Wasn’t Expecting To Relate To These Passive Aggressive Friends, But Here I Am, I Guess

The element of the relationship that is bothering me the most is how they speak to and about each other. The truth is, these passive aggressive women aren’t only representing how affluent white women in their 40s talk to and about each other, but what I’ve seen across the board my entire life. And it’s the kind of thing I currently run so far away from whenever I start to notice it sinking into relationships I'm part of. From conversations I’ve had within my own friendships with women or ones that I observe outside myself, this show is allowing me to reflect on a more common dynamic than we don't give women enough credit for.

Whether it's a tinge of negativity in response to someone reporting an impressive life update, or a silent takedown when one is threatened by a new friend, it’s an omnipresent part of the female experience we don’t put a mirror to enough. The topic has obviously been portrayed in movies and TV before, but it usually fits into one extreme of the friends being ridiculously toxic to each other or being all-time besties. Sure, there’s a heightened satire to the relationship being presented as they converse, but I wasn’t ready to start reflecting on my own friendships after watching.

When Laurie Tapped Against The Glass After Kate And Jaclyn’s Conversation, I Felt That

Chiefly, I could relate to the many times where I’ve been in group settings, and then had smaller conversations about someone else talking about how another common friend was acting down the line. It’s so cringey to see it happen in the context of a TV show’s dialogue, especially having lived it prior.

Perhaps, the perfect example happens at the beginning in Episode 2 when Jaclyn and Kate start talking about Laurie in their suite while she’s elsewhere. While they start their discussion with talking about all these positives about her, it quickly turns into them gossiping about her divorce, family and work life. When you look at the conversation, the two women are basically comparing facts they know about Laurie, passing judgments about her and discussing her perceived failures in relation to their own life choices. Then, Kate says “no wonder she looks tired” after saying she looks “great” just a few minutes prior at the top of the conversation.

Their talk is interrupted by Laurie tapping on the glass to come into the room, which leads both of the other women to suddenly shower her with compliments and kind of playfully fight over her… as if they weren’t just talking behind her back. I’ve since gone about my life and reflected about how much women regularly do this to each other, even when it’s not our intention to be malicious. Why do we feel the need to be in competition with one another, both in the context of our own friendships and in relating our lives to theirs?

Their Toxic Dynamics Show The Dark Side Of Female Friendships

Or, there’s the conversation Jaclyn has with the older women at the pool. Instead of enjoying their company, she cannot stand being associated in the same space as people who are older than her because it makes her confront that she’s not young anymore. The friends could have technically gone anywhere and had a good time, but because they are so caught up in appearances and comparison, they find themselves hanging out with much younger men at a bar. Their vacation isn’t about their actual friendship at this point at all, but proving to the others they are doing better.

What’s sad is these women were on a solo vacation in Thailand, they probably would have a better time because they wouldn’t be concerned with whether they are seen at a pool full of older women, or how their body scan stacks up. No wonder solo travel is so popular nowadays.

There’s Years Of Boiled Up Emotions Between These Three, And I’m Scared To See What Happens Next

While there’s literally murder at stake in the new season, I find myself at the edge of my seat over this trio of friends. I really hope the season ends with them having a moment where they realize how they are treating each other and break the barrier and truly have a good time, but I have a feeling things are going to really come to a head after all that backtalking and passive aggressive speech.

Mike White and the writers did an incredible job of bringing this facet of dynamics women can fall into to light in The White Lotus, and I cannot wait to see what’s next for the plotline.