It’s usually good practice never to judge a book by its cover, metaphorically and literally, but sometimes it’s perfectly acceptable to pass such judgment based on a name. That definitely goes for TV shows as much as anything, with lists of the greatest of all time are populated mostly with traditional, down-the-line titles, with some clever gems in the mix.
On the grass-isn’t-greener side, however, there exist a host of TV properties whose names are so awkward, misguided, or downright terrible that it’s a wonder droves of people allowed them to go from concept to finished product without a drastic title change.
H8R
The concept here seems coherent enough: famously derisive celebrities have face-to-face experiences with their biggest naysayers. But not even host Mario Lopez’s ageless dimples should have sold anyone on the SMS-specific title H8R.
Two Guys, A Girl And A Pizza Place
A prime example of a great '90s comedy that inspires viewers to completely give up saying the whole thing before finishing — but not in a way that leads to any nifty abbreviations or acronyms — Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place is the rare series that actually altered its official title after two seasons to Two Guys and a Girl. Which is somehow exactly the same amount of terrible without going all-in on the kitschiness.
S#*! My Dad Says
Anytime TV shows try for names with screwball punctuation, it's annoying. This adaptation of Justin Halpern's social media feed-turned-book kept the censored swear word approach that works well enough in print, but was more or less impossible for anyone to talk about without first hesitating and checking to see if kids are around.
Jake and the Fatman
Looking beyond the body-shaming element of this ‘80s crime drama title, I get hung up on William Conrad’s D.A. J.L. McCabe having the nickname “Fatman” as one word instead of two, and yet the title isn’t Jake and Fatman. Nobody’s calling him “THE Fatman.” How is there a break in logic within just these four words?
VR.5
One title trend that got old immediately was adding "2.0" to any kind of product's remake or upgrade, but I at least understand it. Why Fox's virtual reality-centered thriller added a decimal point in between an abbreviation and a number is beyond me, though, and I can think of at least 3.5 conversations that should have led to a better title than VR.5.
It's Like...You Know
ABC's It's Like...You Know seemed immediately destined to end up in a DVD box set of shows named after cringe-worthy phrases with minuscule shelf lives along with the (fictional) projects That Just Happened and Sure Thing. Not! Can you imagine how much combined time could have been saved if we removed all the pauses people had to take during that needless ellipsis?
Ultimate Coyote Ugly Search
This is a spinoff title that should come only after a handful of competition series of lesser importance, such as Not Overly Impressive Coyote Ugly Search, Middling Example Coyote Ugly Search, and Excellent Coyote Ugly Search But With Mild Limitations before any could really earn the distinction of being the Ultimate Coyote Ugly Search. Also, "ugly search" rolls off the tongue like a square tire.
Haggis Baggis
TV Title Rule #39: If your show name instantly brings to mind Scottish dishes made from sheep organs, please try again. And if it absolutely necessarily has to, then at least don't have the second word rhyme with the first, making it sound like a rejected James Bond villain.
2ge+her
MTV's boy band satirical TV movie and episodic spinoff 2ge+her gets its name from the core fictional group, and I appreciate it being purposefully bad. But when the joke maybe isn't funny enough to justify applying for copyrights, that's a sign to go with a different name. For what it's worth, the more simply stylized title 2Gether inspires 50% fewer eye twitches, but there are other alts, 2GE+HER or 2Ge+Her, where the twitches don't stop.
How To Live With Your Parents (For The Rest of Your Life)
This shortlived 2013 series sounds like the opposite of a self-help book, and one that I'd happily leave on the shelf. It does work well for sitcom plotting, but by the time you're finished saying it, it's the end credits.
Episodes
Big picture, I can understand that Episodes is not the most sinfully dreadful moniker. But there's something that I don't think David Crane and Jeffrey Klarik were thinking about when they created this Friends follow-up for Matt LeBlanc: I shouldn’t have to live in a world where “the latest episode of Episodes” exists as a phrase. It's like a novel called Chapter of the Book. "Did you read the latest chapter of the book Chapter of the Book?"
Gay, Straight, Or Taken
I'd be willing to give this reality dating-ish show a lot more credit if the three choices in the midst of the title were all on a similar circuit of competing concepts. But being "taken" isn't on the same scale as being gay or straight. Not even if we're talking about the Liam Neeson movie franchise. I guess the name Gay or Straight? Additionally, Single or Taken is more cumbersome, but at least it keeps with logic.
Wild West C.O.W. Boys Of Moo Mesa
A forgotten Saturday morning cartoon series inspired by the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' popularity, but with a less successfully descriptive title, Wild West C.O.W. Boys of Moo Mesa boasts a mess of a name. "Wild West Cowboys" is redundant, while the fictional location of Moo Mesa doesn't mean anything to newcomers. And the acronym just confuses things further, especially after learning that "C.O.W." stands for "Code of the West." (Everything is more or less forgiven thanks to the character name Warden Gordon Boredon.)
Canada's Worst Handyman
As a concept, I'll never fully understand the pleasure of watching people do tasks they aren't proficient at. But even within that limited avenue of programming that seems like it MIGHT be entertaining, I'm not sure determining Canada's Worst Handyman would ever rank above anything else. Maybe Lithuania's Worst Contrabassonist.
Scott Baio Is 45...And Single
Even if I cared about Scott Baio's romantic life with all of my heart, that wouldn't outweigh the part of me that thinks TV series should be titled in a way that isn't irrelevant as fact a year later. We'll even set aside ellipsis complaints here just to focus on how dumb an exchange it would be to say, "Scott Baio Is 45 ," and have someone say, "No, he isn't," and then respond with, "No, the TV show." Terrible way to spend a day, that.
Hairy Bikers
For a show about motorcyclists with follicles whipping in the wind, Hairy Bikers is on point. For a show about two dudes messing with food, Hairy Bikers tests the limits of my gag reflex. Si King and Dave Myers are great, to be sure, but if I'm an alien who lands here and has just picked up the English language, I'm never giving them the time of day thanks to that name.
Platypus Man
During the height of stand-up comedian Richard Jeni's popularity in the early 1990s, he landed his own sitcom on UPN that was based on his 1992 HBO special that was also called Platypus Man. Two big mistakes here. First, there shouldn't be two different things named Platypus Man, period. And second, at least ONE of them should be about a mutant creature who's bipedal but duck-billed.
T.H.E. Cat
This 1960s drama starred Robert Loggia as a reformed cat burglar named Thomas Cat, which already makes the title a little too cutesy. But amidst all the acronym-heavy titles of the era like Man from U.N.C.L.E., it's baffling on top of baffling that all the other words of the alphabet fell short of meeting the high promise of T.H.E., which just stood for his full name of Thomas Hewitt Edward Cat. T.E.R.R.I.B.L.E.
101 Ways to Leave a Gameshow
I suppose I might have had a bigger issue with 101 Ways to Leave a Gameshow as a title if the UK series had remained on the air long enough to go beyond the total number of ways promised in the name. But that just speaks to the insanity of instantly limiting a project's capacity through name alone. And if we're rolling our sleeves up, I think "gameshow" as one word is silly. There, I said it.
I Hate My Teenage Daughter
This comedy starring Jaime Pressly is bringing the inside voice into the outside, but regardless of whether or not the parental sentiment is actually true, this is one of those TV titles that just prompts embarrassing situations during conversation. Such as if a friend quietly asks what you watched the previous night, but you have earbuds in and so you don't realize that you're yelling your answer "I Hate My Teenage Daughter" in front of all those other parents at the fundraiser.
Barry'd Treasure
I’m a pun-lover from day one, but even I wince a little at the title of Barry Weiss’ Storage Wars spinoff. Barry’d Treasure is admittedly spot-on when it comes to describing the show in as few syllables as possible, but I think just calling it Barry’d Treasure would tick all the same boxes, minus “Make audiences kinda hate saying the title.”
Whew!
How does one even pronounce this show when talking about it? Like “woo” in the style of Ric Flair, or with the full exasperation of having just escaped a harrowing encounter? Or maybe like the first two syllables of a police siren. "Wee-oo." Or maybe we just don't talk about it.
Shasta McNasty
UPN's lineup of shows with awful names is perhaps topped by the comedy Shasta McNasty, where the one thing that could have possibly saved it was if it focused on brilliant scientists who figured out how to reverse climate change in a way that people could repeat successfully in real life. Instead, however, it's about a trio of rap-rock "musicians," and Jake Busey looks like all of The Offspring.
American Horror Story
Despite being arguably the most successful and accolade-deserving horror anthology series of all time, Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk's American Horror Story sounds like the grocery store brand equivalent of the better option, such as Fruit Spins or Marshmallow Magic. The fact that it spawned Crime and Sports spinoffs is just insulting.
Rubik, The Amazing Cube
Long before Barbie came around and turned that toy into a blockbuster, the beloved puzzle toy Rubik's Cube was adapted into an animated series that wasn't centered on creator Ernő Rubik, but rather was about an anthropomorphized version of the cube itself...and it's also named Rubik? Issues abound.
What Would Ryan Lochte Do?
Olympian swimmer Ryan Lochte was a legitimate pop culture phenom thanks to the 2012 and 2016 Summer Games and quickly found his way back out of the zeitgeist due to the Lochtegate controversy and later suspension. But for a brief window in 2013, E! aired five less-than-stellar episodes of a show whose title would be used in a far jokier manner years later, What Would Ryan Lochte Do? Hopefully not be another TV show.
The Law And Harry McGraw
A spinoff of Murder, She Wrote — the rare TV show title whose inherent clumsiness is perhaps its biggest strength — Jerry Orbach's The Law and Harry McGraw sounds more like a Dr. Seuss-ian introduction to courtroom personalities rather than a serious TV show.
13: Fear is Real
I get that 13 is the number most associated with horror and spooky stuff, and that stating something directly can often make that sentiment feel more powerful. But on a scale from 1-10, 13: Fear Is Real gets a negative 13.
How’s Your Mother in Law?
A Chuck Barris game show hosted by Wink Martindale with comedian “defense attorneys” such as Richard Dawson, George Carlin and Nipsey Russell? Sounds fantastic, assuming the title isn’t some kind of general inquiry about a spouse’s parent, which seems like a very easy notion to adhere to. And yet How’s Your Mother-In-Law? made it all the way to airing with this comedy stereotype of a title.
Farmer Wants a Wife
In terms of laying out exactly what its premise is from horn to hoof, Farmer Wants a Wife does the trick. But when it comes to sounding smart and using articles in front of nouns, this ranch-adjacent dating series is not outstanding in its field.
I Want To Work For Diddy
Getting a chance to work alongside a major celebrity might seem like a dream to some people, but something not so dreamlike is the title I Want to Work for Diddy, which sucks as a name even without thinking about Sean "Diddy" Combs becoming embroiled in controversies and legal issues. Like if there was a Jeopardy! ripoff called I Want To Win a Lot of Money for My Trivia Knowledge.
Terriers
A one-season show that often makes "Canceled Too Soon" lists, Donal Logue and Michael Raymond-James' excellent neo-noir caper Terriers is perhaps the prime example of why good TV shows need to make 100% sure they're called something catchy and at least mildly related to the subject matter. FX marketed Terriers with doggy imagery, despite the fact that this is a show about amateur P.I.s of the human persuasion.
